Captive
by Erotillectual
Summary: Convinced that allowing Bella to be changed into a vampire would be wrong, Edward resorts to drastic measures to keep her mortal - ultimately forcing Carlisle to intervene - and makes a few discoveries and learns a few of life's lessons along the way.
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place after _Flirting with Danger_. Though I call this a sequel, it is really more of a continuation of the storyline. It does not deal with the same subject matter as _Flirting_. As a matter of fact, you don't need to read _Flirting_ to be able to follow this one. I think I only refer to it once, and it won't interfere with your ability to keep up with what is going on.

**Summary:** As the time for Bella to join the Cullen family as a vampire draws near, Edward becomes convinced that allowing her to change would be a mistake. Out of options, he resorts to drastic measures to keep Bella human, ultimately forcing Carlisle to intervene, while Alice, as usual, seems to have her own agenda.

**Rating:** M for non-explicit adult themes, just to be on the safe side. Things might get a little hot, and possibly a little dark Edward (or dark Edward lite, depending on your definition of 'dark'). Goes AU after graduation. Mostly in character, but I suppose that like anything else, it depends on who you ask.

**Disclaimer: **I neither own, nor did I create, the characters and concepts of the _Twilight _Saga. They are the sole creation and property of Stephenie Meyer.

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* * *

Captive**

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* * *

Edward:**

I had been sitting in the rocking chair for hours now, completely unmoving. It wasn't a hardship for us. Our muscles didn't tire, and we didn't get cramps; vampires could stay as still as statues, for days if need be, without feeling anything. Sitting or standing, it made no difference. We may as well have been carved out of stone. That is how hard and lifeless we were, and that is what Bella wanted to become; couldn't wait to become. A hard, cold, soulless creature.

She would suffer untold agonies while her body died over a period of days. Her soft, yielding flesh would harden to marble; her creamy skin, tinged with pink and fragrant with the scent of her blood would petrify and lose all hint of color. The warmth would leach slowly out of her, leaving a cold, lifeless body behind. Her heart would stop beating. Permanently. Never again would she blush at the drop of a hat, or her pulse quicken in response to my touch…

I stopped the thought dead in its tracks as a snarl threatened to rip from my throat. It was an outcome I couldn't even contemplate these days, when every second brought us closer to the day when she would ask Alice or Carlisle to make good on their promise and turn her into…this. I looked down at myself in loathing. If Alice didn't do it, Carlisle most definitely would.

And there was nothing I could do about it. My opinion on the matter was ignored by all.

I continued to watch her sleep. She was lying partially on her back, her face angled away from me, and her arm flung up beside her head. I didn't remember moving, but suddenly I was standing next to the bed, fingers hovering above the river of mahogany hair spilled on the pillow. Her body shifted slightly and a soft moan escaped her parted lips, almost as if she felt my proximity, and then she subsided again. I could feel the heat coming off her in waves, sweet, comforting and familiar. Closing my outstretched hand into a fist, I pulled it back without having touched her, focusing on her breathing while tying to ignore the susurration of her blood as it pulsed through her veins in counterpoint to her heartbeat. All these beloved sounds would be lost to me forever if she converted. _When_ she converted. It seemed all but inevitable now. I backed away from her slowly, needing to put some distance between us.

It was becoming increasingly difficult for me to be around her. It had been days now since I had lain beside her as she slept. These days, I moved to the rocking chair as soon as she fell asleep, and didn't lie down next to her again until she began to wake up. It had nothing to do with her scent, though she was hard enough to resist on that score alone. No, it had become a great deal more than that.

Bella had blossomed. Since meeting me, she had walked though fire more than once and come through bolder; more confident and secure in what she wanted. Then there was love. It did beautiful things to a woman, and no woman was loved as much as she was. And she loved more passionately than anyone I had ever met. All of this made her more exquisite than I had believed it possible for one woman to be. Even that wasn't the whole problem though. It made things more difficult for me, but not impossible.

What made it hardest to be around her right now was my anger. I always had a problem with my temper, even as a mortal, and becoming a vampire had only made it that much worse. Bella was the happiest I had ever seen her; it infuriated me that her happiness was due to the fact that she had secured my family's promise that she would soon join them in this un-life of ours. She should not be happy about that, and I tried everything to make her see reason. I threatened, cajoled, and bribed. I painted vampires in the worst possible light, laid bare every dirty secret, shone a light in every dark corner of the vampire psyche, but Bella remained unfazed.

"Edward?" Her frightened voice snapped me out of my thoughts, and before I realized it I had lurched out of the chair, ready to battle whatever unseen danger threatened her.

She turned on the light on her nightstand and sat up, blinking sleepily. "Edward, what's wrong?"

"What do you mean?" I said, hedging.

"You look like you're about to kill someone. And why were you sitting all the way over there?" She yawned and scrubbed at her eyes with the heels of her hands.

I turned away from her. "I...I needed to think."

"About what?" She was suspicious; she knew me too well.

I evaded her question and took a step toward the window. "I should go. You need to get some sleep."

"No!" she cried, a note of panic in her voice. Throwing back the covers, she jumped out of the bed, threw herself in front of me, blocking my escape path, and placed her hot little hands on my chest. "Since when do you need to go so I can get sleep?" She was scared, but I could hear anger beneath the fear, and it was getting stronger with every word. "No. You have that same look on your face you did right before you left me. You're withdrawing from me, don't think I haven't noticed it. I have never been happier, and you…you seem like you are constantly in a bad mood. You're not leaving this room until you tell me what the problem is!"

By the end of her tirade she looked positively furious, the resulting flush intensifying her floral scent. She had crossed her arms over her chest, and had even stamped her foot on the word 'not'. If I weren't so enraged, I would have found it impossibly cute.

"How can I be happy when you are intent on ending your life? And how can _you_ be happy about it?" I snarled through gritted teeth, feeling my grip on my temper loosen.

The anger melted from her face. "Not this again," she sighed wearily, tugging at me to come and sit by her on the bed. I refused to be moved. "Edward, please. Come and sit down. Be reasonable."

My temper flared, and my hand clamped around her jaw in less than a second. "Reasonable?" I growled, glaring at her. "I am the _only_ one who is being reasonable! Aside from Rosalie, my entire family has taken leave of its senses!"

She reached up to grasp my wrist with both hands. "Edward, let go of me," she said firmly but kindly, tugging at my arm and trying to free her face from my iron grip.

I released her, my arm dropping to my side, fist clenched so hard it should have shattered. My palm still burned with the heat of her. Then it was her turn to put her hand to my face, gently forcing me to look at her. I let her turn my face to hers, distracted by the searing heat of her hand on my cheek and jaw, and the love glowing softly in her dark eyes.

"Edward…you know it's the only way," she said soothingly, like she was speaking to a fractious child. "You know that if it were possible, I would much rather you become human. But that isn't going to happen. I don't want to grow old while you stay young, so the only way is for me to join you. _There is no other way._ I love you, Edward Cullen, and I want to spend the rest of forever with you. Why can't you just accept that?"

I said nothing, keeping her pinned with an angry stare.

A stubborn look crept into her face, and she dropped her hand from my cheek. I nearly cried out at the loss. "I have made up my mind about this," she huffed, "and Carlisle has promised to do it, if you won't. It is going to happen whether you like it or not."

I lost it. I remembered to be as gentle as possible nanoseconds before I locked my hands around her upper arms, fingers digging into her. I was quaking with suppressed rage. "_I absolutely forbid it, do you understand me_?" I rasped, glaring daggers at her.

Anger suffused her face again, and she writhed in my grip, futilely trying to free herself. "You have no right to dictate to me!" she snapped. "This is the last time I'll say this: It's a done deal. Bullying me will not change anything!"

No. No, it wouldn't. When would I learn that? My fingers loosened, but I didn't let her go. "Bella…I need more time," I pleaded softly, cajolingly, trying not to beg, though I would, if necessary. "Please, Bella. Give me a few more years. I'll do anything, please just wait a few more years."

"No, Edward!" she cried, squirming, still trying to break the vice-like hold I had on her. "I have said all there is to say. This discussion is over!"

There was a wildness in her eyes that filled me with foreboding. I was afraid that if I pushed the issue, she would do something rash, try to force my hand in some way. The thought drew me up short, and I decided to switch tactics. I need to be careful how I handled her. If I couldn't browbeat her into giving in to me, maybe I could seduce her into submission. I released her arms, and caught her face with my hands very, very gently, unleashing a hundred years worth of accumulated skill in charming people on her.

"Bella…" I murmured, my voice low, soft, and persuasive, velvet, silk _and_ satin all rolled into one. I let every ounce of my love, need, and possessiveness show in my eyes, igniting them.

Her pupils dilated and she gasped. Her heart skipped a beat.

"Bella," I breathed hypnotically. I let my hand wander along her jaw, threading my splayed fingers into her hair to cup the back of her head. My other hand drifted down her throat, over her breast - sending a jolt through her body and drawing a sharp cry from between her lips - and around to the small of her back. I pulled her against me, molding her scalding body to mine. Moving in slowly, my eyes going from her mouth to her eyes and back again, I let the tension build in her. Her heartbeat accelerated, and her eyelids fluttered closed. I brushed my lips lightly, sensuously against hers, inviting her to part them for me. Her tongue traced a trail of wet fire along my lower lip, and next thing I knew, she was devouring me, setting the inside of my mouth ablaze. I kissed her until she moaned, and sagged in my arms. Assuming that her legs had just failed her, I broke the kiss, looking down at her with very masculine pride.

"Oh, Edward!" she gasped, breathing heavily, her eyes twinkling up at me.

I let her catch her breath for a moment, the sweetness of her exhalations washing over me, and with a soft growl, caught her mouth with mine again. This time, I didn't linger there long.

Somewhere along the line I had lost track of my goal of seducing her into acceding to my request for a postponement, and had gotten lost in her instead. Before long, my mouth drifted away of its own accord, skimming along the line of her jaw and then down the slope of her neck. I tightened my fingers in her hair, and carefully angled her head away from me, exposing the creamy column of her throat. My lips lingered over the pulse there, feeling the blood thrumming in the vein, with every thump of her heart. _Such nectar, flowing beneath such a fragile barrier_. I breathed her intoxicating, maddening scent in through my mouth and nose, already tasting her. My mouth watered suddenly, and I scraped my teeth along her throat, preparing to bite.

She whimpered, and it saved her life.

I threw myself back against the wall so hard that it shook. The sound was like a thunder clap, and it woke Charlie with a start. Snapping back into myself, I held my finger to my lips. Understanding immediately, Bella quickly scrambled under the covers, just in case. I heard Charlie sit up, unsure as to what had woken him, and listen for the sound again. Hearing nothing else, he dropped back onto the pillows with an indistinct mumble.

I nodded at Bella, letting her know we were in the clear.

Both apparently unsure of what to say or do next, we stared at each other for a moment. Her level gaze angered me. She looked so calm and composed, when she _should_ be screaming for help. Any normal person would, but Bella had no sense of self-preservation.

"I nearly killed you," I hissed accusingly, as if it were her fault.

"I know," she said quietly.

"You know." I took a step toward her, my hands clenching into fists. "You _know_?" I repeated dangerously. "Why didn't you scream?"

She looked at me like I was a half-wit. "And bring Charlie crashing through the door? Are you crazy? What would I tell him?"

I started shaking. "Tell him you had a nightmare! Better that, than just letting me kill you!" I was having trouble keeping my voice down, and Charlie stirred again.

"Edward," she said quietly, patting the mattress beside her, inviting me to sit down. I glared at her, unmoving. She looked at me sadly, and continued. "What just happened here is a perfect example of why we have no choice. I have to be changed. How long can you live on the knife edge of control? You are suffering! Because of me! I can't stand to see you struggle like that!" Her voice broke, and she paused, visibly battling with her emotions. "And how long before you make a mistake? I'm not willing to have a chaste relationship with you; I want more, a lot more. As a mortal, I'll get hurt, possibly killed, eventually. You can't maintain such rigid control forever. I _have to_ become like you."

The casual way in which she discussed her death angered me all over again. A ruthlessly suppressed part of me saw the logic of her words, but the rest of me refused to see reason. Not that it mattered. She would not change her mind, or even compromise, and Carlisle _would_ keep his promise to her, no matter what I said or did. Together, they had me between a rock and a hard place.

But a cornered vampire is a dangerous vampire, and this dangerous vampire had just had the first glimmerings of an idea.

**To be continued… **


	2. Chapter 2

**Bella**:

My heart sank when I saw the look on his face. Angry frustration was replaced by a look of devious cunning. He masked it quickly, but it was too late. I had seen it.

"Edward…" I warned, trying vainly to hide my annoyance. "You are _thinking_ again. Don't waste your time. There's nothing you can do." His constant attempts to reopen and influence a subject that I considered long closed were beginning to irritate me. And he called me stubborn?

"I don't know what you mean," he said with a look of cherubic innocence on his face.

God save me from vampires who look like angels. "You know exactly what I mean," I said with asperity. "You're trying to find a way to prevent me from being changed, and it's got to stop."

He finally sat down next to me. "I thought you said there was nothing I could do about that," he countered a touch smugly, reaching for a tendril of hair that had escaped my ponytail and tucking it behind my ear.

"There isn't," I snapped, batting his hand away. The last thing I needed right now was the distraction of his touch.

He smiled sweetly, and leaned back on one elbow, lounging on my bed like a lion. "Then what is the harm in my thinking about it?"

I eyed him suspiciously. There wasn't much I could say to that. Still, I didn't like it. I had learned not to underestimate Edward – the hard way. He would go to any length to keep me from making what he considered to be the wrong choices, and in his copy of _Bella's Book of Wrong Choices_, my becoming a vampire made the Marijuana Incident look like a child's tea party. My confidence wavered slightly. There _was_ nothing he could do about it, right? I wracked my brains trying to think of a way he might prevent it, but short of kidnapping me and keeping me prisoner for the rest of my life…

I froze, but just as quickly as the idea popped into my head, I discarded it. The idea was so perfectly ludicrous I actually smiled.

"What are you so amused about?" he queried, looking a little nonplussed.

I thought about telling him, but decided he didn't need any extra ammunition to use against me, even if it was absolutely ridiculous ammunition. "Nothing," I choked out, suppressing a giggle. I suddenly had a romance-novel-cover vision of myself struggling with an Edward dressed in tight pants and an open pirate shirt, and attempting – quite successfully - to carry me off into a lurid sunset. The laughter bubbled over.

He sat up again. "What now?" he asked in a long-suffering tone, sounding slightly offended.

"Just a silly thought," I gulped, my voice shaking with amusement.

His face grew serious. "Your cheeks go pink when you laugh," he said pensively, touching the backs of his fingers to my face.

Something in his eyes and his tone sobered me up instantly. It was as if he was considering something very seriously, and the color of my cheeks weighed heavily in the equation. It made me nervous all over again. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was planning something, but I had absolutely nothing to base that assumption on.

I took a shot in the dark. "Edward, don't do anything stupid," I said gravely.

He looked at me sharply, dropping his hand. "Why do you say that?"

"I'm not sure," I replied honestly, shrugging.

"Silly Bella," he murmured, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. He reached for me again, his icy fingers burning a hot trail down my cheek. "I never do anything stupid when it comes to you."

And denial is a river in Egypt. "You left me," I countered, lifting up my chin.

"_Touché_," he said quietly.

He continued to stare at me, golden eyes smoldering. I was beginning to get uncomfortable under his scrutiny, when he spoke. "Are you sure I can't talk you into putting off your transformation for a few years?"

"I'm sure," I ground out.

"Willful, headstrong child," he sighed, in a manner that made me think he wasn't aware he had said it out loud. It also made me feel the difference in our ages quite keenly.

I yawned suddenly, shivering, snapping him out of his thoughts.

He stood up. "Get into bed," he ordered, pulling the covers back for me. "You need sleep; I shouldn't be keeping you up like this."

I scrambled under the comforter, getting comfortable. "Only if you lie down with me," I said, patting the mattress behind me.

He sat back down on the edge of the bed, tucking me in, and looking at me seriously. "Bella…I don't think that's a good idea. We had a pretty close call, and I don't want to push it."

"Oh please, Edward!" I made doe eyes at him, and reached for his hand. "I promise I'll keep my hands to myself!" I thought about batting my eyelashes as well, but figured that might be a bit much. I wasn't exactly an accomplished flirt, after all. I may have been able to fool Jacob, but Edward had been around _a lot_ longer.

"Bella…" His voice sounded strained.

I sat up. "Please?" I pleaded huskily, my hand going to his face. My eyelashes fluttered slightly. I was reveling in my new-found power over him.

"Bella…" he protested, his voice cracking. I dialed up the intensity in my eyes. "Ok…" he finished weakly. He climbed over me carefully, and stretched out on top of the comforter. I rolled in to him with a satisfied sigh, unable to ignore the tremor that coursed through his body. Was it unfair of me to push him like this? I felt a stab of guilt.

"Edward?"

"Mmmm?" He started running his hand lightly up and down my arm.

I looked up into his startling eyes, worried. "Am I pushing you too hard by forcing you to stay with me like this? I mean, is this very difficult for you?"

He laughed softly, squeezing my shoulder. "Well, it certainly isn't easy. But no, you aren't pushing me too hard. I think you are pushing me just hard enough."

"Good," I said, snuggling back down again. "I would never want you to be uncomfortable around me."

He shifted slightly, pulling me closer to him, flush against his cold body. "I love you so much, Bella," he said fervently.

"I love you too," I murmured sleepily, glad that our latest disagreement over my transformation was finally over. I smiled into his chest, rubbing my cheek against the cotton of his t-shirt and inhaling a deep breath of Edward. "Sing to me? Please?"

"Your wish is my command," he whispered, kissing the top of my head. He started humming, and I drifted, wrapped in the sound of his voice, floating closer and closer to sleep, until I winked out like a light.

* * *

When I woke up the next morning, Edward was gone. I stretched like a cat, and rolled over with a contented hum, catching an unusual flash of color out of the corner of my eye. Lifting my head, I looked over at the nightstand. On it lay a deep blood red rose, its luscious velvety petals just beginning to unfurl. A note was tied around it with a red ribbon. Reaching for it, I sat up, pulled off the ribbon and unrolled the note, tracing the words with my finger as I read it.

_My Darling Bella,_

_I'll be back sometime this morning._

_Oceans of Love,_

_Edward_

Warmth blossomed in my chest, and I smiled, touching the gorgeous bloom to my nose and inhaling its exotic fragrance. Wanting to keep it forever, I used the ribbon to tie the rose upside down to my bed post, so it could dry, perfectly preserved.

I paused in my actions, suddenly seeing an uncomfortable parallel with my situation. The rose would be preserved, yes, but it wouldn't look the same anymore. The flower would be frozen at its peak, just on the point of fully blossoming, but it would be...different. The rich, vibrant garnet would darken to a blackish burgundy, and the moist, soft petals would become brittle and dry.

When I became a vampire, I would change just as dramatically. Was there something more to Edward's steadfast refusal to see me changed? Was my scent, my blood, my heartbeat, _my life_, a large part of the reason he loved me? Would he love me less as a vampire?

Even as I asked myself these questions, I knew the answers didn't matter. I was so pathetically, irretrievably in love with him that I would take _any_ scrap of love he threw my way. Not that I would have to; I knew without a doubt that Edward loved me. His love for me was so deep and consuming, that even if he only loved me half as much, I would still be the most loved woman on the face of the planet.

Those were fighting words, but I suddenly felt uncomfortable watching the rose slowly dry out as the days went by. I untied it again, and put it in my water glass, propped up against the wall. Grabbing my toilet bag, I headed to the bathroom to get ready for my day.

Starting the shower, I stripped off my pajama top, glancing briefly at the mirror. I did a double take, and froze.

My upper arms were ringed with fresh bruises, about the width of a man's hands, with a thinner bruise over my biceps, where the thumbs would have been. Edward's thumbs. I lifted my arm, gently probing the bruises with my other hand. They came as a complete surprise to me. I had been so caught up in my argument with him, that I never felt any pain when he grabbed me.

I groaned. This was absolutely the _last_ thing I needed. Edward would lose it completely. He'd go into a blue funk, and take an extended guilt trip, possibly on a one-way ticket. And that could be the least of my problems. If Charlie or any one else saw those bruises…they were unmistakable, and it would look like nothing less than domestic abuse. It could ruin Edward's life in Forks, not to mention cause a rift between me and my parents when I refused to leave him. I could already hear myself making excuses for him, sounding like the typical victim, defending her abusive boyfriend. _He didn't mean it, he's just incredibly strong, he forgot himself for a moment, it's different for him_, one lame excuse after another, except that they were true, and I could never tell anyone why. _He's a vampire you see, and they have super-human strength. He couldn't help it. Humans and vampires don't usually mix; sometimes it gets tricky, these things happen._ Yeah, that would go down real well. There was no way I would be able to convince anyone that my situation was different. And yet it _was_ different.

I sighed. I would just have to wear long sleeves for the next two weeks or so, and roll them up to my elbows if I wanted. T-shirts wouldn't cut it. I sighed again in irritation, wishing not for the first time that the mysterious intruders had taken something other than my red shirt. With bruises on my arms to hide, my clothing options for graduation had shrunk to almost nothing. A shopping trip was in order. I'd leave a note on the door for Edward, and head to Portland for the day. I would have preferred Seattle, but what with the serial killings, I don't think I'd make it even halfway there before Edward caught up with me and hauled me home.

Satisfied with my plans for the day, I hopped in to the shower.

* * *

I bounded down the stairs, ready to go out into the world. I had unearthed a white cotton shirt with long sleeves, which was a little small, and clung to me quite attractively. I wore it outside a red and black plaid skirt, paired with black tights and black flats. Stopping in front of the mirror, I pulled my hair into a pony tail, tying it back with a rubber band and the red ribbon from Edward's rose, and headed into the kitchen for breakfast.

Charlie had already left for work for the day, his cup, plate and silverware drying in the dish drain. I fixed myself myself a bowl of honey-nut cheerios with a banana sliced into it, and sat down with my breakfast to compose a note to Edward. I kept it short and sweet, letting him know I was going to be clothes shopping in Portland for the day, and I'd see him this evening, love Bella. Eager to be off, I left my rinsed bowl and spoon in the sink, grabbed my backpack, coat and keys, and headed out to the car, pausing only to lock the door and tape my note to it.

It was, for Forks, a pretty decent day. A milky sun was trying to break through the haze with limited success, and it seemed unseasonably warm. I threw my coat on to the passenger seat, glad that I wouldn't be needing it just yet. My truck cooperatively roared to life, and I was on the road in no time. Turning on the radio, I started singing along with it, a surge of happiness welling up inside me.

My life had never been better. I had found the man of my dreams, the man I would marry – someday anyway. Well, maybe. I was still my mother's daughter in that respect. He was the embodiment of the romantic hero, tall, strong, kind, caring, compassionate, all wrapped up in one beautiful package. I was done with school; graduation was days away, and then I would be able to be with my love in _all_ ways, forever. I tried not to think about what I would have to go through before getting to that point.

It had been shaping up to be a day too good to last, but I had thought it would last a little longer than it did. I had barely made it on to the freeway, when I heard a car horn blare behind me. I looked into the rear-view mirror, to see a silver car approaching very rapidly; far too quickly to be mistaken for anyone other than my overly controlling boyfriend.

"Now what?" I said, exasperated, as he flashed his lights at me and flipped on his turn signal. Taking this as a command to pull on to the shoulder, I obediently slowed and pulled off the road. I turned off the engine and rolled down the window, watching the Volvo through the side mirror.

"Bella!" he yelled, as he got out of the car, slamming the door and striding purposefully toward me.

I winced. "Holy carp, what did I do now?" I muttered sarcastically, knowing he could hear every word.

**To be continued...**


	3. Chapter 3

**Edward:**

I heard her comment, and it slowed me down a little. I tried valiantly to curb my anger. Mindful of her words last night, I had decided to try harder to keep my temper in check and not allow it to create a rift between us that could never be bridged. I had the feeling she wouldn't put up with it much longer. I gripped the car door, and ducked down a little to get a clear look at her through the open window. Her hands were on the steering wheel, and there was a look of annoyed resignation on her face.

"Where do you think you're going?" I demanded, unable to keep the ire out of my voice.

She raised an eyebrow. "Which part of my note did you have trouble understanding?" she said with a touch of sarcasm.

I heard the faint groaning of metal, imperceptible to human ears, when my fingers tightened involuntarily around the door. "Don't get fresh with me, Bella," I snapped, frowning. "I am not in the mood."

She looked away, some of the light leaving her face. "I know," she said sadly. "You rarely are anymore."

I recoiled inwardly. This was exactly what I was afraid of; I was in danger of squeezing all of the joy out of her life, if I kept this up. Taking care to keep any traces of anger off my face, I walked around the front of the car, opened the door, and slid into the passenger seat. "Talk to me, Bella. I will listen," I invited quietly.

She didn't hesitate to let me have it. "I was starting to have a really good day, Edward. I was really happy. I was going _shopping_, and I was _happy_. I hate shopping. That's how happy I was. And then you have to come along and yell at me. I don't even know what I'm being yelled at _for_. So here's what I'd like: I want you to tell me what I did, chew me out for whatever it was, get back in your car and go back to Forks, while I continue on to Portland, and hopefully recapture the good mood I was in. Okay?"

I looked at her steadily, saying nothing.

Some of the fire went out of her. Her shoulders sagged and she sighed. "Wait, let me guess: I'm not going to Portland."

I shook my head slowly. "Not alone," I said apologetically, bracing myself for the explosion that was bound to come any second now. _Sure enough_...

"Edward!" she wailed, throwing her hands up in the air. "Come on! Don't you think you're carrying this protector thing a bit far? I'm beginning to feel stifled here!"

"No," I stated firmly, "I don't. Now, no more arguments. You can go with me, or you can go with Alice, but you are _not_ going alone, and that's all there is to it."

"Why!?" she raged, her cheeks flushing with anger. "I don't need a damn babysitter! I want to go alone! I need something to wear for graduation! If I go with you, I'll be ignored by the salesgirls and bullied into getting something expensive which you'll insist on paying for, and if I go with Alice, I'll be ignored by the salesgirls and bullied into getting something expensive which _she_ will insist on paying for!"

I listened to her rant, acknowledging if not understanding her frustration, and trying not to get distracted by her flashing eyes and her chest, straining against the buttons of her shirt with every heated breath.

I was starting to feel a little claustrophobic. The inside of her truck was thick with her scent, and I remembered, a little late, that she had rolled up the window when I got into the car. I stopped breathing immediately, but the damage was done. The sound of her voice faded as her heartbeat seemed to grow louder, until it was thundering in my ears. I watched her delectable soft pink lips move, no longer hearing a word she was saying. My eyes dropped from her mouth to her neck, where her pulse fluttered, throbbing with hot, flavorful blood. _Her_ blood. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to open the window, but not daring to move. If I moved, she would die. I was absolutely parched; my throat felt corroded, burning and itchy, and _la mia cantante _was right there for the taking. I had but to reach out and snatch her into my arms, and my agonizing thirst would be slaked.

I had to have her. I _needed_ her.

Cool, fresh air caressed my face, and I slowly opened my eyes. Bella had her back pressed against the driver's side door, and was eyeing me warily. She had rolled down the window again, and the damp, earthy smell of the woods had invaded the cab of the truck, overpowering her scent and allowing me to claw my way back from the brink of madness. I watched her lips form around the sound of my name, and blinked.

The world came back into focus. Her heartbeat faded into the background, and I was in control of myself again.

"Edward?" she repeated nervously.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, avoiding her eyes. "I'm not sure what just happened." Okay, that last part was a bald-faced lie. I knew exactly what had just happened.

"You were thinking about having a quick bite," she joked with a wry smile.

"That's not funny, Bella," I croaked, my face twisting in anguish.

"Oh, Edward. I'm so sorry," she murmured compassionately, reaching for me. She changed her mind about touching me and pulled her hand back, for which I was grateful. I didn't think I could handle any contact with her right now. "Let's go," she continued. "We can finish this conversation at home. I can go shopping another day."

"Actually, Bella…" I hesitated, not sure how she was going take the news. "You don't need to go shopping. Alice has already bought you a new shirt. It's supposed to be a surprise, so act like it when she gives it to you."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, _Alice_," she laughed, her voice full of affection. "Does it have long sleeves?" she added guardedly, her face going suddenly blank.

I noticed the change in her mood immediately, but was at a loss to understand it. "Yes," I replied, watching her carefully. "Why?"

She shrugged, avoiding my eyes and starting the engine. "Just wondering."

I was convinced there was more to it, but I figured now wasn't the time to push. I started getting out of the truck. "Take the next exit and turn around," I instructed her. "I'll be right behind you."

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. "You don't have to, Edward. I won't sneak off to Portland."

"Bella." I paused until I had her full attention. "I know. I _want_ to follow you home." I slammed the door to stave of further argument, hit the roof of the truck twice, and stepped back, waiting for her to get going.

She heaved an exaggerated sigh, shot me a dirty look, and pulled back on to the freeway. I got into my car and pulled out behind her. She was driving below the speed limit, and from the look on her face she was taking a perverse pleasure in it, the little minx.

Oh well. If I was going to be stuck creeping home behind her, I might as well make it an exercise in patience and restraint. God knows I could use a lot of both.

* * *

I pulled in the driveway right behind her, and was opening her door for her before she had even pulled her keys out of the ignition. Taking her backpack from her, I slung it over my shoulder, helping her out of the car. As she stepped down, I noticed what she was wearing for the first time.

She looked really good, I noted as she started toward the house. I stopped, frowning. She looked _too_ good. From her perky, bouncing ponytail – complete with a pert red ribbon – to her too-tight white shirt, pleated skirt swinging saucily around her hips and thighs, and shapely legs encased in black tights, she looked like a college-bound freshman, both impossibly young, and thoroughly indecent at the same time.

"Edward?"

I looked back up at her. She was standing at the front door, observing me curiously. "Why are you looking at my legs like that?"

"Like what?" I asked innocently, leaning against her truck.

"Like they are guilty of some heinous crime, or something."

I scowled. "They are," I muttered darkly. "Indecent exposure. All but the top halves of your thighs are showing."

"Is that a bad thing?" she said, surprised, looking down at herself.

"Well…yes." I rubbed the back of my neck. "Other people can see them." And that was of course unacceptable. I would never say this out loud to her, but whether she new it or not, Bella belonged to me, and I had absolutely no intention of sharing her, and that included other men looking. I understood that this was unavoidable, though, and new better than to dictate her clothing choices. I may be a chauvinist pig, but I wasn't about to act like one. When it came to Bella, I had already made enough mistakes to last a lifetime.

"This isn't the early nineteen-hundreds, Edward," she said mildly, a tremor in her voice. "Fast-forward one century, and you'll find what I am wearing is actually _tame_."

I looked at her sharply. Was she laughing at me? The look on her face said it all: Yes, she was. _Good_. I grinned, and she smiled back at me. "I know," I said softly, locking my eyes with hers. I walked slowly up the stairs and stopped right in front of her, getting up close and personal. "I just don't want anyone to see them but me. I sort of consider your legs, and the rest of your body for that matter, my territory."

She ducked her head, blushing. "You are so cute when you are old-fashioned," she said shyly, looking at me from under her eyelashes.

She turned to unlock the door, but I stayed her hand. She looked at me in surprise. I took the key without taking my eyes off her, and opened the door for her, ushering her in ahead of me. I dropped her backpack against the wall and helped her out of her jacket, hanging it up for her, and headed into the living room, listening as she moved around the kitchen. I heard the _pop-hiss_ of a can of soda being opened, and she appeared in the living room, sipping a coke. I wanted to remark that soda was really unhealthy, and wasn't it a bit early in the day anyway, but I didn't like the way it made me sound. I was on shaky ground with her already.

I stared at her until she blushed, and then started talking.

"I'm sorry I'm being so difficult these days, Bella. The last thing I want to do is make you unhappy."

She put her coke down on the table and came straight to me, wrapping her arms around me and resting her cheek on my chest. "I'm not unhappy, Edward," she murmured. "I have never been happier in my whole life. It's just…" she paused.

"I can be such an overbearing, over-protective, domineering ass?" I finished for her.

She looked up at me and smiled, gentle laughter in her eyes. "Well, I wasn't going to put it _quite_ like that, but yes, that's actually a pretty accurate description."

I'm sorry," I repeated, lightly clasping her shoulders and holding her at arm's length. "It's just…this is all new for me too. To go from never having been in love, to this…well, let's just say the depth and breadth of my love for you is a little frightening. I had never considered that it could be so extremely painful and heartbreaking." I took her beloved face in my hands. "I worry about you _so much_, Bella," I said gently. "Don't you understand that?"

"I understand that you worry, what I don't understand is why you worry _so much_. And about _everything_."

She wore an adorable frown on her face, but I could not let that distract me. "Bella, do you really not understand why I followed you and was so angry at you this morning?"

"Well, I gathered it was because you didn't want me to go to Portland alone, but _why_?"

That was the crux of the problem. Bella genuinely didn't see the big picture. Though she had one foot in the vampire world, she still mostly thought and acted like her mortal world was all that existed. And why wouldn't she? It was ingrained habit. She could no more truly grasp the dangers of my world, than a mortal child could grasp the dangers of hers. Even her experiences with James, and the Volturi only scratched the surface. Reality ran so much deeper, and darker.

I slipped my hands around her waist and pulled her against me. "Bella, in case you have forgotten, there is a vampire or vampires out there with an army of newborns, and they have your scent," I reminded her patiently.

"But they're in Seattle," she said weakly.

"They're not sitting in Seattle waiting for us to come to them, Bella. They could be anywhere. They are planning something, and clearly you're part of their plan, or they wouldn't have stolen your shirt and your pillow. They don't need to see you to find you; they could have come across your scent in Portland, and tracked you anywhere, and you would have been defenseless. We can't protect you if you keep going off on your own."

I sat on the sofa and pulled her down beside me, desperate for her to understand. "I'm not being a bossy, controlling boyfriend because I like it. I'm genuinely terrified for your safety, and I'm finding it difficult to deal with. Please be patient with me when I'm over-protective or lose my temper. I am trying; _please_ don't give up on me."

"Edward, I'll _never_ give up on you," she said with quiet passion, reaching for my hand and squeezing it. "And I understand a little better than you think. I know that in your world, by your standards, I'm like a child. There are things I can't even begin to imagine yet."

_And if I have anything to do with it, you never will_, I vowed silently.

"But I trust you to do right by me," she continued. "I just ask that maybe, instead of losing your temper, you _talk_ to me, reason with me. Being yelled at usually makes me disinclined to be cooperative. For my part, I promise not to go off on my own anywhere, unless I have cleared it with you. _For now_," she added meaningfully. "Once this is over or I'm changed, whichever comes first, I get my life back. Deal?"

I was saved from answering by the ringing of my cell phone. I dug it out of my pocket, and flipped it open. "It's Carlisle," I told Bella, putting the phone to my ear.

"Hey…" I said. I listened to him, careful to keep my expression neutral. What he told me was not entirely unexpected, but without details, I couldn't be sure what it meant for us yet. "Okay, we'll be right there." I snapped the phone shut, and put it back in my pocket. "Esme is trying out a new recipe, and needs your help with it." I said, giving her at least part of the conversation. "You're invited for lunch."

Her lips twitched, and I just _knew_ she was itching to make another appalling joke, maybe something about her being on the menu. I quelled her mirth with a very stern look.

"I don't suppose I could talk you into putting on a pair of jeans?" I said hopefully, my eyes roaming possessively over her stocking-covered legs. "It would help with my temper. Emmett is going to make inappropriate remarks."

"Well, you tell Emmett that when I'm newborn, and stronger than he is, I'll make him pay," she said determinedly, ignoring my suggestion and heading for the front door.

I followed her out of the house and to my car, saying nothing. Because with a little luck, I was going to make sure that she'd _never_ find out what being a newborn was like.

**To be continued…**


	4. Chapter 4

**Edward**:

Back at our place, I delivered Bella into Esme's care in the kitchen. Esme was stirring something in a pot when we walked in, and she immediately called Bella over.

"Bella dear, come and taste this, and tell me if this needs any more salt or pepper. Edward," she turned to me, patting me on the cheek, "Why don't you run along? I'd like to spend some quality girl-time with Bella." _Carlisle is waiting for you_, she continued in her thoughts.

I kissed Bella on the temple. "I'll be upstairs." I turned to find Emmett in the entryway, leering at my girl.

"The schoolgirl look! Nice, Bella!" he said, adding an off-color remark that made Bella blush and made Esme scold him and send him out of the room. He had an even more off-color thought about Bella, for which I cuffed him quite roughly on the way past him. He retaliated, and our violent shoving match lasted all the way up the stairs until the thunderous noise brought Carlisle out of his study. I could hear Esme reassuring Bella that it was nothing, just her boys being boys. I heard Bella mutter something about girls being women, and then Carlisle was speaking.

"Remember, if you break anything, you replace it out of your own bank accounts," he said mildly, making it sound like he'd used the word 'pocket-money' instead of 'bank accounts.' "As for those," he continued, indicating the dents in the wall all the way up the stairs, "You will fix those _yourselves_. With no outside help," he added, in case we hadn't understood his meaning.

"Yes, dad," we said in unison, grinning at him.

Carlisle had learned a long time ago that making us fix the damage we caused instead of allowing us to pay professionals to do it was an effective way of lessening the chances of a repeat performance. Usually, Emmett and I took our arguments outdoors, and in extreme cases, we took them all the way out into the wilderness, as far from civilization as possible. Those types of argument were rare, though.

Of course they had a good chance of becoming more frequent if he didn't keep his dirty thoughts off my girlfriend, I thought sourly, glaring at him. He guffawed and walked off, but I did notice he was reciting the Pledge of Allegiance in his head as he left.

I followed Carlisle into his office and sat down across from him, curious as to why he was so carefully controlling his thoughts. Of all of us, Carlisle had the greatest ability to keep certain thoughts hidden from me. It must be experience; he was the oldest by far.

"So tell me about this vision," I said carefully, not yet sure if Alice had stumbled on to my half-formed plans for Bella, or how much she might have told Carlisle about them.

"It was about Bella," he said, getting straight to the point. The fact that I couldn't see the details of the vision in his thoughts meant he was concealing it from me, and that meant it was bad, and he wanted to prepare me for it.

"Where is Alice?" I said suddenly, focusing and scanning the background noise of thoughts in the house, looking for hers. It would be much easier if I could just see the vision as she had seen it, rather than have to rely on a less accurate, second-hand description. All I heard was Esme thinking about how beautiful Bella would look as a vampire, and Emmett thinking…I snarled, half rising out of my seat. I knew he heard me, because he started declaiming in his head again, this time reciting the Gettysburg Address. I subsided with a rumbling growl.

I could find no trace of Alice and Jasper. "Where are they?" I asked urgently. "And what is this vision?"

"They had some more shopping to do for the graduation party, they will be back soon. Now, Edward, I want you to stay calm and not react until we have talked this through," he said, taking me even further away from calm than I already was.

"What is this vision about?" I insisted, hearing the panic in my voice.

"Edward…"

I lunged out of my seat. "Tell me!!"

Carlisle came out of his seat too. "Edward." He spoke quietly, and very, _very_ sternly. "_Sit. Down_."

I sat, my hair standing up on the back of my neck. Carlisle was the kindest most mild-mannered man I had ever met, and because it happened so seldom, it was all too easy to forget that he could put the fear of God in you with the flip of a switch. He couldn't have held a family of vampires together for so long without the ability to keep us in line. He could be every inch the patriarch if he felt it was necessary, and could make you feel every single one of his 362 years. I felt a stab of sympathy for Bella, understanding for the first time how I sometimes made her feel.

"She saw Bella lying at the foot of a steep incline. She had a severe head injury."

"How severe?" I ground out, my hands balled into fists.

"There could be no doubt that she was dead," he said quietly.

I went completely still. "What else?" I asked, my voice devoid of emotion.

"That's the problem, there isn't much else. Alice can't tell where it is, except she is pretty sure it isn't around here. She also can't tell what happened; it could be a hiking accident, or something more sinister. Based on her clothing, it would seem to be summer."

There was a commotion downstairs. Alice and Jasper were back, and I instantly honed in on my sister's thoughts, looking for the dreaded vision. She must have been holding it in her mind for me already, because it hit me immediately, like a Technicolor image frozen on a movie screen. I cried out in anguish, and Carlisle was beside me, a firm, comforting hand on my shoulder.

It was a horrifying image, one that was seared permanently into my brain and which I would remember in excruciating detail until my dying day: Bella lay on the ground, like a rag doll thrown down by a child having a temper tantrum, in a debris field of small boulders and rocks. It looked like she could have stepped on a loose stone and set of a small landslide which took her down with it. Or she could have been thrown there by a _vampire_ having a temper tantrum.

The side of her head was bashed in. And the blood…I choked on a moan of both desire and desperation, hating myself more than I had ever thought possible for the former.

My control was fraying rapidly. I started to quake with fury, self-loathing, and fear for her. Carlisle tensed behind me, his hand tightening on my shoulder seconds before I erupted, flying out of my seat, the chair crashing into the wall behind me. I got no further than standing before Carlisle's arms locked around me like bands of titanium, pinning my arms to my sides. I struggled briefly, and then went limp.

"Edward, Edward, calm down," he soothed, still keeping an iron hold on me. "Don't go berserk until we know what we are dealing with. You know the future isn't set in stone. We don't know what it all means yet."

Not true. I knew _exactly_ what it meant. It meant I had made the right decision, and that the time had come for me to act. I could make no preparations, for fear of Alice finding out; it would have to be a fly by the seat of my pants operation. And even my lack of planning didn't guarantee that Alice wouldn't have a vision just in time to thwart me.

* * *

Things came to a head on the evening of our graduation. Alice had been avoiding me, and Bella picked the absolute worst time she could have to tell me why. Then again, perhaps she had done it deliberately. We were surrounded by celebrating graduates and their families, and Charlie was making his way through the crowd toward us, when Bella explained to me why she thought the Seattle vampires were after _her_, and not my family, as we all believed. I saw Alice's vision of Bella's broken body again, and pure rage flooded me as the horrifying realization dawned that Bella was right. _She_ was the target. To hell with caution; I was going to snatch her up and carry her off right then and there. I reached for her, and then Charlie was there, pulling her in to a hug, and shunting me out of the way. Bella accepted his congratulations, observing me warily all the while.

I struggled to gain control of my fury at the unknown vampires, making and discarding plans so quickly that even if Alice had seen anything, I doubt she could have made heads or tails of it. I barely heard Charlie's grudging invitation to join them for dinner, and pulled myself together just in time to formulate a stiff but polite refusal. Excusing myself, I went outside to wait. I would follow them to the restaurant and keep an eye on her from the darkness outside.

I would never leave Bella alone again, whether she liked it or not. From this moment on, I would be her shadow until the day she died.

* * *

The evening just kept going downhill from there. The graduation party was a success, but I can say that only because Alice's parties usually were. My family and I were otherwise occupied, first when Alice had another vision letting us know that the Seattle vampires were finally coming for Bella, and then with a brief stand-off with Bella's pack of La Push dogs, during which an uneasy alliance was proposed. Bella frantically protested, as usual more worried about everyone but herself, and was utterly ignored as strategy was discussed over her head. I was just grateful for the commotion because it kept Alice busy, hopefully so busy that she wouldn't have any sudden visions about me and Bella. I barely registered that we had made plans to meet up with the rest of the pack 10 miles north of some ranger station, when Jacob and his friends slunk off into the darkness, Bella still pleading with him to reconsider.

None of this mattered to me anymore. The Seattle vampires would be wasting a trip. Bella, though nobody but I knew it yet, would be long gone.

The wait for the party to end was almost unendurable, and tested my patience and control more than once. Bella was as relieved as I was when it finally ended and I was driving her home. She was nervous and unsettled, consumed with worry, and pleading to be allowed to come to the meeting with me.

"No," I said curtly.

"But, Edward…"

"I said _no_."

"I'm going with you to that meeting," she stated mulishly.

I pulled up behind Bella's truck and killed the engine. "I'm not going to the meeting, I'm staying with you." There, that wasn't a lie, and it would make her feel better. She didn't like to be left out, especially out of something like this.

I stayed with her until she had closed the front door, and then ran around the house to her window. Leaping up lightly, I climbed in, hearing Bella staggering up the stairs, helping a groggy Charlie who had fallen asleep on the sofa. She deposited him in his bedroom, came in to get her toilet bag and pajamas, and then went to the bathroom where she showered and got ready for bed.

"In you get," I said, holding up the covers, when she came back into the room.

She came a little reluctantly, climbing into bed. "Edward…are you going to wait until I fall asleep and then go to the meeting without me?" she asked pointedly.

I caught her chin. "Bella, I swear _on your life_, that I will not leave your side."

That seemed to satisfy her. She lay down on her side, and I stretched out behind her, pulling her back against me. She was restless, and it took every scrap of my skill to calm her down and lull her to sleep. When the change in her breathing told me she was out, I sprang off the bed, picked up her backpack, and started cramming as much as I could into it; clothes, a pair of shoes, her toilet bag, even an old stuffed bear that meant a lot to her. She may yet need its comfort. Closing her pack, I slung it over my shoulders, and then turned to watch her closely. When her eyes started darting back and forth beneath her eyelids, I knew she had reached the deepest stage of sleep.

It was time.

Gently tucking her comforter around her, I picked her up, murmuring soothingly to her when she stirred in my arms. I carried her silently through the dark house, and out to my car, settling her carefully in the front seat. I reclined it, and held her head gently as I wadded one of my sweaters beneath her as a pillow. Putting the backpack behind the driver's seat, I closed the door very quietly, and then went to lock her front door.

Once inside the car, I pulled Bella's seat-belt across her sleeping form, clicking it into place. I started the engine and turned on the heat for her, looking at Charlie's house one last time. It was the only home she had, and I was taking her away from it, away from her _life_, without her knowledge or consent. It was kidnapping, pure and simple, but I no longer had a choice. I just hoped our relationship could survive my actions.

Pushing all doubts aside, I pulled out on to the street, and took us out of Forks and into a new life together.

**To be continued…**


	5. Chapter 5

**Bella:**

I came awake slowly, lingering for quite some time in that state of semi-awareness that comes right before complete consciousness. I noticed that I wasn't lying completely flat, and I also detected faint movement, but it took an agonizingly long time for the fact that these two things weren't normal to penetrate. I shifted, feeling something soft beneath my cheek; something soft and drenched in Edward's sweet scent.

Edward. Movement. _I am not in my bed_. I crashed the rest of the way into wakefulness, lunging upright. "Edward?" I slurred.

"Shhh, Bella…I am right here."

I looked from him, his face a pale smudge glowing faintly in the light of the dash, to the dark countryside flying by the windows. "What the hell…Where are we?"

He said nothing, turning back to face the road. Fumbling for the controls, I brought the back of my seat upright again. I looked down at myself, pushing the comforter away. I was still in my pajamas. "Aw, crap," I swore, "I was right! You _were_ planning on kidnapping me!"

"What?" He looked at me quickly, startled.

"About a week ago, in my bedroom. That night you almost killed me. For a split second, I had this crazy idea you might try to kidnap me to keep me human." I said, remembering the look of cunning on his face. "I dismissed the thought immediately, it was just too ludicrous."

"Yes. Well," he cleared his throat. "That was the original plan. Right now, it is only secondary to keeping you safe until the Seattle threat has been taken care of."

"And then?" I asked.

He was silent for so long, I thought he wouldn't answer. "I asked you for a few years," he finally said succinctly. "You refused. I am taking them anyway."

"I don't understand. Are you saying you are going to keep me human against my will?"

"Yes."

"And how do you propose to do that?" I asked evenly.

"I have a few places I can take you. I haven't decided where, yet," he replied, looking at me.

I raised my eyebrows questioningly.

"Alice," he said by way of explanation. "Once I decide, she might see it. Anyway, these places are in remote locations. When you can read everyone's mind, you sometimes need a place to get away from it all. We will stay in one of them, maybe move between all three."

It sounded quite heavenly, in fact; just Edward and me, in some remote wilderness, in a house that was probably pretty amazing. It sounded like the perfect place for me to complete the change, except that wasn't what Edward was proposing.

Wait a minute. "You are going to keep me your prisoner _for a few years_?" I squeaked incredulously.

He shot me a look, feigning offense. "Prisoner? I thought you wanted to be with me forever."

"Of course I do. That's not the point, and you know it," I snapped. "I don't want to wait a few years. Take me back home."

"No."

"Take me back!"

Silence.

I tried to reason with him. "Edward…We have to go back," I pleaded. "We can't just leave your family and the pack to fight the newborns alone. This is my fight, I should be there. And they need your help"

"They will manage perfectly well on their own, Bella. Trust me, they don't need us. It will be easier if they don't have you to worry about. That's _my_ job, anyway."

"And what about Charlie?"

"Charlie will probably think I kidnapped you…"

"Preposterous," I interrupted sarcastically.

"…but everyone else will think we ran off together," he continued, ignoring me. "You have graduated from high-school, and you are legally an adult. There isn't much anyone can do."

"Unless I tell someone I have been kidnapped," I threatened.

"True," he said, with irritating equanimity. "Even if you don't, Charlie could still make trouble."

"Exactly," I finished smugly. "You had better take me home."

"I have a better idea," he said. "We have a few more hours until morning, and then you can call him."

"And what, pray, do I tell him?" I sniped.

"Well, you could tell him the truth, for one" he replied. "I did kidnap you, after all. There is no getting around that. Or, you could tell him we decided on the spur of the moment to take a year off to travel before going to college. It's up to you. I'm sure you'll think of something."

Damn him for leaving it up to me. I could either tell Charlie the truth and unleash a whole lot of trouble on the Cullens, or I could lie, and assist Edward in my kidnapping.

"I'll make you a deal, Edward," I said suddenly. "Your remote getaway sounds like the ideal place for me to go through the change. I will go with you freely, if you promise to change me within the next six months."

"No deal," he said curtly. "You are going with me anyway, freely or otherwise. And you are staying human."

I was suddenly filled with a bright, clear, righteous anger. How dare he dismiss my wishes so casually? It was my choice. If he didn't want to do it, fine. But he had no right to try and stop me from getting it done by someone else. Well, I had a few tricks up me sleeves he wasn't aware of. I was prepared to endanger my life to force his hand, and I was going to prove it to him right now. Filled with grim determination, I released my seatbelt. At the same time, I opened the car door and prepared to throw myself out. I knew Edward would stop me long before I had gotten so much as my head and shoulders through the open door, but my actions would prove that I was not to be underestimated. Sure enough, I barely got my butt out of the seat before he had grabbed me by the back of my pajama top with a bellow of outrage.

"Bella!" He yelled, hauling me back into the car. "What the hell do you think you are doing?"

"Trying to hurt myself so that you will be forced to change me," I snarled, thrashing around like a landed fish and kicking at the comforter tangled around my legs. I knew I had no hope of freeing myself from his grip, but that wasn't the point. I didn't want to throw myself out of the car; what I wanted was for Edward to think I would, and give in to me.

"Bella! That's enough!" he roared, still with a death-grip on the back of my top. "Have you taken leave of your senses? Stop it! _Bella_!"

Amazingly, he had barely swerved throughout the struggle, and only slightly decreased his speed. But when I wouldn't stop squirming and clawing at the door, he smoothly pulled off onto the shoulder and came to a stop. His hand left my back, and then immediately immobilized me by the simple expediency of grabbing on to a fistful of my hair at the back of my head. I reached up with my hands, trying to dig my fingers into his wrist and swearing. I succeeded in breaking a fingernail, but that was about it.

Muttering darkly under his breath, he searched the door pockets and then the glove compartment, until he found what he was looking for. I then found myself pushed forward and held down, chest pressed against my knees, barely able to breathe let alone struggle. Edward shifted, putting his forearm against my back to hold me in place, and tied my wrists together behind my back with a silk tie. I shrieked in outrage, straightening up as soon as he let me go.

"Untie me. Now," I gasped, breathing heavily.

"Not until I can trust you not to do anything that _unbelievably_ stupid again," he ground out, absolutely furious.

I tugged at my bound wrists, straining with the effort, but was unable to free myself. Reaching across me, Edward opened the door and slammed it again, making sure it was properly closed. Then he fastened my seatbelt, engaged the locks just to be on the safe side, and pulled back onto the interstate.

I slumped back into my seat, seething. We drove in silence, Edward rigid with anger and focused on the road, while I sulked, looking out of the passenger window and discretely trying to work free of my restraints. After about an hour of this silent stand-off, I began to feel the call of nature. I also needed to think about getting out of my pajamas and into something a little more appropriate for the outside world. If Edward had even brought anything of mine with us, that is.

"I need to go to the bathroom," I said, breaking the silence.

He looked at me suspiciously, and I felt a surge of annoyance. "Hello! Human being over here. I really do have to go to the bathroom."

"Alright," he said reluctantly. "I'll pull off at the next gas station. There are some clothes in your backpack," he continued, answering my unspoken question. "I'll untie you when we get there. And remember, I am stronger and faster than you are. If you run, you won't get far. I will catch you."

I didn't need to get far, I thought. Just as far as the nearest phone, so I could call Alice.

***

Edward pulled into a dark parking spot so I could change in relative privacy, and untied me. He rolled up the tie and tucked it in his pocket. "I may need it again," he threatened, seeing me notice. He handed me my backpack and I rummaged through it, pulling out a pair of jeans, a t-shirt, and my black flats. Freeing my legs from the comforter, I bundled it into the back seat, and shimmied out of my pajama pants. Then I put on my jeans, lifting my hips so I could pull them up. I slipped on the shoes, and was about to peel off my top, when I remembered the bruises on my arms. If Edward noticed my hesitation, he probably put it down to natural modesty. I stuffed the t-shirt back into my pack, deciding that my pajama top looked enough like a long sleeved tee for me to get away with wearing it outside.

When I had changed, Edward pulled up to one of the pumps to top up the gas tank. "No funny stuff," he cautioned me with a hint of warning, taking a hold of my face with one hand. "If I have to chase after you, I will be…irritated."

I nodded sullenly, shouldered my pack, and headed off to find the ladies room. I used the facilities, taking the opportunity to change my underwear, and then washed up, brushing my teeth and tidying up my hair. As I was getting ready to leave, I decided on a whim to stick my head out of the window at the other end of the bathroom, above the changing station. I had to jiggle it to get it open. It looked out over a parking lot full of semis, and to my extreme good fortune, there was a bank of three payphones right next to the bathroom window. I looked quickly right and left down the dimly lit walkway, but it was the middle of then night, and no one was about. Dropping my backpack out of the window first, I swung a leg over the sill, carefully climbing out. I was amazed that, clumsy as I was, I didn't fall and break my neck. I hurried to the phones, scrabbling in the pockets of my pack for some change as I went.

I deposited the correct amount, and was just dialing Alice's number, when a hand descended in front of my face and pressed the disconnect button. I dropped the phone with a muffled shriek and spun around, to find Edward looming over me, looking gaunt and sickly in the flickering fluorescent light.

Shaking slightly, I turned and picked up the phone, returning it to its cradle. "I didn't run," I said lamely. "I was just calling Alice."

He frowned, and a faint growl rumbled through his chest. Then he reached out and fastened his large hand around my arm. Unprepared, I was unable to suppress the sharp cry that escaped me when his fingers closed painfully over my bruises.

**To be continued…**


	6. Chapter 6

**Bella**:

He dropped my arm like it had burned him, and took a step back, looking startled.

"Bella?" His tone was wary.

"It's nothing," I said with a nervous laugh. "You just got me over an old bruise, is all." It was the truth, and also more plausible than anything else I could have come up with. I hoped that if I shrugged it off nonchalantly, he would accept the excuse.

Fat chance. This was Edward I was dealing with, after all.

He frowned. "What old bruise?" he asked suspiciously.

"Just…" I hesitated, my face flaming. I was so bad at this. "I just bumped myself pretty hard on the corner of my dresser drawer."

He scrutinized my face for so long, I began to shift uncomfortably.

"Push up your sleeve, Bella," he ordered me, his tone soft.

I opened my mouth to speak, but couldn't think of anything to say. He waited a moment, and when I did not comply, reached for my arm slowly, as if wanting to give me the opportunity to pull away, or tell him not to touch me. He took my wrist with extreme gentleness, and with the lightest of touches pushed my sleeve up over my elbow. Then, from the shoulder, carefully pulled the sleeve up higher, revealing the deep purple mottling on my arm.

I had been watching his face intently as he worked, trying to gauge his reaction, but his face remained blank. Holding my arm, he examined the bruises carefully, and then pulled my sleeve down. Then he repeated the operation on my other arm, touching me as if I were made of the finest porcelain. When he was done, and my arms where hanging at my side again, he asked me the question I was dreading, his voice frighteningly calm.

"It was me, wasn't it?"

I wanted so badly to lie, but telling him someone else had done it would create a whole other set of problems, if he even believed me, which wasn't very likely given how dismal a liar I was. I decided to stick with the truth.

"Yes."

His face twisted suddenly, and it was only then that I realized how much he'd been hoping for a different answer. I said nothing, watching him warily and waiting to take my cue from him, but he just stood there, staring at me, stricken, looking almost terminally ill in the ghastly artificial light.

"Edward…"

As if I had uttered the magic word to free him, he suddenly moved, turning from me and striding away into the darkness. "Edward!" I cried quietly, running after him.

"Miss? Excuse me, miss!" I ignored the female voice and kept going. "Miss! You forgot your backpack!"

I stopped and turned, and sure enough, my backpack was still sitting at the foot of one of the telephones. I looked toward my benefactor, who was just getting out of the cab of her semi in her pajamas. I jogged back toward the phones, and picked up my pack. "Thank you," I whispered, distracted, staring in the direction Edward had disappeared. "I would have hated to lose that." I started to leave again, but she stopped me.

"Wait," she said quietly. "I don't know for sure what I just saw. Maybe it was nothing, but just in case…" She handed me a business card and then turned away. I angled the card toward the light to better see it, and froze.

It was a domestic abuse hotline card. Looking up, I opened my mouth to protest, but the woman was climbing into the cab of her truck again.

I was absolutely furious. I wanted to go after her and scream at her to mind her own business, she didn't know what she was talking about, and how dare she imply that Edward…etc. But I could understand why she had done it, and I didn't want to discourage her from doing it again, in case next time it was someone who really needed it. I held the card like it was infected, tempted to drop it on the ground, but I didn't want to throw her kind gesture back in her face in case she was watching. She was only trying to be helpful, and if she had seen Edward grab me, or even seen the bruises, I couldn't blame her for thinking she understood what she saw. I pushed the card into my back pocket instead, and went to look for Edward. After a quick search, I found his car parked in the same spot as before, and climbed in, throwing my pack in the back.

He was sitting in the driver's seat, his hands on the steering wheel, staring straight out into the darkness. His face was tight, expressionless, and it frightened me more than a face-full of guilt would have.

"I'm sorry, Bella," he finally said quietly. "I thought I was being gentle enough. It's no excuse, but…"

"Edward," I interrupted him. "Stop, please. It _is_ a valid excuse. You're a vampire, and you live in a world built for and filled with people infinitely weaker and more fragile than you are. Accidents are bound to happen. I bruise easily, and you know how clumsy I am. It happens all the time. They are harmless bruises. Don't blow this out of proportion, please."

He did not acknowledge my words, still not looking at me. Suddenly, his face crumpled, and he leaned forward, pressing his forehead into his fists clamped at the top of the steering wheel. He drew in a shuddering breath, and his shoulders started shaking. It took me a second to realize what was going on.

He was crying.

I knew vampires were unable to produce tears, but apparently in all other ways the mechanics of grief were the same. I turned, pulling my knee up on the seat so I could face him more fully. "Oh, Edward, please," I murmured, my voice breaking. I tentatively reached for him, timidly rubbing my hand across his rigid back. He lifted his head to look at me, and his face was so full of despair, I felt my eyes well up in empathy. He shifted in his seat, mimicking my position, and I drew him into my arms, whispering "it's ok, everything will be ok," over and over again like a mantra, as he sobbed his heart out silently into my neck. He had slipped his arms around me, but held me so gently I could barely feel it. _He doesn't dare to hold me anymore, for fear of hurting me_. The thought tore at my heart. I clung to him all the harder in reaction, perversely longing for his earlier roughness.

It stopped as suddenly as it had started. A hitch or two more in his breathing, and it was over. A few endless seconds more, and the nature of our embrace changed. His arms tightened ever so slightly around me, pulling me closer, and he shifted his face, nuzzling the dip below my collar bone with his lips, leaving a trail of tiny kisses all the way to my neck. I held my breath, afraid that if I moved, he might come to his senses and stop.

He misunderstood my stillness. "Don't be afraid, Bella," he whispered against my throat, sending shivers along my skin. "I'm in control."

"Good," I said throatily. "Because the only thing I am afraid of is you stopping."

I felt his cold breath on my neck, then the chilly touch of the tip of his tongue as he tasted me. I erupted in goose-bumps. Another breath and the short, wet trail his tongue had left turned to ice. My nipples tightened almost painfully in response. With a moan of regret, he left my throat, dusting his lips up and along my jaw, seeking and finding my mouth. One hand slipped up my back to the nape of my neck, holding me while he kissed the breath out of me. His other hand ghosted up my ribcage and cupped my breast, his thumb roughly grazing my nipple.

I was just starting to get light headed, when I tore my mouth from his, sucking in a great gulp of air. "Some of us need to breathe," I said in response to his mildly annoyed look.

"Actually, technically vampires need to breathe too. Just like humans, we need air passing through our vocal cords in order for them to make a sound; it is the oxygen we don't need," he murmured absently, staring at my lips, his hand still resting cold on the back of my neck.

I noticed suddenly that it wasn't quite as dark outside anymore. "Edward, morning isn't far away, and I have barely slept. Couldn't we get a room somewhere for the day? I'd like to grab a few more hours of sleep, preferably in a bed, and I am dying for a shower. Or better yet, a hot bath."

He seemed to come back to himself, and looked out of the windows. "That was the plan," he said, frowning thoughtfully. "I will have to drive fast to make up for lost time."

"I thought you didn't make any plans, because of Alice."

"I made no plans about our final destination. The weather is a consideration for me, though, and then there is you. I have you to take care of, now, and your human needs to consider."

He spoke the words so sincerely they sounded like a vow, and it made me feel protected, safe and warm all over. As we pulled back on the interstate, I remembered why we were here, and it occurred to me that I had missed my opportunity to call Alice when Edward walked away from me and I went back for my backpack. More surprising was the fact that I didn't care. I belonged with Edward, and though I disagreed with his actions, I was right where I needed to be. This didn't mean I was going to make it easy for him. Edward had to learn that he couldn't ride roughshod over my life, and I was still going to take advantage of every opportunity to try and get away to contact Alice or Carlisle and have one of them follow us out to wherever we were going, to change me.

Because one thing was certain; we could not go on like this anymore. Edward was losing it; terrified of hurting me, yet so violently opposed to the solution standing right in front of his nose that it had driven him to the extremes of not only kidnapping me, but forcibly restraining me as well. Although he didn't have much choice with the latter; what else could he do when I seemed so determined to fling myself out of a speeding car?

I looked at him, darkly outlined against the inky blue of the waning night, all tousled hair and chiseled profile. "Are you ok, Edward?"

"No," he replied so softly, I almost didn't hear, "but I will live. In a manner of speaking."

I sighed. "Edward…" I stopped, trying to think of a way to broach the subject of him bringing me across again without upsetting him. It was the only solution, and it frustrated me to no end that he couldn't see that.

He must have read my face, because I know he couldn't read my mind. "I can't talk about that right now, Bella," he said, the trace of a plea in his voice. "Let's just get through the Seattle business first. We can talk about…" he couldn't even say it. "We can talk about it later. Please."

I relented. "Ok, but we _will_ talk about it then. Really talk; and you will listen. No unilaterally making decisions for me."

He nodded. "We'll talk, and I will listen," he said. I noticed he said nothing about not making decisions for me, but decided to leave it for now. I knew I wasn't done fighting him. Satisfied for now, I leaned back, feeling suddenly very drowsy. Searching the back seat, I found his sweater and folded it into a pillow. I reclined my seat a little, and settled down sideways, facing Edward, so his face would be the last thing I saw when I drifted off, and the first thing I saw when I woke up.

"Edward?" I murmured sleepily.

"Mmmm?"

"Where are we going? Right now, I mean"

"You'll see." He murmured. "Trust me to take care of you, sweetheart."

"I do trust you," I mumbled. "Edward?"

"Yes?"

"Sing to me?"

"Of course, my love."

I heard the smile in his voice, his first smile since he had dragged me off on what was sure to be quite an adventure. He started singing, something soft and sad in another language. I wanted to ask him what language it was, but I fell asleep before I could form the words.

**To be continued…**


	7. Chapter 7

**Bella**:

I awoke to the gentle touch of Edward's knuckles grazing my cheek. "Bella," he spoke softly. "We've arrived. Wake up."

I mumbled sleepily and stretched, breathing in the scent of him, and reaching for his hand against my face. "Good morning," I murmured, looking into his tawny eyes.

Sometime after I had fallen asleep, he had covered me with the comforter again, and had reclined the seat all the way. I struggled upright, the comforter sliding away from me, and looked out of the windows. We were parked in a cobbled parking lot deeply shaded by trees. At the end of the lot, an old-fashioned sign indicated the way to the Cottage Inn entrance. We got out of the car, Edward shouldering my backpack. I stretched again, breathing in the cool morning air, my hands kneading the small of my back. Dawn was breaking, and the pale morning sun was gilding the tops of the trees in a golden light. It was very quiet, the freeway just a distant hum.

"We made it just in time," I told Edward, indicating the sun as he came up beside me and draped his arm over my shoulder, "a few minutes more, and you'd be walking to the hotel glittering like a disco ball.

"I had to break a few traffic laws to swing it," he replied, laughing.

We started down a path flanked with huge rose bushes, flowers drenched in dew and poised to unfurl in the morning light. I was about to comment on the sight, not to mention the heady scent, when we rounded the corner, and took a step straight back in time.

I gasped. "Oh, Edward, this is lovely!"

The Cottage Inn was a sprawling, L-shaped two storey cottage, built of warm, honey-golden stone. It had black and white trim and a gabled roof, tiled in slate shingles. An enormous wisteria twined up the wall to the left of the entrance, and stretched as far as I could see around the building between the first and second floors. It must look breathtaking in flower, I thought. Hanging at right angles with the building, over a huge door painted a glossy black, was an old-style sign, swinging gently in an unseen breeze.

The entrance took us straight into a warmly lit reception area. Edward headed for the desk to check us in, while I looked around. The Cottage Inn didn't look like a hotel at all. It looked more like somebody's home. The seating arrangement in the reception area was made up of mismatched furniture, gently worn but extremely inviting looking. Through a doorway to the left was a large, darkly paneled sitting room, with wall to wall bookshelves filled with books, and clusters of seating areas arranged for maximum comfort around the room, for anything from a game of chess, to an informal meeting, or a solitary escape into a good book.

"Do you have any luggage?" I heard the receptionist saying. I moved back toward them, curious as to how Edward would handle the question. Our arrival, so early in the morning and with no luggage, would no doubt invite speculation.

"No," he replied, unleashing his devastating smile on her, and offering no further explanation. Every inch the consummate professional, the receptionist ignored our unusual circumstances. Without missing a beat, she rang the bell and told us someone would be right along to show us to our suite.

"We will start serving breakfast in about ten minutes, if you and Mrs. Cullen would like something," she continued, handing him the key.

I darted a look at Edward. Fortunately, the receptionist didn't notice. She only had eyes for him. Edward didn't bat an eyelid at her mistake, taking it all in his stride.

"Thank you, but I think Mrs. Cullen and I will have something in our room later." Before he had finished speaking, a sleepy looking young woman appeared, clearly a high-school student brand new to the job for the summer. Intimidated by Edward's super-model looks, she stumbled over her words as she invited us to follow her.

Our suite was utterly lovely. Lushly carpeted, it was furnished like the rest of the hotel was, with an eye for comfort and relaxation more than anything else. The sitting room was large, with a fireplace, comfortable seating, and somewhat incongruously, a large wardrobe with a mirrored door, and a chest of drawers. When I went through to the bedroom, I saw why the wardrobe and chest were in the other room. It was relatively small, with space for only a large brass bed and two nightstands. The room had an _Anne of Green Gables_ feel to it, all whitewashed walls, crisp linens, and frothy pillows. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, until I saw the bathroom, with its huge freestanding claw-footed tub that doubled as a shower, and of all strange things, an armchair in the corner.

When I came out of the bathroom, Edward was leaning casually in the doorway to the sitting room, his fingers tucked into his jeans pockets, watching me. "Surprise," he said with an engaging lopsided grin, when he saw the look on my face.

"Edward, this is too…wonderful," I sighed, kicking off my shoes and stretching out on the bed. I rolled on to my side, burrowing my nose in the sheets, and the scent of freshly laundered bedding was the last thing I remembered.

I woke up sunk in soft pillows, curled up beneath the softest cotton sheets I had ever had the pleasure of sleeping in, blindingly white in the sunlight streaming through the window and across the bed. I sighed, feeling happier than I ever had in my entire life. I could almost pretend we were a normal couple on a romantic getaway, if not for the fact that one half of the couple was a vampire who had abducted the other half of the couple, with the twofold objective of keeping her safe from a horde of bloodthirsty newborn vampires, and keeping her mortal against her express wishes. Some of my contentment faded, and right on cue, the light in the room faded too, as the sun disappeared behind the clouds outside. I sat up, throwing back the bedding, realizing for the first time that Edward had stripped me of my jeans before putting me under the covers.

The rest of reality suddenly intruded. "Charlie!" I yelped, realizing that he would have surely missed me by now and be frantic with worry. Hopefully he had not yet called the Cullens and found out from them that Edward had gone missing too.

"Bella?" Edward appeared in the doorway, looking concerned.

"What time is it? I have to call Charlie," I said glumly, not looking forward to that little chore at all.

"It's about eleven A.M., and I already took care of it," he said. Seeing my surprise, he continued. "I figured it was only right. This is my doing," he said, gesturing vaguely between us, "so it is my responsibility. It wasn't fair to make you clean up after me."

"What did you tell him?" I asked weakly.

"Actually, I didn't have to tell him anything. It seems Alice got to him first, and told him that you and I had made a spur of the moment decision to run off on an extended holiday. He was very angry with me. I apologized profusely, and was suitably submissive. I don't think he is going to hunt me down and try to kill me."

"Please don't joke about this," I said faintly.

"Bella." He sat down on the bed next to me, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. "I think he's ok. Mad as a hornet, with me anyway, but ok. He told me to have you call him as soon as you were awake."

He pulled out his phone, and handed it to me. "I'll run you a bath. That tub in there is something you should experience." He disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door to give me some privacy. I heard the water start running, and dialed Charlie.

He picked up on the first ring. "Hello?"

"Dad, it's me."

"Bella," he said, his voice stern.

"I'm sorry, dad," I said meekly. "It seemed like a good idea at the time. We weren't thinking. I am sorry if we made you worry."

He tone softened slightly. "Well, fortunately, I didn't have the opportunity to worry. Alice came over and told me before I even noticed you were gone."

"Oh. Good." There was an awkward pause. "I'm really sorry, dad."

"I know," he said, sounding resigned. "I don't like it, Bells, but I realize there is nothing I can do. You're an adult now, done with school, and you are free to make your own choices. Just be careful, ok? How are you for money? He told me he'd take care of you, but…"

"Dad, it's ok," I interrupted. "Edward is pretty wealthy. In his own right, it's not his father's money."

"Oh. I am not sure I like the idea of him paying for everything, Bella."

"To be honest, dad, neither do I."

My answer seemed to satisfy him. "He told me he wants to marry you."

"I know," I sighed. "I'm not sure how I feel about that either. I'm kind of with mom on that subject." That answer seemed to reassure him even more.

"Well," he said hesitantly, sounding somewhat relieved but unsure where to go from there. "You keep in touch, now. I want to hear from you regularly, especially when you're on the road."

"I will, dad. I promise," I said, a faint tremor in my voice. "I love you."

"I love you too, Bells."

We said our goodbyes, and I hung up, feeling a little shaky. On the one hand a great weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I had been so worried about disappearing on Charlie and worrying him, and even more worried about bringing danger in the form of vampires to his doorstep; it was a great relief to know that he could go on with his quiet life of fishing, and sports on TV with Billy, safe in his ignorance of the world I was now a part of. At the same time, I also felt a bittersweet sadness; Charlie's little girl was all grown up, and he had just let her go. And he didn't even know it yet. To Charlie, this was just an extended holiday. Only I knew that I may never see him or Forks again. Not if my plans of being turned into a vampire came to fruition, anyway. And I was determined they would. My life was with the Cullens and Edward from now on, and my conversation with Charlie had just made it real to me.

Edward walked out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam. He seemed to sense my precarious emotional state. "How did it go?" He asked gently, reaching for me and pulling me to my feet and into his arms.

"Surprisingly well," I mumbled into his chest, still sounding a little wobbly. "Edward…" I asked, changing the subject quickly before he could start questioning me, "why did Alice cover for us?"

"I don't know," he said grimly. "I have not been able to reach her. Frankly, I'm suspicious. Grateful, but suspicious."

I wondered. Alice was on my side when it came to the whole _Bella: Vampire or Human?_ debate. Had she seen something with regard to my future? Did she cover for us to help me in my quest somehow? I was more determined to speak to her than ever.

My stomach rumbled thunderously, interrupting our separate musings and creating some comic relief. We both collapsed into giggles.

"Why don't you take a bath, while I order you something to eat," Edward said, his chuckles subsiding. "This place is famous for its Eggs Benedict. How does that sound?"

"Perfect," I said, heading into the bathroom.

My soak under bubbles in the claw-footed tub was heavenly, and sadly cut short far too soon by the delivery of my meal. I ate while Edward talked, outlining our plans for the day. The sunny weather had not lasted, and we were going to take advantage of the overcast day to go and do some much needed shopping.

Resigned to the inescapable, I finished my delicious brunch, and slouched off to the bedroom to get dressed.

* * *

There was a mall not ten minutes down the road from the Inn, but Edward drove right past it, to another one, a half hour away. This mall was in an upscale neighborhood, with a very different range of boutiques and department stores, all of them no doubt prohibitively expensive. I didn't protest, having learned some time ago that it was futile.

An unexpected advantage of shopping in such style was that the mall was relatively free of crowds. A few shoppers strolled past the storefronts, most of them women in groups of two or three. Out of my depth, I allowed myself to be guided by Edward as we went from store to store, buying completely new wardrobes for our completely new lives. We both needed just about everything, Edward having brought even less with him when he took me out of my house…gosh was it only last night? It seemed like weeks.

We shopped for luggage first, taking it out to the car immediately, then went back for toiletries, including, I was interested to note, high SPF sunscreen, shoes and clothes. Everywhere we went, we had the undivided attention of the salespeople, thanks entirely to Edward's lethal charm. It was like having our own personal shoppers. I could get used to shopping like this, I thought, surprised. I was actually enjoying myself, which was unusual, as shopping and I didn't usually mix well. Edward and I separated only when he was escorted to the men's department, and I gave him an absent wave as he left, too engrossed in a selection of very pretty fitted scoop-neck tees to pay him much attention.

It was only when I was handing over one of Edward's credit cards to pay for my selections, that it occurred to me that now might be the time to try and sneak a call to Alice. Annoyed at myself for not thinking about it earlier, I was about to ask the sales girl if I could use her phone, when Edward reappeared, followed by a sales clerk loaded down with shopping bags. He signed the credit card slip, and gathering up most of my bags, led the way back out to the car, clerk in tow. As our new luggage took up most of the trunk, we put the rest of our things in the back seat of the car. We made one last trip before heading back to the Inn, and it was the highlight of our outing as far as I was concerned. We spent an agreeable hour in a bookstore, and bought an obscene amount of books. Feeling silly, I guiltily slipped a vampire love story into my pile, hoping Edward wouldn't notice.

Back at the hotel, we piled all our purchases in a corner of the room to be dealt with later, and I collapsed on the sofa, while Edward built a fire in the fireplace. I was staring dreamily into the flames, when I felt Edward sit down beside me.

"I bought you a present," he said, handing me a large flat box. "Well, I suppose I should say I bought _us_ a present, because will get more pleasure out of it than you will."

I accepted the box with trepidation, seeing that it was from one of the more expensive lingerie stores we had lingered in front of as we shopped. I felt a little uncomfortable all of a sudden, not because Edward was giving me lingerie, but because I was afraid of what kind of lingerie he was giving me. When it came to my alleged 'beauty', Edward's judgment was not to be trusted. It was clouded by love. I had come to appreciate my looks more since being with Edward, but I would have still felt like a fraud in anything too overtly sexy.

I should not have worried. I removed the lid with only slightly trembling hands, and parted the tissue paper, lifting out the most beautiful, blindingly white nightgown I had ever seen, made of the finest cotton. I was surprised, and yet knew I shouldn't be. Somehow the choice was so very Edward.

"Try it on," he said softly.

I took it with me into the bedroom, stripped out of my clothes, including my underwear, and slipped the nightgown over my head, letting it slither down my body. It fit me perfectly. The neckline was just wide enough so that the gown hung off my shoulders, baring them. It sloped downward from there in a shallow V, exposing the very tops of my breasts. It was edged with a tiny ruffle and trimmed with eyelet lace that was threaded with a satin ribbon that tied into a bow between my breasts. The gown fell in soft folds all the way to the ground, leaving only my toes peeking out from beneath a six inch ruffle. The sleeves were the icing on the cake. They were bell sleeves, with a band of the same eyelet as the neckline a third of the way up the sleeve. The ribbon could be tightened at the elbows, creating a slightly puffed sleeve effect.

It was stunning; pretty and virginal, yet sexy at the same time. Something I could feel alluring in, without feeling uncomfortable. It was an intimate, thoughtful and tasteful present, and showed how well Edward knew me, and that by itself was a gift. Anticipation and nerves made my pulse race as I went to join him in the other room. I stopped in the doorway, searching for him.

"Mother of God," he breathed reverently from the other side of the room, straight across from me. He was standing up against the wall in the shadows of the wardrobe. I looked toward him, choking back a giggle at his words and the expression on his face, and caught sight of my reflection in the wardrobe mirror.

I nearly squeaked in shock. The light from the bedroom was streaming through the thin material, subtly outlining the dip of my waist and the swell of my hips, in fact outlining my whole body all the way down to my ankles. I moved away from the direct light, leaning against the wall by the door.

We observed each other wordlessly from opposite sides of the room. "Thank you, Edward," I murmured finally, my voice heavy with emotion. "It's…well, it's simply perfect." I watched him, thinking that I had never loved him more than I did right now, and how perfect it would be if this moment could be carried through to its natural conclusion, when his face went blank with shock.

"Edward?" I said uncertainly, taking a step toward him. "What is wrong?"

He moved so fast, he just appeared in front of me. "Nothing is wrong," he breathed in awe, cupping my face gently with his hands and searching my eyes with childlike wonder. "Nothing is wrong at all."

His scrutiny was beginning to make me uncomfortable. I was about to move, when he spoke again. "Bella," he murmured, a slow smile spreading on his face. "I don't know what happened, but for a moment just now, I was able to see your thoughts."

**To be continued…**


	8. Chapter 8

**Edward**:

If people's minds were like radio stations, Bella's was like a radio station with the volume turned all the way down. But for a few seconds while she was looking at me with love shining in her eyes, it was as if someone had turned the volume on her thoughts up, and then down again. In that moment, I truly understood how unique Bella was.

The closest I could come to describing how I perceived other people's thoughts was to liken them to a verbal-visual narration of what they were seeing, since people tended to think in a combination of words and images. With Bella, I not only _saw_, in vivid imagery, what she was thinking about, I could perceive her _feelings_ as well. In that brief slice of time, she became more than three-dimensional. The difference was like looking at a small black and white picture of Bella, and then looking at the real thing, in glorious life-size Technicolor. It was as close to _being_ Bella as I would ever get, and it lasted for a heart-breakingly short span of time. The experience nearly brought me to my knees, and not because of the brief melding, though that was life-changing enough in and of itself; rather it was the nature of her thoughts and feelings that almost felled me.

It was the most intimate of penetrations. I saw myself thought Bella's emotions; I saw how deeply she loved me and how highly she thought of me, un-dead monster that I was. I felt her longing to experience physical intimacy with me, while she was still human, in the quaint, old fashioned atmosphere of this hotel, in that bedroom she was so taken with. I saw us in the bed together, tangled in the sheets, exactly as she had fantasized us. I noticed with a surge of tenderness that in her thoughts of us together, she wore the nightgown I had just given her.

I knew then that it was only a matter of time before I caved, and gave Bella what we both wanted so desperately. Not tonight…it was too risky an undertaking in such a public place. But soon. I had no doubts about that. I would fight it for as long as I could, but I knew for certain, now that I had been given that glimpse into her mind, that it was a battle I had lost the moment I met her.

I would always love Bella, whether she was vampire or mortal. I couldn't help it. But I'd be lying if I said her humanity was not very dear to me. I wanted to experience intimacy with her while she was human just as much as she did. Not for the first time, I wished I had the soul of a poet so I could describe what it felt like to touch Bella. The closest I could come to illustrating it was with an incident from my mortal life: I had been out without my gloves in the dead of winter. When I came back in to the house, my hands red and raw with cold, my mother had taken them into hers, scolding me for my carelessness. Her warm skin felt boiling hot, and seared my icy hands.

That is what it felt like to touch Bella, or be touched by her; the tingling pain of heat and life being communicated to cold, dead tissue. I wanted to experience that painfully pleasurable heat to the fullest, by getting as close to her as only a man could. By immolating myself in her.

I felt the tell-tale tightening in my groin as my thoughts wandered down this dangerous path.

"Edward?"

I focused again on her pale face, framed by my even paler hands. "How did you do it?" I asked, in a hushed voice.

"I…I don't know," she stammered, bewildered. "As far as I know, I didn't do anything." She hesitated. "Uh…what exactly did you see?"

"Well, I have never experienced anything quite like it. Not with anybody." Unable to resist, I kissed her quickly before continuing. "I felt your feelings. I felt your love for me. I saw…" I hesitated, and she understood immediately, seeing it all again herself. My enhanced senses noted all the signs of her sudden arousal. Her pupils dilated. Her scent sharpened, and not only from the blood rushing to her skin and staining her cheeks with her embarrassment. She looked down, her lashes shielding her eyes from me.

"Bella," I murmured, stepping closer to her, slipping a hand around her waist and holding her lightly against me. "Please don't be embarrassed. It was…" My voice became unsteady, and I stopped. "It was…"

She smiled, moved to tears, understanding the depth of my emotion, and hearing what I couldn't say. Leaning forward, she went up on her toes, skimming up my body, seeking out my mouth with her lips. I pulled her roughly closer and she gasped as she felt the incontrovertible evidence of my desire for her. I deepened the kiss, hunching over her, arching her backward over my arm as I devoured her mouth.

Then she shifted her hips, sliding them across my pelvis. I hissed on an intake of breath, and took a step back, snatching at her shoulders to keep her away from me. A hurt look flashed across her face, and was immediately hidden under a look of sympathy.

"You know I want it as much as you do, don't you?" I asked hoarsely.

She looked down. "Don't you?" I repeated insistently, ducking my head to catch her eyes. It was imperative that she understood this.

"Yes. Yes, I do," she whispered, then more loudly, "The question is, are you ever going to do anything about it?"

_Yes, Bella, I will. Probably much sooner than you are prepared for._ I said nothing out loud. I couldn't. It would only make her push harder. I said nothing, yet her expression changed, as if something in my eyes had given her hope.

* * *

I checked my phone after Bella had gone to sleep, but Alice still hadn't returned my call. I tried her again, but got no answer. This time, I couldn't even leave a message. None of the others had called me either, which means that Alice had to have told them something, as well as Charlie. I needed to find out what it was. I would call Carlisle to check on the Seattle situation, and see if I could find out what he knew without giving anything away.

He picked up on the first ring, as he always did. "Hello?"

"Carlisle."

"Edward!" he said, happy to hear my voice. "How is Bella?"

"She's fine," I replied neutrally.

"Good. I wasn't sure how she would take being carried off like that."

_What the hell?_ "Well, you know Bella," I hedged.

"Yes," he said fondly, chuckling. "That I do. I think it was a very good idea to take her away until the threat is past. I just wish you had let me know about your plans," he continued reproachfully.

"I am sorry, Carlisle," I said. "It was kind of a spur of the moment thing. Listen," I rushed on, eager to change the subject. "I have been trying to reach Alice. Do you know where she is?"

"Alice and Jasper went on a hunting trip. She said she'd probably be out of range for the duration. She'll back before we faced the newborns." I heard his pager go off on his end. "Edward, I have to go. They are paging me from the hospital. I'll call you back later." He hung up before I could say goodbye.

I slipped my phone in my pocket, thinking hard. Evidently, Alice had told my family that I had taken Bella away for her safety. Did it mean she was unaware that I had also taken Bella to prevent her change? If that was the case, what reason did she have for giving me a cover story, and why hadn't she called me to let me know she was doing it? Surely she had time to make one call before her hunting trip. Something was fishy; there were too many unanswered questions, and I was starting to think Alice might have her own agenda when it came to Bella and me.

Suddenly, I was eager to get on the road again. After finding out that Alice had told Charlie that Bella and I had run off on a vacation together, I had figured it was safe for me to make a decision on where to take her. Unable to delay my decision any longer, I had called ahead to have the place in New Mexico readied for our arrival. It was the only one of my retreats that no one but me new about. Alice might see visions of it, but wouldn't know where it was. Its location provided difficulties, though. First of all, getting there would require precise timing. I would be driving from cloudy weather into one of the sunniest states in America. If we left early in the morning, and drove straight through, we could arrive at my place some time during the night. It would be rough on Bella, but it could not be helped. I could not get caught on New Mexico's highways in broad daylight without possibly launching a few new ET-sighting rumors single handedly.

I tried Alice one more time with no success, and then started preparing for an early departure. I emptied our shopping bags, and packed the contents into our new suitcases, leaving one of the carryalls empty, ready for the last of Bella's things. I worked at vampire speed, and in minutes the zipped up suitcases were by the door, and the shopping bags were neatly rolled up and wedged into the wastebasket.

With my plans made and nothing left to do, thoughts of those brief, intoxicating seconds inside Bella's mind intruded again. With my perfect recall, I relived the memory of her love for me, and all the feelings of desire, need and arousal the thought of me engendered in her. The memory was an aphrodisiac, and my body's response to it had become Pavlovian; I had but to think of it and I felt the familiar stirring in my loins that added yet another strain on my already precarious control. I couldn't even go into the bedroom to watch her sleep, let alone lie down next to her.

I sighed in frustration. I had never imagined that she could get anymore desirable than she already was, but with that one tantalizing glimpse into her inner self, Bella had suddenly gotten that much harder for me to resist.

* * *

At dawn, I started running her a bath, and went to squat down beside her bed. "Bella," I said softly, smoothing back her hair. "It's time to wake up, love."

She moaned in protest, snuggling down deeper into the bedding. "Bella," I repeated a little more firmly, gently prying the covers out of her hands and pulling them back.

She opened her eyes and frowned sleepily. "Edward. I love you, but go away."

I bit back a chuckle. "Not until you are up and in the bathroom," I stood, took a hold of her wrists, and gently pulled her upright. "We have a long way to go, so we need to make an early start," I continued, sending her stumbling off to the bathroom with a light smack to her bottom.

While Bella bathed, humming softly to herself, I took our cases down to the car, and by dint of a little coaxing and promises to pay whatever price was required on such short notice, got the Inn to put together a boxed breakfast and lunch for Bella. I went back up to the room to find her dressed and busy packing the rest of her belongings in her carryall and backpack. She was hot and fragrant from her bath, and I couldn't resist embracing her from behind and inhaling her for a few blissful seconds.

"You ready?" I murmured into her hair.

She zipped up her carryall, and slung it over her shoulder. "Ready," she said, looking up at me.

"So where are we headed?" She asked, as she climbed into the car and belted herself in, her backpack between her knees.

"I have a place in New Mexico. We are going there," I said, pulling out of the parking space.

"New Mexico? Isn't that a little sunny for you?"

"It's in the middle of nowhere, Bella. Way off the beaten track, no one around for miles. It isn't that big of an issue." I shrugged. "Anyway, living in perpetually cloudy places can be wearying. It's nice to have a break from all that once in a while, without having to worry about being seen."

"It must be quite some place." She spoke with a touch of yearning that I didn't quite understand, and I longed, yet again, for another peek into her beautiful mind.

* * *

That day was one of the most wonderful, and at the same time the hardest I had ever experienced. Bella read to me, we talked about nothing and everything, spent hours in companionable silence, sang along to CDs, argued about my not allowing her to call Alice, and every second was precious to me. The hard part of being stuck in a car for hours on end with Bella was being stuck in a car for hours on end with Bella. The smell of her, concentrated within that small space, was only occasionally alleviated when it became too much for me and we opened the windows…and then of course there was the persistent memory of those few addictive seconds inside her head.

I looked at her pensively, scrunched down in her seat, her bare feet up on the dashboard and her nose buried in that vampire love story she thought I hadn't noticed, reading by the weak illumination of a book light. She had been eating an apple, and was now gnawing on the core. _What had caused her mind to open up to me like that?_ _Will it accidentally happen again_? Sensing my eyes on her, she looked up.

"Oh, I am sorry, is my chewing bothering you?" She opened the window, throwing what was left of the core out into the darkness.

"Nothing you do could bother me," I said, reaching out and grazing her cheek with my knuckles.

She gave me a Look. "I think we both know that isn't true," she said archly. "I do things that bother you all the time."

"You got me," I laughed, giving her ponytail a playful yank. She punched me in the side and then groaned, cradling her hand against her chest. "Serves you right, brat," I chided her.

I pulled into an all-night gas station, coming to a stop in front of one of the pumps, behind a pick-up truck. While I was filling up the tank, Bella went inside to find the bathroom. I kept an eye on her as she went, but she headed straight to the back of the store and into the restroom. Only on the way back did she eye the payphone speculatively, before darting a look at me. I pretended not to notice. She got back into the car, and I headed in to pay, wondering at there still being gas stations willing to let you pump _before_ you paid. Two men were just finishing up at the register, and I nodded at them, moving to let them pass. They were carrying twelve-packs of beer, and their heads were full of thoughts of the party winding down at their place. Moments later I heard the pick-up drive away. I lingered a while longer, buying a few snacks and drinks for Bella, and then paid and headed out to the car.

Lost in thought as I was, I was almost at the car before I noticed.

_Bella wasn't there_.

It was the last rational thought I had.

**To be continued…**

**

* * *

**I apologize for the cliffhanger. It just seemed to be the right place to stop.


	9. Chapter 9

**Note**: After being gently reprimanded by a few people for yesterday's cliffie, :) I thought I'd get this chapter out as quickly as possible, by way of apology for my persistent cliffhanger abuse. As an added bonus, it doesn't end in yet another cliffhanger. It was difficult, but I made a supreme effort.

* * *

**Bella:**

It seemed like providence, that's all I can say. It was the only vehicle to be seen, and it was a pick-up. The only people besides Edward and I were the two men just leaving the check-out counter, so it must be theirs, and they were getting ready to leave. And most serendipitous of all, Edward wasn't paying attention to me.

I didn't even think. I slipped out of the car, keeping low to the ground and climbed into the bed of the pick-up at an angle that kept me hidden from the entrance. I had just enough time to drag a tarp over most of my body, when I heard the two men approaching, speaking in a mixture of Spanish and English. I nearly screamed when I felt something settle on my foot; one of the men had put his twelve-pack of beer into the bed, right on it. He appeared to notice nothing amiss, and I felt the dip of the truck as they climbed in to the cab.

I inhaled noisily in relief when we drove off, not realizing that I had been holding my breath. The truck accelerated rapidly, and for once I was glad that the driver of a vehicle I was in was speeding. It made an immediate right turn, and then kept going straight for a while. As the adrenaline wore off, I congratulated myself on my masterful escape. I, clumsy Isabella Swan, had pulled it off quickly, quietly, and without tripping. James Bond would be proud.

Of course I didn't believe for a moment that I would actually succeed in escaping Edward. I didn't even _want_ to. If I was lucky, it would only be a matter of an hour at most before he caught up with me, and that was fine. I wanted to be caught. _After_ I had spoken to Alice. All I needed was to get away long enough to find a phone, and actually have the time to use it for a change.

The longer we drove, the more time I had to think about my escape plan, and the more I thought about my escape plan, the more it looked like my escape might have been a really stupid move on my part. We were, after all, pretty far from civilization. During the last hour of our trip, Edward and I had passed exactly one car, and driven through two towns, if they could even be called that, both no more than a mile long each, _at most_. And aside from the gas station I had just left, nothing we had driven by had been open. I had no idea where I would end up, or if there would even be a phone I could use at the other end. I hadn't even grabbed my backpack. I had started keeping change for the phone in my pocket, just in case an opportunity to sneak a call arose, but it wouldn't help me if I ended up at someone's residence in the middle of nowhere in the middle of the night. Wouldn't _that_ be a treat to explain, me without even an ID on me. Not to mention that I knew nothing about these two men I had so recklessly gotten into the truck with. I had no guarantees that they would help me, and they might even harm me.

It was possible that I had just placed myself in the middle of some serious trouble.

The truck turned right again, drove a few more minutes, slowed, and then came to a stop. I felt the bed shift, and two doors slammed. I had pulled my foot out from beneath the twelve-pack and pulled it in toward me, but apparently it was still sticking out from under the tarp.

"_Mira, hombre_…it looks like we have a stowaway," one of the men said.

I stiffened, and then let out a shriek when a hand fastened around my ankle. I lunged out from underneath the tarp, scaring both guys into taking a step back. "I'm sorry," I stammered, my voice high with fright. "Uh…I'm sorry I hitched a ride without asking…I didn't have time…I…can I borrow a phone, please?" I was stumbling over my words.

Both guys looked at me, startled. "Are you OK, _mija_?" The older one said with a look of concern on his face.

"Yes, I am fine," I replied, trying to sound calm and failing. "Please, I'll explain later if you want, just let me borrow a phone." I was starting to sound a little frantic.

The older guy turned to the house. "Yolanda!" he yelled. "Could you bring out the phone? Yolanda!" The front door opened, and the sounds of revelry spilled out into the darkened yard. A short woman with long black hair and a thick waist walked out onto the porch.

"Stop yelling, _pendejo_, you'll wake the neighbors," she called out good-naturedly. This was evidently a joke, since as far as I could tell, there _were _no neighbors. "Who is that?" she asked, finally noticing me.

"She wants to borrow a phone pretty bad, _vieja_, could you bring it?"

"I have it right here," she said reaching into her pocket and starting toward me.

She never made it to the bottom of the steps, brought to a stop by the roaring approach of a car going _far_ too fast. We all heard it at the same time, and turned in unison. For a moment we were all illuminated by the headlights, and then the car slewed to the side in a spray of dirt, and came to a stop. It sat there for a moment, idling.

The passenger door swung open.

No lights came on inside the car, and it was too dark to see in. I didn't need to see inside the car, though, or even recognize it; I knew it was Edward. So much for having an hour. It didn't feel like more than twenty minutes had passed since I had left him at the gas station.

The four of us stood frozen, staring toward the open car door. I finally turned to the woman. "Never mind…I won't need that phone after all," I said, sounding so defeated that the younger man finally moved. Coming toward me, he kept his eyes on the Volvo.

"Is everything ok?" he asked kindly, looking at me. "Do you need help?"

A deep, low growl rumbled through the night. The two men and the woman, joined by two more people on the porch curious as to what was going on outside, looked out into the darkness beyond the car with trepidation, confused as to what the sound was, and where it was coming from.

I knew exactly where it was coming from, and needed to get _it_ the hell out of here before things went horribly wrong. "No, I don't," I said, trying to sound reassuring, and backing toward the Volvo. "I don't need help. Thank you for asking, though, I truly appreciate it. I am so sorry for the inconvenience." With that, I ducked into the car, and slammed the door. I was about to turn toward Edward and speak when I stopped, something in the car having caught my eye, briefly illuminated by the porch light as we drove by.

Neatly folded, and precisely placed in the middle of the dashboard in front of me, lay the tie Edward had used to bind my wrists with two nights ago. The threat implied by this gesture was crystal clear: I was one wrong move away from being restrained again.

I knew from experience that it was better not to speak until Edward was ready, and that he would let me know he was ready by giving me the mother of all tongue-lashings. We drove in an uncomfortable silence for what seemed like ages before he finally spoke, his voice unsteady.

"You will never, _ever_ do anything like that again."

Knowing he was only getting warmed up and didn't expect an answer from me yet, I kept quiet, staring straight ahead at the road stretching into the darkness beyond our headlights.

"_Is that clear_?" he ground out.

Oh. I _was_ expected to give an answer. "Crystal," I said evenly, noticing with some surprise how calm I sounded. And felt. It seemed that regular exposure to Edward's ire had a desensitizing effect. I was only a little frightened, and I managed to hide it quite well, or so I thought.

He drew in an unsteady breath and pulled off to the side of the road. _Uh-oh_. That was a bad sign. Edward didn't usually have problems with driving a straight line while reading me the riot act. He could multi-task like _whoa_. He could keep his eyes off the road - and fastened on me - much longer than anyone I had ever met, and he could do it without swerving so much as an inch. Edward could probably read a whole book while driving and get to his destination without a scratch on his car. If he needed to pull off the road to chew me out, he must be closer to the edge than I thought. I must be in absolutely _epic_ trouble.

_Ok, a little more frightened now_, I thought nervously. I turned to him, resigned, preparing for a most unpleasant fifteen minutes of monologue about my irresponsibility. I glanced quickly at the clock on the dash, determined to time him this time, and then looked at his face.

To my utter surprise, he didn't look angry at all, which didn't mean he wasn't of course, but still…I had expected him to reach unsurpassed heights of fury over my most recent escapade. Instead, he took my hand in his own, and spoke to me gently, like a parent lecturing a child.

"Bella, you must promise me not to do something like that again. What you did was extremely dangerous, and I don't just mean to you. We were all extremely lucky, _all_ of us. Those people were very kind, and concerned about you, and it is the only reason they are still alive. Remember Port Angeles? I barely resisted killing those men, and that was _then_. I am not the same person anymore. When I saw you were missing, I…I went feral. Fortunately there was no one around, and I caught your scent quickly. Bella, if someone had crossed my path while I was in that state…" He was pleading now. "Promise me, not just for your sake or mine, but for the sake of any innocent bystanders, that you won't do something like that again."

I was angry now. How dare he lay this on my doorstep? It wasn't my fault he had control issues.

"Edward, that is not fair," I said with quiet outrage. "You know I can't promise you that. You have no right to keep me from speaking to whomever I want. Don't make me responsible for the safety of others. If you are so worried about hurting them if I run away, then let me call Alice. Problem solved. I am already coming with you freely, Edward. I love you, and I want to be with you, wherever you take me. But I am also going to speak to Alice, whether you like it or not."

He stared at me appraisingly for so long, I thought he wasn't going to say anything. And then he surprised the hell out of me. Again.

"Ok," he sighed. "Promise me you won't try to escape again, and I will let you call Alice when we get to my place. That's the deal. Take it, or…" he nodded meaningfully toward the tie, still lying on the dash.

"Deal," I said quickly, before he could change his mind. It felt like too easy a victory, but I would worry about that later. At least I got to make the rest of the trip with my hands free. I snatched the offending tie off the dash, and stuffed it back into the glove compartment while Edward pulled back onto the road.

"Edward?" I said after a few moments of silence. "What were those people thinking when we were leaving?"

"Before or after the growl?" he asked, shooting me a sideways glance and a lopsided grin.

I returned his smile. "Let's start with before."

He turned serious, and looked away again. "Well, to varying degrees, they all wondered if I was abusing you in some way, and you were trying to run, and were too afraid of me to stand up to me."

That hurt me. It hurt me deeply that anyone would think that of Edward. It shouldn't matter what complete strangers thought, but it did. I thought about Charlie too, and what he wasn't seeing about our relationship. Edward went to great lengths to keep me safe, he would die for me, and most important in a father's book, he refused to do more than kiss me. Charlie should thank his lucky stars, and yet there he was, full of atta-boys and back slaps for Jacob, who, and I had to say this as much as I loved him, had come far closer to crossing the line than Edward ever would, by forcing himself on me repeatedly, even if it was just to kiss me against my will. There was no justice for vampires in this world.

"I hate it when they do that," I said without thinking. I stiffened, realizing I had just implied that I knew of such a misunderstanding occurring before.

"I know," he said quietly.

I turned to him, startled, realizing his words were not in reference to my remark. "What do you mean? What do you know?"

"The woman who gave you the card, back at the gas station that first night. She was watching us, and she was wondering too."

I can't imagine why, but it had never occurred to me that Edward could hear her, and while she was watching, too. It must have hurt him deeply, to be witness to such speculation about himself.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I don't know exactly what you heard, but I am sorry. It can't have been pleasant. But you know it isn't true, right? You understand that they are judging us by standards that don't apply."

"I do, Bella," he sighed. "It took some soul searching, but on some level, I understand that. It is just too easy to forget, sometimes."

"Well, then I am just going to have to keep reminding you," I said fiercely, reaching for his arm and hugging it, pressing my cheek into his shoulder. He took his hand off the steering wheel, freed his arm and put it around my shoulders, hugging me to himself.

"You do that, Bella," he murmured, kissing me softly on the temple. "You just keep doing that."

**To be continued…**


	10. Chapter 10

**Two Warnings: **One, this ends in a pretty unforgivable cliffhanger. I tried to avoid it, but if I cut this chapter off at a non-cliffhangerish moment, it would have been nothing more than a boring filler chapter. I tried cutting it off elsewhere, but everything I tried seemed to end in a cliffhanger. Maybe I'm just seeing cliffies everywhere. Anyway, if cliffhangers really bother you, I recommend waiting for the next chapter before reading this one. I will try to get it out within the next day or two, but considering I am trying to write a sex scene while respecting this site's rules about not posting explicit material, this could be a challenge. Also, work is seriously cutting into my writing time.

Two, we are firmly ensconced in M-rating territory here, possibly bordering on adult. Consider yourselves warned. And remember that I am a fan of a slightly darker Edward.

* * *

**Edward**:

It was dawn when we started on the final stretch of our journey, up the narrow, winding, treacherous road that snaked up the mountain and led to one of my favorite places in the world to get away from it all. It was a slow, jarring, bumpy ride, and Bella, who had fallen asleep some time ago, soon woke up again. She stretched like a kitten, and pulled herself upright, looking out of the windows.

"We are nearly there," I said, reaching out to touch her cheek. We'd have gotten there a lot sooner, except for the fact that a Volvo wasn't the best car for navigating New Mexico's poorly maintained back-country roads. I had to drive slowly and carefully as I inched my way up the mountain, wishing for the Jeep that was locked away in my garage up ahead. Bella looked at me, blinking sleepily, clearly not quite awake yet. Poor baby…this endless drive had to have been hard on her human body. I opened all the windows, to let the cool mountain air in.

"Mmmm," she hummed, inhaling. "The air smells divine…a bit like vanilla."

"It's the Ponderosa," I explained. "The sap smells like vanilla."

She looked at me with an adorably confused look on her face. "The what?"

I smiled. "The trees…Ponderosa pine."

"Oh." She folded arms along the edge of the passenger door and propped her chin on them, her head sticking out of the window. "Uh…Edward?" she squeaked suddenly, pulling back in and cringing toward me. "You are awfully close to the edge."

"On which side?" I joked. The road, such as it was, was only wide enough for one vehicle. Barely. I was as close to the verge as I could get without damaging my car, certainly closer than a human being could have gotten.

"What if we meet someone coming the other way?" she quavered, reaching for my arm.

"There won't be anyone," I soothed her, unable to keep the laughter out of my voice. "This road leads to my place, and nowhere else." I tried to free my arm to wrap it around her, but she clung to it like a limpet.

"Keep both hands on the wheel, Edward!" she yelped. "Concentrate!"

"Bella…" I sighed, placing my hand firmly back on the wheel alongside the other for her benefit. "It will be fine. Remember who you are talking to. I have better than ninja reflexes. Besides, if we did slide off the road, how far do you think we'd go with all those trees blocking our fall?"

She let go of me and shifted back to sit fully in her own seat. She relaxed slightly, but was still tense, peering out of the window occasionally at the fairly steep wooded incline dropping away from the road on her side of the car. Twenty minutes of driving later, we rounded the last bend and approached the house.

"Oooh…," she breathed, awed. "That is the craziest, most wonderful thing I have ever seen!"

I felt the same way the first time I saw the place, and every subsequent time since. The adobe structure looked like it had grown out of the mountain side it was clinging to, and in a way, it had. The lowest part of the building was the first built. The owner, and eccentric with a great love for the environment, had spend the next thirty odd years adding rooms to that original building, while being careful to disturb the trees and rocks already there as little as possible. As a result, few of the rooms were on the same level, and the roof of each room below created partial terraces or balconies for the rooms above. The whole place looked like a series of uneven blocs climbing up the mountain side.

I pulled into the carport next to the garage and got out of the car. "Just take your overnight bag and your pack," I told Bella. "I'll come out and get the rest." When she didn't answer, I looked over to her.

She was staring at me, wide-eyed. "I don't think I will ever get used to that," she said, a little breathlessly. I looked at her questioningly. "The sparkling," she added by way of explanation.

I looked at my arms. "Oh." Most of the way up, we had been on the west side of the mountain, and therefore out of the morning sunlight. My house sat on the south side, and when I moved out from under the carport, I walked straight into the emerging sunlight. I looked back at her, grinning with sheer happiness.

"You have no idea how wonderful this is, to be able to stand in the sunlight without worrying about being seen, Bella," I said. "And the silence…"

"Yes," she replied, looking around. "It is amazingly quiet here."

"That is not what I meant," I interrupted her, putting my arm around her and steering her to the front door. "I was talking about the mental silence. I can hear no thoughts at all." It was ironic that for the first time in this place, I wished I _did_ hear thoughts; one person's thoughts in particular.

She must have guessed what I was thinking; I could tell by the slight sharpening of her scent that she was blushing. I glanced down at her just as she snuck a sideways look up at me. She looked away quickly, before I could intensify the blush by smoldering at her. I kissed her on top of the head, resisting the urge to tease, and opened the door.

"It's unlocked?" she asked, surprised, preceding me into the house.

"Only because we were expected," I explained. "The caretakers have the key. They leave it here when they leave." I motioned over to the table where a set of keys lay.

They had done a wonderful job of carrying out my instructions. The place gleamed. Everything had been dusted and lemon-oiled, the floors waxed, even a fire laid in the kiva fireplace in the corner, ready for a cool night. The refrigerator had been plugged in, and was no doubt stocked with supplies for Bella. "Come on. Let's take your stuff up to the bedroom." I took her by the hand, and led her up a small flight of stairs,through the library, and up a longer flight of stairs, past a couple of doors to the room at the top of the house.

I waited for her reaction with anticipation, and I wasn't disappointed.

"Oh, Edward!" she cried, awed.

One of the walls was mostly take up by a huge window. Pushed up against it feet first, was a high, king-sized wrought iron bed. Bella ran to it, jumping on and bouncing lightly on her knees in her excitement, like a little girl. "How come you have a bed?"

"Most of the furniture came with the house," I said. "I kept all the human stuff for appearance sake. I'm glad I did," I continued meaningfully.

"Look at the view!" She sighed, too excited to pay attention to me. She stretched out, propping herself against the mound of pillows at the head of the bed. I moved silently into the corner of the room, so I could watch Bella's face. I knew the view outside by heart; pine covered foothills, the blurred smudge of the open mesa beyond, and on the horizon, hazy purple streaks of mountains. It was the view in here I was most interested in. Bella looked out of the window, her expression soft and pensive. I could tell she was already falling in love with the place. And I was, impossibly, more in love with her than ever.

"That window is facing west," I said hoarsely. "The sunsets are something to behold." She looked at me, blushing at my intensity.

I cleared my throat. "I'm going to get the rest of our stuff," I said, starting for the stairs.

"Wait, I'm coming too," she said sliding off the bed and bounding after me.

"I can handle it, baby, why don't you just hang out up here?"

"I just need to make that phone call first," she said significantly.

I came to a sudden stop in the middle of the library, and she cannoned into me. Turning around, I looked down at her. "Yes…I forgot about that," I said evenly, regretting the moment of weakness that resulted in my making that deal with her. I only did it because according to Carlisle, Alice would be out of reach until at least tomorrow.

She eyed me warily. "You aren't going to renege, are you?"

"No. I won't." _I am just hoping that Carlisle is right, and that Alice is still incommunicado._ I dug the phone out of my pocket, and handed it to her, mentally crossing my fingers. She took the phone, dialed the number and plopped herself into one of the leather armchairs, waiting. I didn't need to see her frown to know that she wasn't getting through. She snapped the phone shut, blowing her breath out in annoyance. I held out my hand, and she gave it back to me reluctantly.

"I'll try again later, I guess," she said glumly.

I had _just_ the thing to distract her. "Would you like to take a bath?" I asked her.

"With you?" she said hopefully.

And so I stood at a crossroad. If I said yes, as I so desperately wanted to, there would be no turning back. If I bathed with Bella, I would make love to her, if not then and there, then certainly before the day was out. And I would have to live with the consequences of my actions, whatever they were. Was I prepared to change her if, God forbid, I hurt her in anyway? I couldn't even think of it, let alone formulate an answer. Selfish, miserable wretch that I was, I gave in to my desires while doing my damnedest to ignore the possible consequences. I took a step closer to her, and bent my head to kiss her.

"Yes," I whispered right before my lips claimed hers.

* * *

We took the rest of our luggage to the bedroom, leaving the unpacking for later. I got us a couple of towels, and Bella picked up her toilet bag. She was very surprised when I led her downstairs, right out the front door, and down a narrow path through the trees.

"Uh…Edward?" she said, stopping. "Surely this is not the way to the bathroom."

"Hush, Bella," I said, turning around to take her hand. "Trust me. It's a surprise." We walked on, reaching our destination in a few minutes.

It was a hot spring. Originally bubbling out into a shallow depression at the foot of a large boulder, it had been improved upon by the guy who built the house. He had built up a rough wall of rocks, in a semi-circle around the spring, creating a pool that was easily neck deep at its deepest when you sat down. The water was constantly renewed, leaking out through the stones and over the edge.

"This just keeps getting better and better," I heard Bella sigh. I couldn't help but agree. I had owned this place for twenty-odd years, but I was suddenly seeing many of its features through new eyes, Bella's eyes, as if for the first time. I never thought I'd be sharing this place with someone I loved more than un-life itself.

I put the towels down on the rock, and turned to her. She looked shy and uncertain suddenly, and I had to remember she was only 18, _really_ 18. And though I may have been as sexually inexperienced as she was, I was far more worldly. Living as I did with three couples _and_ reading all their thoughts to boot…it would have been difficult for me to stay as innocent as Bella was. I turned away from her to give her some privacy, and undressed slowly enough to allow her the time to get out of her clothes and into the water before I turned to get in myself.

Surprisingly, she hadn't sunk beneath the surface into the relative privacy of the water. She was standing, water above her knees, looking up the mountain.

"Bella? What are you looking for?"

She looked back at me. "I was just wondering when the sun would hit us." Her eyes slid down my body appraisingly, in a decidedly un-shy manner. "I want to see _all of you_ sparkle."

I stepped into the pool and waded toward her very slowly, drinking in the sight of her body finally revealed to me in its entirety. I stopped inches away from her and reached for her shoulders, running my hands lightly down her arms and admiring her shapely curves. I pulled her to me, gasping as I felt the glorious heat of her pressed against my cold body, without any barriers of any kind between us, for the first time. I ravaged her mouth, sinking to my knees in the warm water, pulling her down with me astride my thighs, trying desperately to ignore the light brushing of my genitals against her belly. I broke the kiss, holding her head and looking at her.

"Are you going to make love to me?" she asked me boldly, her hands resting lightly on my chest.

"Not right now, but yes," I said, watching her face carefully.

She pouted a little. "When?"

"When I am good ready," I said firmly, putting my hands on her hips and pulling her flush against me. "Probably tonight," I added, whispering over her mouth, feeling the shiver of anticipation that coursed through her. "Now about that bath…why don't you get your sponge and soap and let me be your slave for an hour or so?"

* * *

We spent the rest of the day going about our business, acutely aware of each other. Bella spent an hour unpacking, and then alternated between exploring the house and its immediate surroundings (under my watchful but unseen eyes), and curling up in an armchair with a book, in whatever room I happened to be in. I took care of business, inspecting the house after my long absence, and discussing necessary repairs on the phone with the caretakers. I also made arrangements to transfer sufficient funds to cover future costs of caring for the place.

By late afternoon, the sexual tension was almost unbearable. We were occupied with our own tasks, but clearly not focused on what we were doing. More than once I felt her eyes on me, and I too stared at her when she wasn't looking, and sometimes even when she was. Finally, she closed her book, stood, and without sparing me a glance, made her way upstairs. I watched her hips sway as she went up the stairs.

Showtime.

I gave her a human moment or two, and then followed her upstairs.

She was sitting at the end of the bed, her arms wrapped around her legs and her chin resting on her knees, looking out of the window. She was wearing the new nightgown I had given her. She didn't turn when I came in to the room, probably because she couldn't hear me. She only noticed me when I sat down next to her, my weight causing a dip in the mattress that unbalanced her. Her hand shot out to steady herself, and landed hot on my thigh. She jerked it back as if the touch had burned her, and shifted to face me.

"We have to talk first, sweetheart," I said softly.

She nodded wordlessly. Her demeanor was calm, but her elevated heart-rate told the real story. She was extremely nervous. And so she should be. We weren't two ordinary teenagers embarking on their first sexual experience. One of us was a cold-blooded killer, a predator, and the other…well. She was the predator's favorite prey, and that made for a potentially deadly combination. Unfortunately, she wasn't afraid of what I was; she was nervous about what we were about to do.

"I need you to understand this isn't going to be a normal experience, not for me, and _certainly_ not for you," I started. "It will be dangerous for you. I will try to be as gentle as it is possible for me to be, but it will probably get pretty rough. It will take every ounce of my strength to maintain control, and I will need your help with that, ok?"

She nodded again. "What do you need me to do?" she whispered.

"It's more a question of what I need you _not_ to do," I said. "Don't tease me. Don't try to arouse me; I'll be aroused enough as it is. I'd ask you not to touch me at all, but I don't think that would be fair, if it is even possible. I just need you to keep your hands from wandering too much. The more aroused I get, the more precarious my control is."

I did not like the way I was sounding. If I hadn't wanted this so desperately, my words would have killed the mood. I was turning what should be a spontaneous life-affirming act into a coldly clinical scientific experiment. Of course none of this mattered to Bella, any more than it did to me. She wanted me, and she was going to have me which ever way she could. She was willing to comply to get what she wanted.

Willing, but not able. Bella just couldn't keep her hands from wandering. We didn't get very far; I was shirtless with the top two buttons of my jeans undone, and I hadn't gotten further than untying the bow on her nightgown to bare her breasts. My patience frayed a little more each time she let her hands stray into forbidden territory. I didn't blame her; I could barely restrain myself. But she had to be made to understand. _I_ wouldn't be the one getting hurt if one of us got careless and made a wrong move. I was imperative that she took my warnings seriously.

Her hands strayed again. Already on edge from keeping such a tight hold on my control, and afraid of hurting her, I lost what little patience I had left and was rougher with her than I intended. In a flash, I was standing and had hauled Bella to the edge of the bed, flipping her over onto her stomach. Pinning her wrists to the small of her back with one hand, I pressed myself against her backside and braced myself on the mattress with my free hand. I leaned down to speak close to her ear. "What part of 'keep your hands from wandering' do you have a problem understanding, Bella?" I murmured, with an edge to my voice. "Because we can do it like this, if you can't handle my request," I threatened, pressing against her a little harder. I rather wished I _could_ take her in this position. It would certainly be far easier to resist killing her if I didn't have her face to face beneath me, close enough to drain.

"No, not for our first time," she said, her voice a trifle unsteady. "I will try harder, Edward. I promise."

"Don't try. _Do_," I said sternly. "It could mean the difference between life and death for you. Understood?"

"Yes," she muttered, a little sulkily.

I was not satisfied that I had made enough of an impression. Moving aside, but still keeping her wrists restrained, I landed a firm, spur-of-the-moment smack on her backside to emphasize my point. She let out a strangled yelp. "Understood?" I repeated.

"Ouch! Yes, I understand!" she said with fervent sincerity. Satisfied, I pulled her upright, swept her up in my arms, and placed her carefully on the bed again.

"Now, shall we try this again?"

**To be continued…**

* * *

I'd like to recommend a couple of stories I have come across. And if anyone has any recommendations for me, please feel free make them. I found two of my favorite stories, and a few others that I am following, through you guys, so I'm confident I would really like some of your recommendations.

_Aurora Australis_, by **IckyEcchi** and _Before Sunset_, by **Hopeful Wager** are both Jacob/Nessie pairings, although right now they are mainly Nessie stories. It surprised me that I liked them, because I am not so much a Breaking Dawn fan. I do enjoy the idea of Edward dealing with a teenage daughter, and Before Sunset definitely gives you that. Also, they are both very well written, and when I say that, I don't just mean well crafted and well paced; I mean spelling, punctuation, and grammar too. That sort of thing definitely enhances my reading pleasure.

If you are die hard Edward/Bella, _When a Wolf Challenges a Lion_, by **Jamie552** is for you. It's very sweet. And of course it's well written.

And last but not least, _Instincts_, another Bella and Edward story by **stavanger1**, incredibly well written, and, be warned, very adult in nature.


	11. Chapter 11

**Bella**:

I tried, I really did, but in the end, it was just too much to ask of me. I rapidly got lost in the pleasure he was giving me and forgot, wanting to explore his body with my hands and mouth, just as he did mine. His warning growl stopped me every time, but he finally lost patience and had to tie my hands to the headboard. My protests at this turn of events fell on deaf ears, and I was surprised to find it strangely liberating. I was able to give myself over to the incredible sensations fully, straining against my restraints if I needed to (I did) without having to worry about making a move that could threaten his tenuous control. Now that the threat of my wandering hands had been neutralized, he was able to focus completely on pleasuring me, seducing me so thoroughly that when he finally did carefully slide into me, the brief stab of pain barely registered.

We both paused then, welded together, his hips cradled between my thighs, eyes locked for an interminable moment, aware of the meaningfulness of this moment we had been anticipating for so long. I shifted my hips slightly, intrigued by how cold and foreign he felt inside me, and froze when the slight movement made me clench around him. His jaw tightened and his eyes squeezed closed. He hovered above me for so long, I thought he might pull away from me and disappear, but it wasn't long before he relaxed, the tension leaching slowly out of him. His eyes were dark and intense with lust when he opened them, and his amber gaze caught and held my eyes, leaving me feeling strangely breathless.

Then, very deliberately, he rocked his hips.

I cried out in shock, eyes flying wide open, not expecting the heat to blossom so suddenly and so powerfully in my belly. Another strong surge of his hips, and another, and the heat pulsed. I moaned, letting my eyelids flutter closed, intimidated by the unfathomable intimacy in his hypnotic eyes, and turned my head away from him. He stilled immediately.

"Bella, look at me," he commanded softly. I turned my face back toward him. "I want to see you," he whispered. "I want to look into your eyes."

Holding his weight on his elbows, he slipped his arms under my bound ones, and tangled his fingers in my hair, to keep me where he wanted me. Kissing me possessively, he rocked his hips again, this time with more force.

"Edward..." I moaned against his lips, his name coming out like a plea. I got no mercy. He continued to torment me, experimenting, finding the best angle, watching my face the whole time and taking his cues from my tortured expression. Then he settled into a rhythm, and started thrusting in earnest.

He told the truth when he said it would be very rough. He was merciless, yet never went beyond what I could endure, letting the timber of my cries tell him when he was straying too close to the limits of my tolerance.

Somewhere in the middle of it all, he freed my arms. They coiled around his neck as if they had a life of their own, my hands clenching in his disheveled hair. Reaching down with one hand, his fingers skimming down my hip and thigh, never losing contact with my skin, he hooked his arm under my left knee, pushing my leg toward my chest as I pulled myself up to his face, savagely biting his lower lip, freed by the knowledge that I couldn't hurt him.

It was over quickly. In a heartbeat, the blazing sun in my lower abdomen went supernova, causing my muscles to contract powerfully around him, and it was his turn to cry out in shock. Dropping back to the bed, my arms falling away from his neck, fingers clutching convulsively at the sheets, I arched and twisted beneath him, turning my head, trying to muffle my frantic cries in the pillows. I felt him press his bared, tightly clenched teeth against my jugular as he slammed into me twice more. He cried out loudly into my neck, his body wracked with shudders, and went limp.

When the aftershocks faded, I drifted…well, on a cloud of bliss is such a cliché, but that is what it was. I felt boneless, liquid, a little sore, and very relaxed. Edward's cold body, still fused with mine, felt wonderful against my flushed, sweat-dampened skin. Even the weight of him on top of me was a comfort, somehow. I had never felt as deeply content and comfortable as I did right then.

It took me a while to notice that Edward wasn't moving. I could have been trapped in the frozen embrace of a statue.

"Edward? Are you ok?" I said, concerned. He shifted, lifting his head to look down at me.

The love and awe in his face were laced with shock. "Edward… what is it?" I asked, reaching up to touch his cheek. His next words stunned me.

"Bella…" he whispered, "I saw into you again."

* * *

"Why do you think it happens?"

We were lying in the copper light of the sunset, curled under the covers together. It would have been far too hot for that under normal circumstances, but that's what Edward's lovely cold body was there for. He was my reverse hot water bottle.

"I don't know," he replied. "I already hear everyone, so I assume it is something you are doing, but I really have nothing to base that assumption on." He turned, propping himself up on his elbow to look down at me.

"What did you see?" I said, looking at his lips, and then up at his eyes.

"It's more like what I felt." He shook his head. "I can't describe it, Bella. It was…I felt…it was a lot more intense than last time, and it lasted longer. I felt _everything_ you were feeling." He looked at me pointedly. My face ignited suddenly, and was absolutely furious with myself for it. "You felt my…" I stopped, totally embarrassed.

"Your orgasm, yes," he said, keeping any amusement he may have felt over my embarrassment to himself. "And everything you were feeling for me. It was the most seductive, intoxicating thing I have ever experienced." He leaned down to nudge my nose with his, and lay back down.

I was quiet for a long moment. "Edward…was it difficult for you?" I finally asked, a little afraid of the answer.

He understood exactly what I meant. "Yes," he said seriously. "It was very hard. I was…sorely tempted. Very sorely tempted. And that mental contact I had with you made it even harder."

"But you did resist, so…"

He sat up. "Bella, we can't do that again anytime soon. It is too dangerous."

"We aren't back to square one again are we?"

"No. But we have lost some ground. I am finding it difficult to resist you." He leaned down, kissing me as chastely as he did in the beginning of our relationship, almost as if he were testing himself. I longed to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away. "You should sleep now," he continued. "Your eyelids are drooping. We'll talk about this more tomorrow, I promise."

I _was_ tired, and deliciously so. Snuggling closer to him, I closed my eyes with a sigh.

"Edward," I murmured drowsily, "you know I am going to make you pay for that smack on the butt, don't you?"

He chuckled. "I don't doubt that for a minute, my love."

* * *

I woke up in the cold blue light of a moonlit room, alone. The room was a little stuffy, and the sheets were bunched around my knees. I untangled myself impatiently and went to open a window, letting in the cool night air. I couldn't find my nightgown, so I picked up the matching robe instead, and wrapped it around myself, padding down the stairs in search of Edward. As I neared the library, I heard him ending a call with someone.

He was sitting in one of the large armchairs. I went straight to him, and made myself at home on his lap. He enfolded me in his arms and pulled me to him, resting his chin on my head.

"Who was that?" I asked sleepily.

"Carlisle."

I straightened up and pulled back to look at him, apprehension in my tone. "And?"

"It's over." His voice was grim. "The newborns have been destroyed."

"Did anyone…" I stopped, swallowing.

"Everyone is ok, Bella," he reassured me, pulling me back against his chest.

"Thank goodness," I breathed, relieved beyond words. The Cullens, Jacob, Seth, the pack…all safe and sound.

Then it really hit me. It was over. I was safe, the people I loved were safe, and I was in this gorgeous place with the man I loved, with forever stretching out ahead of me. And speaking of forever…

"It is time to talk about my joining you, Edward," I said quietly.

He stiffened.

"Don't," I said sharply, pushing away from his chest to look at him again. "You said when this was over, we would really talk and you would really listen. Tensing up is not a good sign that you are going to be open minded about this."

He stood up, with me in his arms, and started back to the bedroom. "It is the middle of the night, Bella, and you are going to bed. We will talk about this tomorrow. _After_ I have gone hunting."

"Edward Cullen, you are stalling," I snapped, as he put me on the bed.

"I am not," he retorted. "After last night, I need to feed. I _especially_ need to feed if I am going to have that talk with you. I am sure you are going to try my patience once or twice."

"Likewise," I muttered. I frowned at him. "As soon as you get back from hunting, then," I said severely, shrugging out of my robe, "and not a minute later."

"Bella…" He sounded pained, "put something on, or I won't stay."

I had forgotten I was naked under the robe. I found my nightgown under the bed, pulled it over my head, and hopped into bed. The room had cooled with the window open, and I was glad to snuggle under the sheet. Edward stretched out on top of it, and I immediately rolled over and into my favorite sleeping position, head pillowed on his chest, and arm flung across him. I was asleep immediately.

* * *

Edward was gone by the time I woke up, and when I came downstairs, there was a note on the table from him telling me that he'd gone hunting, he would be back before nightfall, and that he'd made a fresh fruit salad for me. Retrieving it from the fridge, I went outside to sit on the steps, savoring the cold chunks of fruit with my fingers and enjoying the silence.

It really was very quiet here. There wasn't much bird song, and the silence was broken mainly be the soughing of the wind in the trees, and the occasional hum when an insect flew close by. I finished my breakfast, and went back inside to take a shower. I dressed, made the bed and straightened the room a bit, and then started looking for one of my new books. Unable to find it, I headed to the garage to see if it was still in the Volvo.

I forgot about the book as soon as I entered the garage. In addition to the Volvo, there was a motorcycle parked in the back. On the spur of the moment, I decided to see if it worked. If it did, I'd take it out for a spin and go exploring. A whole unsupervised day did not come my way often, and I was going to take advantage of it. I went back upstairs to change into jeans and get my backpack to carry a snack and some bottled water, and then wheeled the bike carefully past the Volvo and out of the garage. It took so long to get it started, I almost gave up. On my final attempt before throwing in the towel, it roared to life with a belch of black exhaust. Straddling it, I shouldered my pack and very carefully started making my way down the mountain road.

I was not wearing a watch, and it felt like hours before I got to the unpaved main road. I hesitated, looking right and left, and wondering which way to turn. I finally dug a coin out of my pocket, and flipped it. Right it was.

I rode for what felt like ages, never seeing a single sign of human life or habitation. Enjoying the solitude at first, I eventually got a little nervous, and became very conscious of how alone I was. If something happened to the bike, I would be in for a very unpleasant rest of the day, and as much of the night as it took Edward to find me.

Right on cue, the bike started sputtering, and shortly thereafter, the engine died. I came to a stop, and got off the bike, wobbling it, listening for sloshing in the gas tank. I heard nothing.

I had run out of gas.

I fought to control a surge of panic. It would not do to lose it now. I knew there was nothing the way I had come, so I looked ahead, trying to see if there was anything, any habitation of any kind visible to me. Dammit, why did I keep getting myself into these scrapes? No wonder Edward was so overbearingly protective. I could hardly blame him when I clearly wasn't doing much of a job proving I could take care of myself.

I spotted something in the distance that looked like it could be an edifice of some kind, and decided to wheel the bike at least that far. If it was abandoned, I could hide the bike before…before what? I certainly couldn't walk home. Metaphorically kicking myself yet again for my stupidity, I started pushing the bike along beside me.

* * *

I was lucky. Not only was the structure I saw a home, but it was well maintained, and also occupied. Three Native Americans - two women and a middle-aged man - were sitting in the shade of the porch. As I wheeled the bike onto their property, the man stood and came toward me.

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but I ran out of gas," I said, smiling at him. "You wouldn't happen to have any I could buy, would you?"

"Unfortunately, we are out," he said. "But I can give you and your bike a ride back to wherever you came from. You shouldn't be out right now; it's too hot, and it's only going to get hotter. It can be dangerous."

Not having any choice and grateful for the help, I accepted his offer of a ride. "Thank you," I said, relieved. "You don't know how much I appreciate it. I live up on the mountain, down the road a ways."

"You are a guest of Mr. Cullen's?" he said, surprised. "We are the caretakers of his place when he is away. You have come quite some way from there."

I was curious if they had ever met Edward, but didn't want to open a potential can of worms by asking. Instead, I introduced myself while he wheeled the bike over to a pick-up truck, and with my help, lifted the bike onto the bed.

When I climbed into the cab next to him, I noticed his cell phone clipped to his waistband. "Could I trouble you for one more thing? I need to make a long distance phone call. Could I borrow your phone? I'll pay you for the call…" He waved off my offer of payment, and handed me his phone.

I flipped it open, and dialed. Since I was having trouble getting in touch with Alice, I was going to call Carlisle.

**To be continued…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Bella**:

I called the Cullens' landline, as I didn't remember Carlisle's cell phone number. I had planned on getting it from one of the others, but I was in luck for a change. Carlisle answered himself.

"Hello?"

"Carlisle!" I cried, relieved to finally be speaking to someone in the Cullen family.

"Bella!" he said, his voice warmly affectionate. "Are you enjoying your trip?"

"Carlisle, I…" I stopped, aware that I wasn't alone. Edward's caretaker, Howard, couldn't help but overhear, and what I had to say couldn't be said in front of him.

"Bella?" Carlisle said, sounding worried now. "Is everything alright? Is that Edward with you?"

"No…" I hesitated again, not able to find a way of telling Carlisle that his son had kidnapped me without seriously freaking Howard out. Howard, noticing my dilemma, pulled to the side of the road, and came to a stop.

"Would you like some privacy?" he asked me. "I could use a smoke, anyway."

"Thank you," I said gratefully, reaching for the door to get out of the truck. Howard insisted on being the one to step out, though, and I was able to talk to Carlisle in the privacy of the cab. He walked away from the truck, lighting up a cigarette.

My words came out in a tumble. "Carlisle…Edward kidnapped me. He carried me from my bedroom in the middle of the night in my pajamas, and took me to his place in New Mexico…he's planning on keeping me here for a few years, to keep me from being changed…Charlie thinks we are on vacation…Alice told him…" Suddenly, the stresses of the last few days caught up with me, along with the fears for the safety of those I cared for and the worries over Victoria and her psychotic offspring. My voice broke, and I started crying, sobbing out the rest of my tale as Carlisle listened patiently at the other end.

When I stopped talking, he was silent for so long, I thought we had been disconnected. "Bella, where is Edward?" he finally asked me grimly.

I was stunned into silence for a moment. I had never heard his voice so dark and stern. I was not familiar with that Carlisle; I didn't know he had it in him. I swallowed, suddenly very glad I wasn't Edward.

"Uh…he went hunting," I stammered. Something in Carlisle's new tone of voice compelled me to elaborate. "I borrowed his motorcycle and went exploring, then ran out of gas. Edward's caretaker is bringing me home. He had a phone, and since I haven't been able to reach Alice, I thought I'd try and reach you. I wasn't sure Edward would let me call you, considering what it took to get him to let me call Alice, so I borrowed Howard's phone…" My voice cracked again, and I was mortified, not understanding why I was suddenly so weepy.

"Bella, honey, don't worry about a thing," he said soothingly. "When Edward gets back, you tell him to call me. Immediately. I will come to you as soon as I can arrange for some time off at the hospital."

I nearly sobbed in relief. "Thank you, Carlisle," I said, my breath hitching.

"We all love you, Bella. I intend to keep my promise to you. We will welcome you into our family, whether Edward likes it or not. Do not let it concern you a minute longer."

We said our goodbyes and I was about to hang up when I decided to ask for Alice. "Carlisle, wait! Is Alice there? We've been having trouble getting through to her. I'd like to speak to her."

He hesitated. "I have a feeling Alice is avoiding the two of you for some reason, Bella. I have no idea why. Edward wanted to speak to her earlier, but she made herself scarce."

This came as a shock to me. I could see Alice avoiding Edward, but not me. I couldn't see what reason she could have. We ended the call, and I wiped my eyes, glad for my sunglasses. I flipped down the visor and checked myself in the mirror for signs of tears. Satisfied that I was presentable, I stuck my head out of the window and called Howard back, thanking him profusely and apologizing for inconveniencing him as I handed him his phone.

"It's no problem," he said gruffly, waving me off. "As a guest of Mr. Cullen's, I consider taking care of you part of my caretaker duties."

"That's very kind of you." I said as he pulled back onto the road. "I really appreciate it. I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there."

"Yes, that was lucky. You should be a little more careful out here," he chided me gently. "Things can go wrong very quickly."

"I know," I said, abashed. "I'm from Phoenix, I should know better."

"Well, no harm done," he said comfortingly, and we lapsed into silence for the rest of the trip.

* * *

When we got back to the house, we unloaded the bike, and he wheeled it into the garage for me.

"Is Mr. Cullen in?" he asked, taking note of the Volvo in the garage and the jeep out beneath the carport.

"I'm sorry, he went hiking today," I lied quickly. "He said he'd be back before dark."

"Pity. I would like to meet him some day."

Ah. So he had never met him. I was wondering how that worked. I couldn't see how Edward could maintain in-person contact with these people, without the question of his not aging coming up.

"Perhaps he will drop by during our stay," I said lamely.

"I doubt it. He never does. I think he likes his privacy, and we respect that. He's a very generous employer."

"I can imagine he is," I agreed. "He's the most generous man I have ever met."

When Howard's truck had disappeared down the road and into the trees, I went inside to busy myself and await Edward's return. I grabbed a quick snack, and decided to make _salsa verde_ cheese enchiladas for dinner, to keep myself from thinking about having to tell Edward that Carlisle was expecting his call. When I was done, I covered the casserole dish and put it in the fridge, ready for the oven later, and decided to go for a walk. I changed into shorts and put on my new hiking boots with thick socks, and then headed out to explore the area around the hot spring.

I blushed when I got to the spring, remembering the tender, intimate way Edward had bathed me, and trailed my fingers in the hot water. Then of course I remembered the night before, and the forceful, almost violent way he had made love to me. I blushed harder, feeling a little weak at the knees at the memory, glad that Edward wasn't here to see my flaming face. The intensity of my sudden lust for him overwhelmed me, and for one crazy moment, I debated taking off my clothes and slipping into the water to take care of a most pressing need. Not to mention let the hot water ease some of the delayed soreness that was starting to make itself felt in my legs, especially my inner thighs. I probably had some serious bruising. I decided against an x-rated dip, and averting my eyes from the spring, I carefully rounded it and continued on down the path.

It was a lovely day. I had never felt better. It was a relief to have unburdened myself to Carlisle and to have placed myself in his hands. I could now be confident that I would soon be joining Edward and his family as a vampire. Carlisle would not allow him, or anyone else, to stand in my way.

Now that my dreams were going to become a reality, I started to think about what I would have to go through to get to where I wanted to be. The pain, I knew from being told, was excruciating, and it could last for days. I didn't handle pain very well, but could handle staying human and aging while Edward didn't even less. I had no choice. I would just have to endure it. And then the thirst…I was a little worried about that too, but I was in the perfect place to spend my first few months as a newborn, getting used to what I had become, and the new urges that accompanied the change. I picked my way carefully down the rocky path, my thoughts returning to Carlisle.

I was looking forward to seeing him. I had so much I wanted to talk to him about, so much to ask him. Edward had already told me about, and even shown me, the worst that there was about being a vampire, but I wanted a more balanced view, and Carlisle seemed like the best person to give it to me. I realized with a pang of regret that Carlisle was becoming more of a father to me than my real father. I felt a moment of guilt. I knew it was only a matter of time before I had to break my ties completely with Charlie, and I already loved Carlisle as much as I did my dad. Unfortunately the things that preoccupied my mind most these days were things I could not discuss with Charlie. It had to be Dr. Cullen.

I felt a sudden stab of longing to hear my dad's voice. I would have to call him tonight. I hadn't spoken to him in two days, and I didn't want him to start bugging Carlisle and Esme. And there was Renee to consider too. I had not checked my email in a while; she must be getting frantic, though I am guessing she would have heard from my father by now. Still, I needed to get in touch with her somehow.

And then there was Alice's strange behavior. What the hell was going on with her? I could not understand why she was avoiding us. She helped us with Charlie – or rather she helped Edward with Charlie – and then dropped off the radar. It couldn't be because she didn't want to be the one to change me, as she knew Carlisle had promised me he would do it. It was baffling.

I also wanted to talk to him about the brief flashes of time during which Edward seemed to be able to see my thoughts and feel my feelings. I was ambivalent about the whole thing, and I was hoping it would not turn into a regular thing. I valued my mental privacy greatly, but I also relished the idea that I could show Edward how much I loved him in a way no one else could. I just hoped I could gain some control over the process.

As I walked I became so focused on my thoughts of Edward, that I stopped paying attention to where I was placing my feet. When my weight suddenly dislodged the large stone I had put my foot down on, I lost my balance, and started sliding down the incline in a shower of rocks and dirt.

* * *

**Edward**:

I had fed well, and had delayed going home long enough. I'd left the house shortly after Bella had fallen asleep again, and run higher up into the mountains, finding an abundance of deer very quickly. I quickly sated my thirst, and spent the rest of the day aimlessly wandering the mountains, considering the dilemma facing me.

I was not looking forward to our upcoming talk. I had avoided thinking about her changing during this trip, but I _had _made her a promise, so I didn't have a choice. I _had_ to think about it. I still had no idea what I would tell her though. I knew, and had known all along, that I couldn't keep her hidden away from my family forever, but I had been desperate enough to try, to buy myself some time. Vainly hoping she would come to her senses.

I just couldn't seem to let go of her humanity. I could not see her changing as being the solution to all our problems, as my family did. To me it was an intolerable desecration. The fact that it was and should be Bella's choice alone could not sway me either. I knew I had no right to dictate to her on this, but I was unable to give in. I was trapped in my inflexibility, unable to go forward or back, frozen in this course of action. Sighing, I looked up at the sky. The sun was getting low and I wanted to get back to Bella before dark.

I had just started off at a leisurely jog when I suddenly went temporarily blind. Confused, I stumbled and went down on one knee, bracing myself against the ground with one hand.

It was Bella. Somehow, she had opened up to me again. I heard a distant scream, and at the same moment felt Bella's fear, seeing a roiling mass of churning rock and earth. As she fell, her only thought was of me.

_Alice's vision_.

I roared in terror and broke into a dead run. I cleared ravines and scaled vertical faces in seconds, absolutely mindless with anguish. I snapped thick branches like twigs as I ran, even taking down a small tree in my flight, all of it registering only in a blur of grief.

I reached her in minutes, and came to a stop as soon as I had her in my sight. There could be no doubt any longer about it being Alice's vision. The incline, her clothes, the way her body lay among the rocks, it was all right. And all so horribly wrong.

I dropped to my knees. As I had yet to draw breath, my drawn out scream was soundless. _God, no…_ I mouthed wordlessly_. Bella, no…no, no, no_…

I had never longed for death, or at least the blissful oblivion of unconsciousness, more than I did at that moment. I had 'lost' Bella before, when I thought she had killed herself by jumping off a cliff; but as unthinkably horrifying as that had been, it paled in comparison with the reality of seeing her lifeless, broken body splayed out in front of me. I slumped forward, prepared to never move again.

Then, a miracle occurred.

I heard a low moan. My head snapped up, and I focused all of my senses in on her. I had been so blinded by pain and grief that I had failed to notice that she still breathed and had a heartbeat, not to mention the lack of a head wound. I could smell blood, but not enough to indicate serious injury. I was at her side in a second, sucking in a tearing breath so I could speak.

"Bella," I choked out. "Oh God, Bella…please…"

Just like that, my resistance to her being turned into a vampire shattered. When faced with the reality of losing her to death again, her humanity seemed like a small price to pay for keeping her. I did not understand what had happened; all the elements of Alice's vision were there, except the most frightening one. Bella's skull wasn't bashed in. She was alive, and her vital signs were stable.

I had been convinced she was dead. I knew what it felt like to lose her, and I could never go through anything like that again. That is all it took for me to come to terms with her becoming a vampire. I did not like it, and I certainly couldn't do it myself, but I could no longer be opposed to the idea. She moaned again, her eyelids fluttering.

"Bella?" I said gently, keeping a tight rein on my fear. "Bella, don't move. You have taken a bad fall; I need to make sure you are ok." I paused, choking up. "Oh, Bella...I thought you were dead..."

"Edward?" she whimpered, opening her eyes. They were glazed with shock. "Oh, Edward…everything hurts…"

"I know, sweetheart." I smoothed her hair back from her face, carefully feeling for bumps on her head. "Can you move your legs?"

"Ouch!" she yelped. "Yes, but I think I hurt my ankle."

I ran my hands down her arms and legs, testing the joints and probing for broken bones. Aside from scrapes and bruises, some of them quite extensive, she seemed to be in one piece.

"Put your arms around my neck, Bella," I instructed her, carefully lifting her into my arms. She cried out softly, wincing. "I know, baby…It's ok," I murmured. "I've got you. You are safe now. I am going to take you home and we are going to treat your cuts and scrapes, you are going to have something to eat, and then we will have that talk."

Cradling my life carefully against my chest, I headed into the growing twilight, bound for home.

**To be continued…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Bella**:

I don't remember much about being carried back to the house. Maybe it was a blur because it was so quick. It seemed like only seconds until we were walking through the door.

I was feeling kind of floaty, like when you are coming off an adrenaline high. Which I suppose I was, given the scare I had had. My legs and arms felt like Jello. I didn't think I would be able to stand even if my ankle _didn't_ hurt like hell.

When Edward gently put me down in one of the armchairs in front of the fire place, lifting my legs up onto an ottoman, I started shaking. He began seeing to my care, moving so quickly he was making my head spin. I had to close my eyes and lay my head back to keep myself from being nauseous. He disappeared to get a blanket to cover me, got the fire going in the fireplace and then went to get the first aid kit out of the Volvo. Somewhere in there he also managed to make me a cup of very hot, sweet tea, which I had been instructed to drink with no arguments.

"What am I going to do with you, Bella?" he murmured, starting to inspect and clean my various cuts and scrapes.

"You are going to turn me into a vampire," I said firmly, watching his face for a reaction. I didn't get the one I was expecting.

"Yes," he said quietly, not looking at me. "That would seem to be the only logical solution."

My jaw dropped. "Uh…what?" I croaked. "Are you finally agreeing to it?"

He looked at me then, his eyes hard. "I don't like it," he said bluntly, "but I realized I can't lose you over something as trivial as your humanity. You are more important to me than your scent, or the way you blush, or your endearing clumsiness, or all of your adorable human traits put together, for that matter." He paused. "I won't stand in your way, Bella, but neither can I be the one to do it. I'm sorry, I just can't."

Oddly enough, it didn't matter as much as I thought it would. I was so relieved to have his blessing, and also, I felt safest with Carlisle doing it anyway. He was the only one who had said with absolute confidence that he would have no problem doing the deed without killing me. Before I could say anything, Edward continued.

"If you have no objections, I would like Carlisle to do it. I would feel better about him doing it than Alice."

I noticed that he was asking me politely instead of telling me. My accident must have been a life-changing experience for him. "I have no objections," I said, still stunned at how quickly the tides had turned in my favor.

"Speaking of Carlisle…" I stopped, afraid to confess to having successfully outwitted Edward and gotten to a phone in spite of him. "He wanted you to call him as soon as you got back."

He froze in the middle of taping a square of gauze to a particularly nasty scrape on my shin, and looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"Really?" he said politely. "And how is it you came to be talking to Carlisle today?"

Oh, Hell. "I…uh…" I stammered, grasping for a plausible story. Edward let me flounder for a bit, and then took pity on me.

"I can smell when a motorcycle has been used, Bella, even hours later," he said acerbically. "So, you took my bike out for a joy ride, without a helmet no doubt," - I blushed at that - "and then what happened?"

"I met your caretakers, and borrowed their phone to call Carlisle. He sounded pretty mad, by the way."

"Never mind that," he waved it off. "Isn't there something else you are not telling me?" He raised his eyebrows.

I tried to look innocent. "No, there isn't," I said.

"You ran out of gas, Bella," he countered severely.

"Oh. That." I took a long swallow of my tea.

"Yes, that. Did you even check before you went out?"

"Obviously not," I said tartly, "or I wouldn't have gotten myself into that particular pickle. You really should call Carlisle," I continued smoothly. "He was most insistent that you do it immediately."

"I'll just bet he was," he muttered darkly, digging his phone out of his pocket. "I am guessing he knows I took you against your will and why?"

I had the grace to look embarrassed. "Yes. He does. I told you I'd fight dirty to get what I wanted."

"Yes," he mused, eyeing me with an unreadable expression. "You did mention that in passing a couple of times." He dialed the number, and waited.

"Carlisle," he said after a moment. He didn't speak for the next minute or so, gradually squaring his shoulders and stiffening. His jaw tightened. He looked like a young man getting a dressing down and not liking it one bit. "Yes, sir," he finally said respectfully. After another short silence, he was giving Carlisle precise directions on how to find the house. Then, in response to question from Carlisle, he started telling him about me, never once looking in my direction.

"Bella is ok, but she had an accident. It was Alice's vision, Carlisle. Everything except for the…" He looked at me briefly, and continued. "Everything but the head trauma…I did, but I didn't feel anything…ok, hold on a second."

He went to one of the kitchen drawers and took out a small flashlight, coming back over to me. He put the cell phone down on the side table next to me, and started performing a series of examinations, probably making sure I didn't have a concussion. No doubt prompted by Carlisle on the phone, he shone the flashlight in my eyes, did the follow-my-finger test, and asked me a few questions, not bothering to relay the answers to Carlisle as he was quite obviously able to hear everything. It was interesting watching Edward carrying on this one sided conversation with someone the phone, and not holding it to his ear. He then picked it up and handed it to me.

"Carlisle wants to speak to you."

I reached for the phone. "Hello?"

"Bella, how are you feeling?" he asked.

"Shaken, but ok," I replied. He proceeded to asked me a bunch of questions about blurry vision, dizziness and headaches, and finally, satisfied with my answers, told me he thought I was ok.

"As soon as you get off the phone, Edward is going to take you up to bed. I am pretty sure you have suffered no head injury, but just to be on the safe side, I am having him wake you up every hour to make sure. I want you to do as he says until I get there. I have taken emergency family leave, and will get there as soon as I can. We are leaving in a few hours; we will be driving straight through, and should be there by tomorrow evening, ok?"

"Thanks," I said, relieved.

"You are welcome, sweetheart. Now you mind Edward, understood? I have instructed him to make you take it easy, and I don't want you giving him any trouble, do you hear me?"

"Yes," I muttered, a little put out at the thought of having to obey Edward. "Carlisle, what was that about Alice's vision and head trauma?"

"It's a long story, Bella. We will talk about it when I get there. I want you to rest now."

I decided against insisting for an answer, and said goodbye. I ended the call, handing the phone back to Edward, who in turn handed me a small bowl of oatmeal with cream and brown sugar on top. I wasn't hungry, but I ate it dutifully and handed the empty bowl back to him.

"Was it really bad?" I asked him when he picked me up to carry me upstairs. He knew immediately that I was referring to the initial part of his phone call with Carlisle.

"Yes," he said, "but it is nothing compared to the tongue-lashing I am going to get when he gets here."

"How nice of him to give you a preview," I joked. "It helps build up the anticipation for more."

Edward grinned ruefully. "Yes, that is one of his tactics. I'll be so wound up by the time he gets here, I'll be begging for chastisement."

"You don't sound too worried," I said, as he placed me on the bed and propped my bandaged ankle on a pillow.

"I am scared silly," he admitted, pulling the sheet over me. "Think of how you would be feeling right now, if Charlie was taking a leave of absence to drive twenty-plus hours away, because of something _you_ did."

Well, when he put it that way…and Charlie was a pussycat compared to Carlisle, if what I had already witnessed was any indication. "What will he do?" I asked apprehensively. "He won't hit you, will he? He doesn't strike me as being a 'spare the rod, spoil the child' kind of guy."

He stretched out on top of the bed next to me. "He's not; which is surprising, given that he is a preacher's son, not to mention born in a time when that sort of thing was common," he said. "Thrashing me wouldn't help, anyway. I don't exactly feel that kind of pain. No, Carlisle has a way with words that you wouldn't believe. He'll probably make me _wish_ I could be hurt physically."

I chewed on my lip, trying to picture it. "Wow. "I'm glad I am not you."

"Gee thanks," he responded sarcastically. "Remember, Bella, you're going to be joining the family. You'll be where I am right now, sooner or later. Probably sooner, knowing you," he added as an afterthought.

"Hey!" I protested, cuffing him playfully.

I was laughing, but the mere thought of being in Edward's position made the bottom fall out of my stomach.

* * *

We were both quite subdued the next day. Edward was obviously preoccupied with thoughts of his impending confrontation with Carlisle, so much so that he wasn't even making the effort to appear human. He was staring into space, and hadn't moved _at all_ in the last twenty five minutes. Not a muscle.

As for me, I had worries of my own. I called Charlie and Renee, letting them know where we were, and telling them about my accident. Both were reassured by the fact that Carlisle was coming down to check on me; he had let Charlie know what had happened before he left. I was very aware as I spoke to my parents that it might be at least a year before I could see them again, if at all. It was a sobering thought.

Before the day got too hot, Edward carried me to the hot spring for a long dip to soothe my aching muscles. We stayed in until I was a sweating prune (Edward was, of course, still irritatingly perfect), and then went back to the house. The soak helped, and I was feeling much better.

I tried to quiz Edward on the vision he and Carlisle had been talking about, but Edward, taking Carlisle's instructions to the extreme, refused to even talk about it.

"Nuh-uh," he said firmly as I wheedled. "I am in enough trouble as it is. Carlisle said you would talk about it when he got here, and that you needed to rest, and that is what you are going to do."

"He meant that for yesterday, Edward!" I argued. "That vision was about me, and I have the right to know what it is about!"

"That's enough, Bella," he snapped. "Carlisle gets in tonight, it can wait until then."

"But…"

"Do you want me to tell him that you went against his instructions and gave me trouble?" he threatened.

"You wouldn't!" I hissed.

"Try me," he said, daring me.

I stuck out my tongue at him. He stuck his out right back at me, and we collapsed into nervous giggles. We spent the next half hour alleviating the tension by coming up with increasingly unrealistic and unpleasant ways in which Carlisle could punish Edward, and laughing immoderately.

* * *

We were in the den, me with my nose in a book and Edward playing the same tune on an old upright piano over and over again, when he suddenly froze, his hands poised over the keys.

"They are close," he said, his tone even. "They will be here in about ten minutes."

"Who is with him?" I asked, sitting up.

"Jasper and Emmett," he replied.

I was overjoyed to be seeing Jasper and Emmett, but disappointed that Esme and Alice were not with them. Edward rose, lifted me into his arms, and took me back into the front room, settling me in one of the armchairs by the fireplace. He then backed against the wall across from me, his arms hanging loosely at his sides, to wait. I tried to read, but Edward just stood motionless, his eyes on the door.

It felt like forever until we heard a car pull up to the house. I had been reading the same paragraph over and over, going back to the beginning again when I realized I hadn't taken in a word. I was quite happy to give up the attempt. I marked my page with a bookmark, and set the book aside, folding my hands in my lap. Edward looked at me and then back at the door. Car doors slammed; then came the crunch of footsteps.

The door opened, and Carlisle swept in, carrying his medical bag, followed by a subdued Emmett and Jasper. His patrician features were hard, and his incandescent eyes swept the room, searching for and settling on me. His features softened immediately, hardening again when he sought Edward out.

Father and son locked eyes, neither one of them blinking. Of course, they didn't have to. They didn't say a word, either. The stand-off continued so long, I began to get uncomfortable. Finally, Edward surrendered and dropped his eyes.

"I am going to take Bella upstairs to examine her," Carlisle said, keeping his eyes on Edward. "Go outside and help Emmett and Jasper with our things, and then bring my medical bag up to the bedroom."

The three boys filed wordlessly outside, and Carlisle turned to me again, smiling at my surprised expression. "How are you feeling, Bella?" he asked, moving toward me and gathering me up into his arms. "Which way?" he added.

I motioned toward the stairs, and he started up them. "I am fine. Much better now that Edward has decided not to stand in my way."

"That's good," he said. "We will talk about it tomorrow," he continued, refusing to be drawn into that discussion right then. "This is a big decision, and I want to be absolutely sure you know what you are getting into, insofar as it is possible for someone to know."

"Actually, I have already made up my mind," I insisted as he set me down on the bed. "I want to do this as soon as possible."

"That's fine," he said, unwrapping my bandaged foot to look at it. "Nevertheless, we need to talk, and we'll do it tomorrow. There is a condition I would like you to meet, before we go through with changing you."

"What? What condition? You promised! You said after graduation!" My voice was rising with every word.

"Bella!" he reprimanded me firmly but gently. "Settle down. I _will_ keep my promise to you. I just want you to visit your mother one last time before we do it. Is that too much to ask?"

"No," I said reluctantly. I _should_ visit her before I did this. This additional delay was frustrating, but it was a tiny price to pay.

"No," I repeated, with more certainty. "It isn't too much to ask at all."

**To be continued...**


	14. Chapter 14

**Note: **I have two words for you: poor Edward.

**

* * *

Edward**:

"Do you have _any_ idea how much trouble you are in?" Jasper said quietly.

"Thanks, Jazz, I think I have a pretty good idea," I snapped. "I can read his mind, remember?"

"Yeah, but you can't read his emotions. I've never seen him this upset, Ed. You really screwed up this time. And before you ask, Carlisle has already told me not to tamper with his emotions, or yours. You're on your own with this one."

I swallowed convulsively. Apparently, I was going to get the full treatment. We had reached the car, and Emmett, who had yet to contribute a word, opened the trunk and started unloading it, throwing the bags at me with enough violence to let me know he was pretty pissed off himself. Not that I needed any outward signs; his thoughts were practically screaming at me.

"You got a problem, Emmett?" I said, catching the bags and dropping them. He slammed the trunk and strode toward me, getting up close and personal.

"Yeah, I do," he said, in my face. "The last 24 hours have been Hell because of you. Esme is a wreck because of what you did to Bella, and Carlisle has been ordering everyone around like a drill-sergeant since she managed to get away from you long enough to call. I don't appreciate being separated from Rosalie and forced into this little junket because you always have to have everything your way."

"Well excuse me for disrupting your sex life," I snarled, pushing against him to get him out of my personal space, "but Bella's life is a little more important to me than ensuring you have access to your girlfriend at all times. Besides, I'm not the one who made you drive down here."

By the time I had gotten all the words out, we had both grabbed on to fistfuls of the other's clothing and were scuffling with each other. We didn't get far before Jasper came between us. I tended to forget that Jasper, being older than both of us, was even stronger than Emmett (though not by much), and was able to separate us relatively easily, especially given the fact that our altercation was minor. We weren't actually trying to inflict any damage on each other. Yet.

"Have you guys lost your minds?!" he hissed. "Stop it! Do you want Carlisle even more pissed that he already is?"

Emmett and I glared at each other, but wisely stopped arguing. The three of us picked up the assorted bags and carried them into the house. I dropped everything inside the door, leaving Jasper and Emmett to deal with it and get settled in on their own. Grabbing Carlisle's medical bag, I went upstairs to bring it to him. He was busy bandaging Bella's foot up again when I entered the room.

She shot me an angry look, which I was not expecting.

"I told Bella about Alice's vision," Carlisle explained, seeing the confused look on my face. "She is upset with us for not telling her."

She glared at me. "Is there anything else you are keeping from me, Edward?" she snapped.

I was not able to hide the guilt on my face fast enough, at least not for Carlisle. He looked at me intently.

"Edward?" he said quietly. "You did tell her about Victoria, didn't you?"

I didn't need to answer. Bella's cry of surprise was all the answer Carlisle needed.

"What? What about Victoria?" she squeaked. "You told me it was over, that everything was ok!"

She looked at me, expecting an answer. They both were. Carlisle, understandably, was going to let me dig my way out of this one all by myself.

"The newborns were destroyed, but Victoria got away," I said reluctantly. "I…" I stopped.

I expected anger. I was braced for it. I _didn't_ expect the look of hopelessness and defeat that crossed her face, or the way she seemed to shrink into herself. She just sank back down into the bed, curling into a tight ball beneath the covers, her back turned to us.

"So it's not over, and _nothing_ is ok. You lied to me. Again," she whispered, her voice breaking.

My heart broke along with it, and guilt flooded through me. Her shoulders started shaking. I took a step toward her, opening my mouth to speak, wanting to comfort her, to tell her it would be alright, I would protect her, but Carlisle held up a finger.

_Not now, Edward…Please. She is not ready to deal with you yet. She needs some time alone to process everything. Wait for me downstairs. I will finish up here, and then deal with you. You can come up and see her afterward._

I tensed, angry at being kept from Bella. She was mine. Mine to comfort and take care of. If it had been anyone else but Carlisle…Though he wasn't my biological father, he was my father in every other way, every way that mattered. He was more than worthy of my respect, and I just couldn't bring myself to defy him. I owed him more than that. Besides that, he probably had a point; Bella had been through a lot in the past few days. Time was something I had plenty of; it was the least I could give her. I reluctantly turned on my heels and went downstairs.

Japer and Emmett were in the den, arguing about which of my DVDs to watch when I joined them. Emmett turned to me immediately, looking apologetic.

"Hey bro…I am sorry about what I said out there. It was kind of a long and stressful trip."

I interrupted him. "It's ok, Em, really. I probably deserved it."

_You did_, Jasper thought. _You ass_.

I looked at him, but his expression was not unkind. Turning away, I seated myself at the piano, playing softly as I waited to be summoned. I caught Emmett's and Jasper's amused thoughts, and realized I was playing Chopin's Funeral March. Laughing, I stopped immediately, launching into a ridiculous silent-movie-era suspenseful piano riff. Emmett guffawed.

Our levity was short lived. All too soon, I heard my name spoken quietly from somewhere within the house. It was Carlisle, summoning me to the library. I sighed, standing. Jasper and Emmett looked at me sympathetically. We had all been there before at some time or another.

It was time to face the music.

* * *

Carlisle was standing at the window looking out when I entered the room, his hands clasped behind his back. I moved to one of the armchairs and slumped into it, waiting.

"I did not give you leave to sit," he said without turning, setting the tone. I stood up again, and waited some more. This was going to be exactly as unpleasant as I had imagined it would be.

He finally turned to face me, his expression serious. "I am _very_ disappointed in you, Edward," he said wearily.

Ouch.

"Furthermore, you have upset Esme, and that is _unacceptable_."

Double ouch.

"If you were human, I would try and convince Bella to press charges against you. At the very least, I would take a strap to you, seventeen years old or not." I didn't need to read his mind to know that he meant what he was saying, on both counts. I was surprised, because it seemed a little extreme to me. But Carlisle didn't say _anything_ lightly. He weighed his words carefully, and never said anything he didn't absolutely mean. Therefore, his words also gave me the first inklings that, just maybe, I had made a really big mistake.

I didn't have time to delve much into this unwelcome thought, because Carlisle wasn't done with me by a long shot.

"Kidnapping is a _serious_ offense. It is a felony, usually punishable by jail time," he continued. "Being vampires, and therefore out of reach of the law by necessity, does not give us the right to play fast and loose with human rules. We have to abide by them just like everyone else does. That is a lesson you seem to be much in need of learning since you met Bella, because what you did was unconscionable. I figured you had probably taken her under protest, but I never dreamed you would actually stoop so low as to snatch her from her home, her father, and her life, in the dead of night, and against her will. I assumed she was reluctantly willing, at the very least."

He went on and on, chastising me in that gentle tone of his, a tone laced with disappointment and sadness, and also that hint of steel that kept us in line so well. He used just the right combination of words and timber to totally undo me. His description of the way all this had affected Esme alone nearly broke me. If I had been human, my face would have been flaming with shame right about then. I could barely look him in the eyes. I didn't know he had moved to stand before me until I felt his fingers under my chin, gently but firmly tilting my face up to look him in the eyes. I noticed for the first time how drained and worried he looked. My feelings of guilt became almost unbearable.

"You will always be a part of this family, Edward. But if you want to continue living with us, you will have to abide by human rules and mine as well. You will stop restricting Bella's freedom. She loves you too deeply to ever leave you, but you must curb your overbearing nature because it _will_ make her unhappy eventually. I know you don't want that. And above all, Edward, you _must_ stop lying to her."

He paused as if searching for the best way to say something. "You can't be her keeper and her lover at the same time; that is a recipe for disaster. Lovers must be equals. Bella does need protection given that she doesn't fully understand the dangers of the world we live in, and tends to be careless of her safety as a result, but she will need time and guidance to come to terms with our world and her place in it. Let me be the one to provide her with that guidance. When she joins us she will become my daughter in a sense anyway, so let me take that responsibility away from you. She needs you to be her lover, her friend, and her companion through eternity. Let _me_ be her guide, her keeper and the bad guy that corrects her behavior when necessary."

I felt a strange sense of relief as he spoke, like a burden was being lifted. To lay off the mantle of father protector that I sometimes wore around Bella, to put that side of my relationship with Bella into his capable hands…it was tempting. It would be difficult to let go, especially if I disagreed with some of Carlisle's decisions, but I could see that he was right. I could see it so clearly, now. When Bella was turned, she and I could truly be equals. Let Carlisle deal with her stubbornness and her strong will; he was far better equipped to handle it than I was anyway. He did not have the problem with his temper that I had. He also happened to be the only other person in the world I trusted with the job of taking care of her.

I nodded and he smiled, sensing my relief. Then his expression hardened again.

"You will apologize to Bella, but not right away. I want you to think about it first. I want you to make sure you truly comprehend how wrong you were before you do. You must be genuinely sorry about what you did. Furthermore, you'll do it in front of the family. I'll want Jasper to let me know your regret is genuine. You will also apologize to the family, especially Esme when she gets here. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir," I said, pleased that my tone was even and strong.

He smiled again. "You can drop the 'sir', Edward. It isn't necessary.

I grinned. "I couldn't help it, it just came out. You can be pretty intimidating, when you choose to be."

He laughed, ruffling my hair. "Go to her now. She is probably fighting off sleep waiting for you. Explain to her about Victoria. Make sure she understands that she is part of the family, and safe with us."

I headed for the stairs and then turned. He was back at the window, looking out again.

"Carlisle?"

He turned to look at me.

"Thanks. For everything," I said sincerely.

"You are welcome."

I left the room shaken, but feeling lighter than I had in ages.

* * *

Bella was indeed still awake, sitting on the bed hugging her knees to her chest, too nervous and full of questions to sleep yet. I climbed onto the bed and sat, cross legged, facing her.

"What did he do?" she asked, typical Bella, worried more about me than about herself and any danger she might be in.

"Exactly what I thought he would," I said. "He made me feel like I was five years old and very, very sorry for a great many things."

Without giving her a chance to respond, I launched into my apology, the first of many. "Bella, I am sorry I lied to you about Victoria. I didn't want you to worry and be afraid. I was wrong to withhold that information from you, but I did it with the best of intentions, not that it makes it right."

"Oh, I know you did, Edward!" she cried out softly, holding out her hands to me. "I know you've never done anything without having my best intentions in mind. It's just the things you do…"

"I know. I know, and I am sorry," I said fervently, holding the back of one of her hands to my cold face. "This is all so new to me Bella. To love someone the way I love you…it is frightening. It makes me see the dangers of this world in a whole new way. I am terrified of losing you. It…it addles my brain, and makes me treat you in a way you shouldn't be treated, at least not by a boyfriend, if at all. Please accept my apologies for the way I have acted toward you. And please be patient with me. I know I can be overbearing, but it will take time for me to change, and I may have relapses. Oh and by the way, I am going to have to apologize to you again, in front of the rest of the family. Carlisle's orders. I just wanted you to be prepared."

"Oh, no…" she muttered, burying her face in her hands, knowing it would make her the center of attention and hating it. "I'll talk to him about that," she said, looking at me again. "That isn't necessary."

"He thinks it is, and don't talk to him on my account. I will do whatever he thinks is necessary to make amends."

She climbed into my lap and hugged me, comforting me. I wrapped my arms around her, pressing my lips against her temple, sighing in contentment. "It will be alright, Bella. We will not let Victoria, or anyone else, hurt you."

"I am not worried about being hurt by Victoria. I'll be one of you soon, and I will be safe. I am worried about who she will hurt trying to get at me." She pulled back to look me worriedly in the eyes. "Is she going to try and create a new army of newborns? How many more people will have to die before she is stopped?"

"We are keeping tabs on her. The wolves are protecting everyone in Forks and La Push, and Esme, Alice and Rosalie are tracking Victoria. We are monitoring the news for new serial killings. It is too soon to know for sure, but we don't think she is going to try that again. I have a feeling she will try more covert tactics next time. We will get her, Bella, if it is the last thing we do. We will make sure no one can suffer at her hands again."

"Good," she said tremulously. "I don't know how I am going to live with the guilt as it is."

"What guilt?" I said, alarmed, seizing her face with my hands and watching in horror as the tears welled up in her eyes and her face crumbled.

"All those people, dead because of me," she sobbed. "All their loved ones, in pain, because of me."

"No!" I said vehemently, seizing her shoulders and giving her the gentlest of shakes. "No…not because of you! This is Victoria's doing. None of this is your fault. Don't you _dare_ think this is your fault!"

I cradled her as she wept, cursing the day that James and his coven had come to Forks, yet unable to deny that this event, along with many others, had brought us to this moment and my acceptance of Bella becoming one of us. I was not happy with the idea, but no longer could deny that it was the only course of action that solved everything. And it was Bella's choice, in the end. Carlisle would have a long talk with her about what to expect, and then she would make her decision. We all already knew what her answer would be.

Bella's breathing had evened out into sleep. Standing with her in my arms, I gently laid her down on the bed, tucking her in. She whimpered wordlessly when I smoothed her hair away from her face, along with her worried frown. I waited for her to relax into deep sleep, watching her beloved face, and then silently left her to her dreams, seeking out the others. There were things we needed to discuss as a family.

**To be continued…**

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Another note:** My apologies for the delay in getting this out. I discovered Midnight Sun the day before yesterday, and another really good story, and all I have been doing since then is reading. Midnight Sun made me realize my kidnapping idea wasn't as original as I thought, but then neither was it as out of character as I thought, since Stephenie Meyer made Edward consider the idea first.

The other story is called _In the Blink of an Eye_, by **thatwritr.** It is amazing. It is not, at times, a _comfortable_ read, as it deals with difficult subject matter, but I find it immensely enjoyable and satisfying because of its realism, and also it's stronger and more independent Bella. In a nutshell, Bella was seriously injured in the cliff jump, and the story diverges from there. She reconnects with the Cullens ten years later, and as in real life, people have evolved and feelings have changed. Bella and Edward will end up together, but it is taking time to get there, as it should.


	15. Chapter 15

**Bella**:

I came awake slowly, feeling blissfully happy. The morning was already quite advanced, and the air blowing though the windows was warming up. It looked like it was another lovely day. Not even when I remembered that Victoria was still out there did my contentment wane. I felt truly at peace for the first time in days.

Carried on the wind, I could hear the distant sounds of water splashing, and what sounded like the occasional thunderous cracking of boulders coming together. It was obviously two or all three of the boys horsing around in the hot springs. Somewhere, probably on one of the patios, the murmur of a voice carrying on a one sided conversation on the phone. They were the comforting sounds of a large family, and I had never imagined they could bring me such peace. Only Alice, Esme and Rosalie were missing.

I turned over, hugging a pillow to my chest and looking toward the open terrace doors. I contemplated my future as I watched the sheers billow and subside in an unseen breeze. First there would be a lengthy talk with Carlisle on the subject of my crossing, and whatever else he felt he needed to discuss with me, probably today. Next, a visit with Phil and Renee in Florida, and then…I shuddered in both fear and anticipation; fear because of the pain I was facing and anticipation because it was the culmination of all my dreams. I would be with Edward forever. I could truly _be_ with him. He would no longer need to fear hurting me. And it wasn't just Edward…I would be with Alice forever too, and Esme, and Carlisle, all of them, all those vampires that I had grown to love as much as I loved my parents.

My mood dimmed slightly at the thought of Charlie and Renee. Would I be able to seem them again after I changed? And for how long? I knew that even if I did get to see them for a while, at some point I would not be able to see them anymore. How would that be handled? Would I have to stop emailing them and eventually disappear on them? I imagined how much they would worry when they lost contact completely. Hurting them like that would be very difficult. I sat up, too full of questions to be able to lie there peacefully anymore.

Maybe it was time Carlisle and I had that talk. Standing carefully, I tested my injured ankle. It felt a lot better. I was able to put most of my weight on it without feeling much pain. I limped over to the door, and slowly made my way down the stairs, reaching the bottom just as Carlisle was entering the library.

"Bella! You should not be putting any weight on that ankle," he remonstrated, "especially when it is so easy for one of us to carry you."

Before I could protest and tell him how much better it was feeling, he picked me up and carried me into the kitchen, where he settled me at the table. I was beginning to feel like a pampered lap dog, the way I was being carried around. That was yet another thing I wasn't going to miss when I became a vampire, this being treated like I was made of glass.

"I was hoping we could talk now," I said, accepting the glass of juice he handed me. "I have so many questions."

He sat down across from me. "Now is as good a time as any," he said, "but why don't you let me talk first, and then you can ask me any questions you might have."

I nodded, taking a sip of my juice.

"First, let me get you some breakfast," he continued, getting out the milk and a box of cereal. Bringing me a bowl and spoon, he waited for me to start eating before he spoke.

"We will go into the details of your conversion later," he started. "As unpleasant and life-altering as it is, it is out of your control and doesn't last long. It is what comes after that will be far more difficult for you. It is important that you understand that no amount of talking can prepare you for the changes you will have to adapt to when you are turned, Bella. There is only so much I can explain; you cannot begin to truly comprehend until you live it. Nevertheless, I will try and paint as complete a picture as I am able."

It was a long talk. Most of the things he told me Edward had already covered, only at the time he had been trying to talk me out of changing, and had painted the bleakest possible picture. Carlisle's version wasn't quite so hopeless, but it was still food for sobering thought. He delivered the information with such solemnity that I could not help but listen intently and take him seriously. He talked about the endless thirst for blood, the amplified emotions, especially the baser ones, the volatile moods and the difficulty in controlling them during that first year or more. I thought it sounded rather like he was describing early human childhood, minus the thirst for blood.

"You need to realize that you'll be starting over. You will be a child again, new to your body and this life." he said, as if he had read my mind. "Which brings me to a few things you must agree to, if I'm going to do this: I do not convert people lightly. I consider this a big responsibility. No matter what you think, a vampire is a dangerous creature, and I will not blithely unleash a new one on humanity. If I am to bring you into this life, you will be my responsibility. You'll have to put yourself in my hands and accept my guidance. You must agree to do what I tell you. Lives, human lives, could depend on it. You'll have to let me make certain decisions for you. You won't always understand or agree with them, and you will always be free to question them, but in the end I have the final word. You will abide by it.

"You will be subject to many of the restrictions imposed upon children. For the first year of your life, you will not be without at least two, if not three of the family with you when you are out, and you will certainly not be around humans. Under no circumstances will you ever go out alone. This is not just for the safety of humans, it is for ours too. Secrecy is paramount. If you endanger that secrecy, not even I will be able to save you." He stood suddenly, and came around to my side of the table. He pulled out a chair and sat, turning mine so I was facing him. "Do you understand the seriousness of what I'm saying?"

I nodded. I didn't sound too bad yet, but then again I knew he wasn't done. There was bound to be something in there that would get my dander up or upset me in some way.

I did not have to wait long.

"There will come a time when you and Edward might want to go out and live on your own for a time. This is fine of course, but it will not happen until I am satisfied that you are in control, or at the very least that Edward can handle you on his own. Until that time, you will live under my roof."

I bristled slightly. The restrictions were already piling up, and that crack about Edward handling me didn't sit well with me. Again, Carlisle seemed to read my mind. "When it comes to matters pertaining to being a vampire you will need to listen to _all_ of us. Don't let your stubbornness get in your way. If you fail to listen and someone dies, it will be with you for your entire, long existence. Think very hard about what the knowledge that you have taken a life would be like to live with.

"You will give me your decision when you get back from visiting your mother…" he held up his hand as I opened my mouth to speak. "I know you have already decided, Bella, but I want you to take the time to seriously consider everything we have spoken about. Edward will not be going with you." Again I tried to argue, and again he stopped me. "I want you to spend time with your mother without distractions. It could be the last time you see her."

That sobered me right up. I had already thought about it, but hearing it from Carlisle made it somehow more final. He reached for my hands.

"That could be the most difficult aspect of this for you to face. Even if you do see your parents again, there will come a time when it is no longer possible. You will need to make a clean break, and never contact them again. Unless we fake your death, they will never know what became of you. Either way, they will be hurt."

"This too you'll have to let me decide for you. When I say it is time to cut ties, you will do it," he finished. "These are my conditions. If you can agree to them, and _promise_ me to do your best not to deviate from them, I will change you."

We heard voices approaching, and the guys came in, signaling the end of our conversation. I had not had a chance to ask any questions, but perhaps it was a good idea for me to consider what he had told me first. If I had any questions, I could always ask them when I got back. At his request, I called Renee and arranged to visit her in a few days. Edward, on his phone, was already calling to buy us airline tickets. Then he caught Carlisle's thoughts on the subject.

"_I am going with her_!" he snarled suddenly, ending the call and turning on Carlisle.

"No, you are not, Edward," he said firmly. "This is Bella's time with her mother. If you insist on someone going with her, fine, one of us will go, and keep out of sight. But it will not be you."

It looked like Edward was going to unleash all Hell over this, so I pushed myself to my feet, knowing that standing up on my injured ankle would deflect his attention. Sure enough, he made a sound of reproof, and was at my side immediately, gently forcing me back down in the chair.

"Edward, please. It is ok," I spoke soothingly, not wanting anyone to upset any apple carts. I wanted to be changed, and I could make a few sacrifices to get there. "Let me have this week with my mother. I'll be yours for the rest of eternity, what is a week?"

"Bella…" he said pleadingly.

"Shhh," I whispered, reaching for his cheek. "Jasper and Emmett can come with me. They will keep me just as safe as you would." He couldn't exactly argue with that without insulting them. Eager to end the discussion and distract him again, I asked Edward to take me upstairs for a human moment. Taking me to the bathroom, he took the bandage off my foot and reluctantly left me to my own devices, staunchly ignoring my invitations for him to join me in the shower.

I finished quickly, and was already entering the bedroom wrapped in a tiny towel, when he came toward me, evidently having heard my approach. He stopped.

"Bella?" he rasped, looking nervous. "Where are your clothes?"

"My clothes?" I repeated, all wide-eyed innocence. "They are around here somewhere." I looked around absently, letting my towel slip a little, amazed at how easily I had gone from zero to flirty since Edward had made love to me. Looking back at him, pinning him with a hungry stare, I backed him into the wall, pressing my warm body, flushed pink from the hot water, against his cold abdomen. He jerked at the contact.

"Bella…I don't think this is a good idea," he said weakly, holding me at arms length. "My control…the others will hear…" he grasped for excuses.

"We'll be very quiet, nobody will hear," I whispered seductively, tangling my fingers in his hair at the back of his head and pulling him down for a kiss. He fought me half-heartedly, but obviously not nearly enough to prevent me from being able to press my lips against his, which he could have done easily. His token resistance didn't stop me. It was nice to see _he _was putty in _my_ hands for a change. I raked the fingers of one hand down his chest and concave belly, to slip them into the waistband of his jeans. His abs twitched in response, and he moaned. Next thing I knew _I_ was the one with my back against the wall, my hands immobilized by his.

"Not now, Bella," he ground out.

"When, then?" I coaxed, arching toward him as best I could with my wrists pinioned against the wall.

"Bella…" he warned, squeezing his eyes shut and taking a step back.

"_When_?" I insisted.

"After you are changed!"

"No. _Before_ I'm changed. Once more, before I'm changed." I pouted, lifting my knee and running the side of my calf up the inside of his leg. He cried out, trapping my leg between his.

Please!" he begged. "Don't!"

"Once more, before I'm changed. Agreed?" I insisted, twisting in his grasp. "Agreed?" I repeated, when he didn't respond fast enough.

He capitulated. "Agreed," he groaned, releasing me and appearing suddenly across the room from me, his back pressed against the wall, fists balled at his sides. He observed me angrily for a moment, and then the look in his eyes became darkly seductive. "I will make you pay for that, Bella," he threatened in tones of silken menace.

I clutched the towel against me, shivering in anticipation.

* * *

The next day brought news that Esme, Rosalie and Alice were on their way to join us. They had tracked Victoria all over Washington, but could not figure out what she was planning or where she was going. Finally, they gave up, and decided to start heading toward us. They would be with us by nightfall. We were all impatient for them to arrive, mostly so we could find out what went wrong with Alice's vision. I could tell by the pained looks Edward was throwing Emmett's way that Emmett was more concerned with the x-rated things he was going to do to Rosalie, once he had his hands on her again. As soon as Edward was able to pick up on their thoughts, he informed us of their impending arrival.

Then, all hell broke loose.

Edward froze suddenly, his face going blank with shock. His features darkened in absolute fury.

"Edward?" Jasper spoke sharply, obviously sensing the depth of his rage. "Carlisle, hold on to him! He's going to lose it!"

I had never seen him so angry, and I was downright terrified. I unconsciously took a step back, half turning toward Emmett, blindly searching for his arm with my hand. I latched on to it, and Emmett immediately pulled me protectively against him. Carlisle and Jasper each grabbed a hold of Edward's arms, restraining him with a hand on his shoulders. Edward strained in their grip, quaking with the effort, but was unable to free himself.

"She lied!" he roared. "I am going to tear her to pieces! Carlisle, she _lied_ to me! Let me GO!"

By now Jasper was snarling in reaction, leading me to conclude that it was Alice whom Edward was threatening with dismemberment. I was confused. What had Alice lied about?

"_Enough_!"

Carlisle's tone brought everything to a standstill. Even Edward stilled, obviously having realized that roaring and thrashing around in the grip of two vampires older and stronger than he was wasn't going to get him anywhere.

"Everyone sit down. _Now_!" Carlisle said severely. "We will wait for them to arrive, and discuss this like civilized people. Is that clear? Edward?" Edward nodded reluctantly, and was let go, though both Jasper and Carlisle stayed close. I immediately went to him, and he wrapped his arm around me, drawing me onto his lap. He was shaking with suppressed anger.

"What is going on, Edward?" I murmured, worried.

"Alice lied about the vision. You were never dead, she just made it look that way," he hissed.

I looked at Jasper. He looked stunned. Clearly he was not in on whatever Alice was up to.

"But…why?" I said, bewildered, not understanding why she would do something like that.

"I don't know. She's blocking me. But I will find out. If I have to beat it out of her, I _will_ find out."

Jasper snarled again, and Carlisle put a restraining hand on his shoulder. "Be quiet. They are here."

You could have heard a pin drop. A car pulled up outside, and soon the door opened, admitting Esme and Rosalie. Rosalie looked slightly disdainful, that is until she set eyes on Emmett. Esme looked deeply worried, and very tired.

"Where is Alice?" Edward ground out.

"Got out of the car a while back," Esme replied. "She wants you to go and find her. Alone," she added, as Jasper made a move to go after her.

Edward was through the door and gone before I could blink, leaving me feeling lost and confused. I didn't have to feel that way long before Esme had her arms wrapped around me, enfolding me in a sweet hug. "Bella, dear, I am so sorry about what Edward put you through. I have been feeling wretched since I found out. I don't know what that boy was thinking…" I suppressed a giggle at Edward, who was technically older than Esme was, being called a 'boy' by her.

Letting me go, she turned to greet Carlisle lovingly, then Jasper, who was looking decidedly distracted. "Don't worry, Jasper," she said, patting his cheek. "Alice knows what she is doing. Now Bella," she continued. "Have you been eating properly? You haven't had dinner yet, have you? Let me make you something. Emmett…Oh, where did those two get to?"

Emmett and Rosalie had, naturally, disappeared.

**To be continued…**


	16. Chapter 16

Virtual chocolate-coated Edwards to **stavanger1** for basically figuring what Alice was up to quite a few chapters ago.

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**Edward**:

I tore out of the house and down the road, completely out of control, hoping to pick up Alice's scent where she'd gotten out of the car. I was so blinded by rage that I missed it at first, only picking it up when I doubled back. Once I had caught it however, I was on her. She could run, but she couldn't hide. Though I was faster than she was, she had the advantage of a head start, and I was a mediocre tracker at best. If I could only get within range, I could gain some ground by reading her mind. Unfortunately, right now I couldn't hear her, so I had to rely on her scent to track her. With an angry snarl, I took off in pursuit of her.

My thoughts were in turmoil over her betrayal. How could she have lied like that? How could she? I wasn't just angry, I realized as I ran, I was hurt as well. The pain she had caused me, leading me to believe that I might lose Bella, that she might die…I snarled in rage, and redoubled my efforts to catch up with her.

She led me all over the mountains, usually by the most difficult path. Occasionally, I would catch snatches of her thoughts, as she darted in and out of my range, but it didn't help me much, as she was reciting something in her head to keep me confused. I began to think I would find her only when she wanted me to; maybe I should stop and see if she would come to me. I slowed down slightly, and just at that moment, I caught a flicker of movement to the left of me.

_Alice_.

More determined than ever, I veered off after her, and we bounded uphill, over boulders and trees, my sister leaping gracefully over obstacles and me barreling through them like a bull in a china shop. She continued to maintain her lead, letting me get close occasionally, but never letting me get within range.

"Alice!" I bellowed angrily. "I am not going to stop until I catch you, so you might as well save us both a lot of time. Now stop running from me!"

Not surprisingly, she ignored me completely. She continued to evade me for a while longer, and at some point, I noticed I was slowly starting to gain on her. She was becoming careless with her thoughts, and I began to anticipate a few of her moves, watching for an opening.

As soon as I saw it, I moved in.

With a final burst of speed, I threw myself at her, tackling her. We crashed to the ground, churning up dirt, leaves and rock, and sliced a gash down a steep incline before glancing off a boulder and pinwheeling into a ravine. We landed with a resounding crack, nose to nose, me on top of Alice. Before she could move, I was straddling her, and had her arms pinned to the ground on either side of her head.

"Would you mind telling me what the hell that was all about, Alice?" I raged, looking down at her. "Were you just planning on running forever? Why the wild goose chase?"

She observed me quite calmly, not even attempting to get away. "Let's just say I saw that it might be a good idea for you to run off some of that anger before you caught up with me."

"Well, your vision was flawed," I hissed, leaning closer to her. "It didn't work."

"Yes, it did," she said without flinching. "Now let me up and we'll talk."

I released her wrists, and leaped off her, reaching down to give her a hand up. "You had better have a really good explanation for what you did. And by really good, I mean exceptional, because I'm not sure I can ever forgive you for this." My voice was embarrassingly thick with emotion.

"You'll forgive me," she said with a touch of sadness, "but it could take a while. Edward, I thought it was the right thing to do…I had to make a choice. I didn't want to risk the alternative." Her voice cracked.

"What alternative, Alice?" I almost shouted, "You're making no sense. Get to the point!"

"I had a vision. Well, several, actually."

"Of course you did," I said sarcastically.

"Edward, this might go a lot quicker if you could shut up for five minutes."

"Alice…"

"In the vision I based my false vision on, Bella _did_ have an accident, only there was more to it than just her fall," she started. "She fell, you found her, and thought she was dead. I left out the part in which you found her, and added in the part…" she swallowed, unable to continue. She was just as sickened as I was by that "vision" of Bella with her head bashed in.

"But _why_?" I whispered, deeply hurt. "Why did you do it?"

"Oh Edward, I'm so sorry. If there had been any other way…" she cried softly, reaching for me hesitantly and then pulling back. "There was a good reason. You see, there was another vision." She stopped speaking, simply looking me in the eyes and showing me.

I recoiled in horror. It was without a doubt a vision of a future without Bella, _my _future without Bella. There was no detail as to what had happened or why…but there could be no mistaking my level of grief. I knew I had lost her permanently in that vision, and evidently Alice had known too.

She started speaking again. "That was a vision I _could not_ ignore. It shook me, and it started the train of thoughts that led to my deceiving you. The vision about Bella's accident, and how believing she had died changed your outlook, gave me an idea, and I just ran with it, indulging in thoughts of somehow making you think Bella had died, to make you see her joining us in a different light. I was just wondering if knowing what it felt like to have lost Bella for real this time would be enough to shake you out of your certainty that we were wrong in wanting her to join us. They were idle imaginings, Edward, not serious thoughts," she rushed on before I could speak. "I wasn't actually planning on doing anything like that. It would be too cruel."

I raised an eyebrow at this, but she ignored me.

"The thing is, when I had that idea, the bleak vision of your future changed. It became a far brighter future, and in it, Bella was a vampire. Don't you see? I had to do it." She looked at me, her eyes begging me to understand.

"Couldn't you have told me instead?" I said, my voice shaking. "Did you have to make me go through all that?"

"Unfortunately, yes. Believe me, I tried to think of another way, but nothing worked. I believe you had to experience losing Bella on a visceral level, and that this could only happen if you truly believed that she was dead. I believe you had to _see _her dead for it to truly sink in. Maybe this was the only way for you to surrender to the idea of her joining us. Maybe not having this epiphany you had would have somehow led to that terrible future. It's the only theory I have, but we will never know, and I am glad we will never have to find out. I am just grateful things turned out the way they did."

She looked down. "That is why I was avoiding you, of course, and also why I wouldn't speak to you on the phone even after you were too far out of range to read my thoughts. I couldn't bear to face you _or_ Bella. I hated myself for even _thinking_ of her that way, let alone inflicting such an image on you. Please believe, me, Edward," she pleaded, meeting my eyes again. "I will forever regret what I made you endure, but I could not see that I had any other choice."

I looked at her for a moment, digesting everything she had told me, unwilling to let go of my anger. She had made a pretty compelling argument, however, and I found myself yielding. 'Never bet against Alice' were words we lived by; maybe her actions really _had_ saved us from disaster.

I sighed. "Come here," I said, reaching for her and pulling her into an embrace. She stepped gladly into my arms, wrapping hers around my waist. "I think I might forgive you sooner than you think," I murmured, kissing the top of her head.

"Thank you," she whispered into my chest. After a moment, I pulled back, hands on her shoulders, looking down at her.

"What a pair we are," I said with a wry smile, "me kidnapping Bella and carrying her off in the dead of night, and you lying to me and manipulating me."

"We both did what we thought was right - though I can't imagine what made kidnapping look like a good idea to you," she added tartly. "How long did you imagine you would be able to hide?"

"Alice, please…don't remind me," I said, pained. "I already got an earful from Carlisle. I'm still reeling."

"That bad?"

"You know Carlisle." I shrugged.

"Don't I ever." She looked up at the starry sky. "We need to get going. I'm dying to see Bella again, I have missed her so. I hope you took good care of her for me."

I winced, thinking of the things Bella had endured at my hands, but Alice was already nimbly scaling the rock face and didn't notice. I followed her out of the ravine, and we ran home through the darkness in companionable silence.

* * *

Bella had stubbornly refused to go to bed, and was dozing by the fire when we got back, an open book lying in her lap. She sat up at the sound of the door closing, and looked toward us, blinking sleepily.

"Alice!" she cried happily, holding out her arms. Alice danced over to her, lifting her into an enthusiastic embrace, and spinning her around.

"Bella! I have missed you so much!" she sang.

"I've been trying to reach you! Where have you been?" Bella reproached her.

Alice lowered her carefully into the armchair again. "It's a long story," she said hesitantly. "I'll tell you about it sometime."

"Well, there is no time like the present." Bella indicated the other chair.

"Not tonight, Alice, Bella." We all turned toward the voice. Carlisle had just appeared in the doorway to the den.

"It is late, you need to go to bed, Bella," he continued. "And as for you, Alice, I would be very interested in hearing why you lied to us all." He stood aside, indicating that Alice was to precede him into the den.

"I'd like to know too," Bella chimed in.

"I'll give you an overview, Bella," I said before Carlisle could refuse her. "Once you are in bed." With that, I scooped her up in my arms and carried her upstairs.

* * *

In the end, I gave her more than just an overview. She deserved to know everything. It was difficult; wanting to protect her from everything bad or unpleasant was so ingrained in me, I realized it would be a hard habit to break. So, curled up in bed in the dark with her, I told her everything Alice told me.

"Poor Alice," Bella murmured compassionately, snuggling up to me, her head on my chest. "To have to bear the burden of that terrible knowledge alone…"

"What do you mean, poor Alice? What about poor me? I thought you were _dead_." My voice broke. "I thought I had lost you forever."

Bella raised her head and lifted herself up on her elbow. "I'm sorry, Edward," she said softly, pressing her lips to mine. "I am sorry about what you had to endure. But I'm also not sorry. I mean, look at where it led us. I have never been happier in my entire life. You finally accept that changing me is the only solution for us all, and soon we will be able to _really_ be together, without you having to worry about hurting me. I'm looking forward to meeting the _real_ you." Her face flamed suddenly, and she dropped her head back to my chest, tucking it under my chin. Her blush scorched me even though my shirt and her floral scent hit me in a warm wave. I felt the sharp, familiar stab of lust; both kinds of lust.

For the first time ever, I was actually glad that I couldn't see into Bella's mind. I suspect that what I might have seen and felt would have sent me over the edge. Which reminded me, I needed to talk to Carlisle about that new little quirk in my mind reading abilities.

"When are you flying out to see Renee?" I asked, trying not to think about sinking my teeth into Bella's supple throat.

"The day after tomorrow," she replied. "You're driving me to Albuquerque. I'll be gone a week."

"That doesn't seem like much time," I said, ignoring the thought of the pain of being separated from her for even one day.

"It's enough. Phil won't be around most of the time, so it will be mostly me and Renee. I don't want to be away from you for much longer than that." She stopped, but somehow I knew there was more.

I sat us both up, and cupped her face with both hands, making her look at me. "What's wrong, Bella? You are afraid of something."

She hesitated, chewing on her lower lip.

"Please tell me," I insisted, rubbing my thumb across her lips.

"I don't know…I'm not sure. I just want to get my conversion over with. What with Victoria still on the loose, I'm so afraid that my happiness will be snatched away from me before I can truly enjoy it. I'm afraid something bad will happen. If I stay away longer than one week, I'll just get edgy, and Renee will notice. No, it's better if I go for only a week."

"I understand how you feel, Bella," I said, taking her hands. "I don't want to be separated from you for even a day. But I promise you, we will not let anything happen to you. We'll keep you safe, all of us. Just enjoy your time with your mother, and I'll be there to pick you up when you return, ok? Please don't worry."

"Easier said than done," she murmured, allowing me to draw her back down, "but I'll try."

She cuddled up close to me, and I started softly singing, gently lulling her to sleep.

**To be continued…**


	17. Chapter 17

**Warning:** Here be a smidgen of smut. I wouldn't call it explicit. "Tastefully vague" is what I was aiming for, but "vague" might be the wrong word, since it is quite obvious what is going down (bad pun totally intended. You'll see what I mean).

**

* * *

**

**Bella**:

The day before my departure was the happiest of my life so far. Everything had come together for me. Carlisle had come to "rescue" me, the family was reunited, and most important of all, Edward had finally come around to the idea of my becoming a vampire.

Though I would never admit to it out loud, I was also looking forward to giving up responsibility for a while. For most of my life, I had been the adult, the caretaker. Renee was my best friend which was lovely in a way, but I could have found a best friend anywhere; I only had one mother, and she was it. But Renee wasn't much of a nurturer, and I often found myself taking the grown-up role with her. When I moved to Forks, which again was something done with my mother's well-being in mind instead of mine, I took care of Charlie. Simply put, I was looking forward to being taken care of for a change.

But there was so much more than that. I would be experiencing what it was like to belong to a large family. I would have older brothers and sisters. I would experience having parents who were still together, and who were incredibly nurturing. I felt so safe and protected, that not even the knowledge that Victoria was still out there could touch me right now.

Which brought me to the one blot on my horizon, ironically the thing that would make all my dreams a reality; the actual moment that would kick-start my change. Where would Carlisle bite me? How badly would that part hurt? Sure, I had been bitten before, by James, but I had already been in a world of pain at the time, and there was a lot going on around me. I couldn't remember that much about it. And why did I even care about the pain of being bitten when the pain that would come after would be so much greater? The thought of what I would have to endure while undergoing the conversion suddenly chilled me to the bone, and I shivered slightly, causing Edward's head to swivel in my direction as his eyes fastened on mine. I'd been leaning against him, and he felt the tremor course through me. I shook my head, not wanting to go there right now, and he watched me like a hawk for a moment longer before turning back to Alice.

We were all gathered in the front room, Alice having just told her story one last time for the benefit of the whole family. Carlisle, perched on the arm of the sofa next to Esme, had already gotten the story from her the night before, but the rest of them were hearing the tale for the first time, and all four were wearing identical expressions of shock. Jasper's face wore a hurt expression as well.

"Oh, Jasper, I'm sorry," she murmured sadly, reaching for his face with both hands. "I should have confided in you, I just was afraid of rocking the boat. I thought it was best if I handled it on my own. I was terrified of making a mistake and ruining things. Please don't be upset. I didn't mean to hurt you."

I have no idea what he felt from her, but whatever it was, it undid him. I saw it on Jasper's expressive face. His romantic features softened, and he reached for her, pulling her onto his lap, his eyes speaking volumes. "I just wish I could have borne some of the burden for you. I could have helped you," he whispered.

"Oh but you did," she murmured, kissing him softly. "Never doubt that. You may not have known you were, but you were."

"Alice," I interrupted, suddenly remembering something. "Why did you tell Charlie that Edward and I went on a trip? Did you know he was going to kidnap me?"

"Actually, Edward kept that very well hidden," she replied. "I saw it the night he took you, probably very close to the time you both actually left. I wanted to spare your father the worry of finding you missing," - she shot Edward a dirty look at this – "so I went to your house as soon as the meeting with the wolves ended, and waited until he was up."

"Thank you, Alice," I said quietly. "I appreciate it."

"So do I," Edward added, looking uncomfortable. "I would have been sorry to hurt Charlie."

"Perhaps you should have thought of that before you went off half cocked and kidnapped his only daughter in the middle of the night," Rosalie sniped from the table where she was supervising Emmett, who had her feet in his lap and was carefully painting her toenails a pale, nacreous pink. He looked so funny, frowning in concentration, large hand trying to manipulate the tiny brush with a finesse he wasn't used to. I suppressed a giggle, figuring now wasn't the time for levity. Edward had tensed at Rosalie's harsh words, but said nothing, probably figuring he deserved it.

"Speaking of being sorry…" Carlisle said pointedly. "Edward, how are you coming along with that apology we spoke about?"

I winced, feeling bad for Edward, and squeezed his hand gently. He squeezed back, giving me a reassuring look.

He took a deep breath and straightened his back. "Well, I can say with all honesty that I deeply regret the trouble I have caused. I'm sorry I inconvenienced you all with my actions and disrupted your lives. But most of all, I regret the worry and pain I caused you." He was looking at Carlisle and Esme, particularly Esme, at that point.

"Esme," he continued, moving over to where she was seated on the sofa. He sat down next to her, facing her, and took her hand in his. "I am so very sorry. I…I have no excuse. I ashamed to say I didn't for a minute think about how my actions would affect you. Please forgive me for hurting you the way I did."

"Oh, Edward, sweetheart…of course I forgive you!" she cried softly, drawing him into a loving embrace. He wrapped his arms around her, burying his face in her shoulder, and she stroked his hair, murmuring to him, speaking too low for me to hear. I watched the tenderness in her face as she soothed him and saw the way Edward sank into her, relaxing, like a small boy letting go of all his cares in the comforting embrace of his mother. My heart melted. Jasper, picking up on their emotions, looked similarly moved.

Before long, Edward pulled away, and she took his face in her hands, looking him deeply in the eyes. Then she kissed him on the forehead, smiling softly.

"Thank you," he murmured, squeezing her hand before standing and returning to sit next to me.

"Bella," he said, taking my hands in his. "I'm sorry about the way I treated you. I had good intentions, but my execution seems to have left something to be desired. If I hurt you or frightened you in anyway, please believe that I never intended it. I want you to be safe and happy. Will you forgive me?"

I ducked my head, embarrassed. I did not like being the center of attention in this manner. "Of course I forgive you, Edward," I whispered. "I know you love me, and that you meant well."

"What about the fact that you kidnapped her?" Carlisle interjected quietly.

Edward hesitated. "_That_ part I am still having problems with. I'm not ready to apologize for that and really mean it."

Carlisle nodded, appearing satisfied with that answer. "That is fair enough," he said. "If you need someone to talk it over with, you know you can come to me. Bouncing ideas off someone sometimes helps."

"Actually, Carlisle, there is something I would like to talk to you about, and the rest of you too. One of you may have some insight into this," he started. "A few days ago, something changed between Bella and me. I saw into her mind for the first time, and it was different from the way I usually see into other people's minds. While I was seeing inside her mind, I also felt what she was feeling." Jasper's interest sharpened. "It has happened twice since. I'm assuming something has changed in my mind-reading abilities, but I can't really be sure. It could be that it isn't me at all, and that something has changed with Bella."

Carlisle looked surprised. "Well, that is certainly an interesting development. I wonder…" he mused. "Bella, during the times Edward saw into your mind, do you remember what you were thinking about?"

I considered his question carefully. "Edward," I finally told him. "All three times I was focusing very strongly on Edward."

He thought for a moment. "It sounds like it could have something to do with Bella, rather than you," he said, looking at Edward.

Esme leaned forward. "Bella, would you be willing to try opening your mind to Edward right now? Try to focus on him the way you did the other times."

I nodded, turning to Edward with a frown of concentration. He observed me watching him, a twitch at the corner of his mouth.

"You're laughing at me," I said sternly.

He broke into a lopsided grin. "No, but it was close. You looked utterly adorable, frowning fiercely at me like that."

I was about to make an angry retort, when Esme intervened.

"Edward," she chided him gently. "Don't tease her. Bella, take your time."

I felt a bit silly, focusing on Edward while the rest of the family stared at us, but I tried. I tried to project my thoughts to him, with my eyes closed, with my eyes open. I tried to project feelings to him. Nothing seemed to penetrate. I blew my breath out in frustration, a little annoyed that everyone was staring at me so expectantly. Jasper gave me a look of sympathy, and sent me a little wave of calm. I shot him a grateful look.

"I'm sorry," I said regretfully. "I just can't explain it."

"Well, I have to say I'm at a loss," Carlisle said. "But I'll give it some thought. Bella, it could be something that takes practice. Try from time to time, and see if you can get through."

I nodded. There was one more way we could experiment, and I was game to try it anytime, the sooner the better. Last time we had made love, Edward had seen into me…maybe making love would cause it to happen again. It couldn't hurt to try, I thought, as I gazed speculatively at him from beneath my eyelashes. I was debating whether I should suggest it later or just try to seduce him outright, when simultaneously, Jasper gasped and Edward drew in a shuddering breath, turning swiftly to look at me.

"What?" I asked, looking from Edward to Jasper. They just stared at me. "It happened again, didn't it?" I said, noticing the way Edward was looking at me. He nodded, swallowing, and apparently not daring to speak. I felt the heat of a deep blush bloom on my face when I realized that Jasper too must have sensed my lust. Jasper tensed, and took a few steps away from me, while Edward's eyes darkened dangerously, whether in response to Jasper's difficulties with my blush-heightened scent, or his own.

Before things could get too tense, Carlisle spoke again. "Bella, did you notice anything different just then, when Edward sensed you?"

"Yes…" I said hesitantly. "I'm not sure how to describe it, though." I chewed on my lower lip while trying to come up with a comparison that would illustrate what I had felt. Before I could say anything though, Jasper spoke up.

"I sensed that your emotions were a little sharper. I was going to say they seemed stronger, but that's not quite right. They were more in focus."

"Yes! That's it," I said excitedly. "Imagine my feelings as a movie that is always slightly out of focus. What I felt was the equivalent of your tweaking the focus, and the picture suddenly becoming sharp and clear for a moment. That's what happened this time; and probably the other times, though I wasn't paying attention yet." _And if you let me get Edward upstairs, he and I can test that theory._ "I'm not sure I can do it at will though," I said, my enthusiasm fading quickly.

"Don't work too hard at it," Carlisle advised. "It probably won't work if you push it. Let it go, and let's just see what happens. If I have any ideas, or come up with something, I will let you know."

When Carlisle and Esme left the room, trailed by Jasper arm in arm with Alice, I noticed that Edward and I were alone. Somewhere along the line, Rosalie and Emmett had disappeared again. I turned to Edward.

I stood. "I need to start packing, come upstairs and keep me company?"

"As you wish," he said, and I let out a short scream as he scooped me up suddenly and tossed me over his shoulder. Once upstairs, he strode to the bed, leaned forward, and dropped me unceremoniously on my back, bracing his arms on either side of me. I tried to get up, but he didn't move, keeping me trapped within the cage of his arms.

"Now," he said, looking down at me. "Suppose you tell me why you shivered down there when Alice was finishing up her story?"

"Suppose I don't?" I countered, lifting up my chin slightly.

"Bella, please. I have a feeling it might be important."

"Well, it's not," I said, trying to duck around his arms. Sighing, he stood, letting me up, but not letting me go.

"Bella," he repeated, his voice low and tender. "Please. Let me in." He laid his palm against my cheek.

Heaven help me on the day I _really_ needed to keep a secret from him. I'm not sure I would be able to. "It'll upset you," I said weakly.

"Probably," he agreed. "I still need to know."

I sighed. "Ok…I was thinking about what I'm going to have to go through before I become a vampire."

"Are you afraid?"

"Of course I'm afraid, Edward," I said, regretting my honesty the minute the words left my mouth.

"Bella…" He turned away from me, his voice and his face pained.

"Shut up," I said roughly, guessing where he was headed and completely losing my patience. "Just shut up."

He looked at me, too startled to be offended or amused by my outburst.

"Don't you dare get all angsty and guilt-ridden on me," I ranted. "You will _not_ talk me out of this. I am _not_ having any doubts about joining you. I've known this was the only way practically since the beginning. Yes, I'm scared. Of course I'm scared. I'm not particularly fond of pain. But my love for you is far greater than my fear of going through the pain of changing. It's just something I'll have to endure to get to where I want to be. My fear is _not_ an indication that I'm having second thoughts. And _you_," - I poked him in the chest for emphasis - "need to accept that the past can't be changed, and move forward. We met, we fell madly in love, and if we want to be together, this is the only way. You need to let go, Edward. You are wasting your energy worrying about this and wishing for a different life for me. It is life with _you_ that I want, and I'll do what needs to be done to get it. There is nothing either of us can do to change what's going to happen. Not if we want a happy ending to this love story."

"Are you finished?" he asked, clearly trying not to laugh.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Yes," I snapped.

"Good," he growled, yanking me against him and kissing me soundly, "because you are irresistible when you get your dander up."

"Well, kindly resist for a moment longer, and take me seriously for once," I said, annoyed, trying to wriggle out of his grasp. "I'm not kidding, Edward. You really do need to come to grips with this. If you don't, you'll always be miserable about it, and I don't want a miserable boyfriend."

He pulled back from me, hands on my shoulders, all laughter gone. "I know, Bella," he said seriously. "I tease, but I do hear you, and I'm working on it. It's just…I don't want you to suffer. It's going to kill me to see you suffer. I am so scared. I want to be strong for you, but I'm terrified."

I had no words of comfort for him, just as he had none for me. There was no comfort to be had. There was nothing positive to be said about what I was going to go through. All I could do was cling to him tightly, and ruthlessly shove my own fear into the back of my mind, to be faced later.

"Edward," I breathed, desperate to lose myself in him. "Kiss me."

He didn't need to be told twice. While he was busy with my mouth and distracted by my muffled moans, my fingers were busily and discretely unbuttoning his jeans. I didn't get far; Edward broke the kiss, and caught my wrists in his hands.

"What do you think you are doing?" he asked, looking down at his partially unbuttoned jeans.

"Well, it looks like I am trying to get into your pants, but maybe that was a trick question?" I quipped.

"Bella..." he started with that long-suffering tone usually reserved for times when I was trying to get him to do something he didn't want to do, or was doing something he didn't want me to do.

"You promised," I wheedled, twisting my wrists in his grasp, trying to free my hands. "Once more, before I'm turned. Now let me go, or I will have to finish unbuttoning you with my teeth." I was surprised and pleased at my boldness.

"Bella..." he repeated, this time with a plaintive note.

"Edward..." I mimicked him. "Come on, there's no time like the present. It isn't going to get any easier with time; in fact it will probably be harder after you haven't seen me for a week, so we might as well get it over with." I backed toward the bed, trying to draw him along with me. He resisted me, so I just started without him, undressing slowly, pulling my tee over my head and shimmying out of my shorts, watching his face all the while as his eyes roamed hungrily all over my body. His gaze seemed like a physical touch, almost making my skin tingle wherever he looked. I climbed onto the bed, kneeling, with my hands on my thighs, and waited.

He sighed and climbed onto the bed facing me.

"I can't, Bella," he said with regret. "It's too risky right now. Please trust me when I tell you I know the limits of my control, and now is not the time to push them."

He put his hand over my mouth before I could draw breath to argue. "There are other things we can do though," he said huskily, pushing me gently down on to the bed, and kneeling between my legs. "Or more precisely, things I can do _to_ you..."

I melted at the burning intensity in his eyes, drawing in a shuddering breath. Putting a hand to the back of my neck, he yanked me up to him, kissed me roughly, and then dropped me unceremoniously back onto the pillows. Suddenly gentle again, he bent down, nudged my nose with his, and softly started kissing me. He nipped at my chin and then nuzzled my throat, his lips wandering ever lower, skimming over my breasts, down my ribcage, and into the slight dip of my stomach, using a combination of lips, tongue, and breath to arouse me as he slowly made his meandering way to the apex of my thighs. I knotted my fingers in his hair as he moved further and further away from my face, looking down my body at him and wondering – quite naively – where he was going with this.

"Edward, what…? Oh…Oooh…"

**To be continued…**


	18. Chapter 18

**Edward**:

She lay sprawled on her back on the rumpled sheets, arms flung up beside her head, her knees pulled up and to the side. Under a heaving chest, her racing heartbeat was gradually slowing down. A faint sheen of sweat made her deliciously flushed skin glow in the golden afternoon light. I clenched my teeth as the breeze shifted, sending another wall of scented heat at me from her body. With my enhanced vision, I noted the faint tremor in her hips and thighs, the only outward evidence her internal shudders, at least to vampiric vision. She would bear new marks, I thought, swallowing my guilt as I carefully assessed her skin from where I was sitting, a safe distance away from her, at the foot of the bed. She was a battered beauty, her body a map of bruises and scrapes in various stages of healing, and she wore them so casually, as if they were something to be accepted simply because they came with the territory of loving a vampire.

"You bastard," she gasped finally. "That wasn't fair."

She had started throwing out the occasional swear word the moment I began unleashing a whole new world of sensations on her. It was strangely arousing to hear my sweet innocent using words like those she had just been uttering in the throes of passion. I had never heard her use language like that.

"Language, Isabella," I murmured in mock reproof as I eyed her hungrily. "I think we have had quite enough of your mouth for one day. And as for being fair, I never claimed I would be. You can't say you weren't warned. I told you I would make you pay for teasing me."

And make her pay I did. I showed her I could fight dirty too. I teased her ruthlessly, holding her hips in place with absolutely no effort, enjoying her at my own leisure even though it was not easy for me. I thought control would be less of a problem if I didn't actually make love to her, but it was only marginally easier. I had put myself in the path of other dangerous distractions: the whisper of her blood as it pulsed through her femoral arteries deep inside her legs, and the freesia scented furnace-blast of heat that enveloped my head, framed as it was by the cradle of her thighs. The scent of her seared my sinuses and clawed at my throat, sending my thirst for her soaring to new heights. I intensified my assault on her, relishing her unladylike language and heated protests, while remaining deaf to them. Her futile struggles only fired up my predatory instincts, and I had gripped her tighter.

I forced my bunched muscles to relax, and squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head to dispel the memory of Bella writhing beneath my mouth and hands. I looked at her quickly, to see if she had noticed my difficulties, but she was still lost in her own little world, eyes closed, smiling a secretive Mona Lisa smile, fingers twisting in the damp, tangled locks of her fragrant hair spilled across the pillows.

I could not understand why my control was growing more tenuous by the day. It had gotten easier for a while, once I had taken her away from Forks and the growing dangers there. Now, inexplicably, it was getting harder again.

Maybe my steadfast refusal to see her changed had been an asset in my battle for control, and now that that barrier was no longer there, I had less of a reason to resist her. I was not a patient man under the best of circumstances, and knowing she would soon become unbreakable in every sense of the word eroded my patience even further. Showing restraint had never been easy for me, and I had never needed to exercise more of it until I met Bella. More frightening, though, was the thought that maybe my control was so tenuous because I knew I was running out of time in which I could take her blood. As long as Bella was human, I could pretend that someday, I could taste her again, even if I knew I never would. Soon though, she would become a vampire, and I would never have the opportunity again. Her blood, and the ecstasy it could bring me, would be lost to me forever.

"Edward?"

My eyes focused on her. She was sitting up, holding the sheet to her chest with one arm, an inquiring look on her pink face.

"Is something wrong?"

Distracted by the way her mahogany hair fell in a riotous mess of snarls around her pale shoulders, I didn't register her question immediately. Tearing my eyes from the almost blood red tint the setting sun imparted to her soft locks, I briefly considered my usual _modus operandi_, avoidance through evasiveness. I did not want to tell her that it was getting harder and harder to resist the temptation to crush her to my chest and tear into her throat. But neither did I want to keep secrets from her anymore. With a sigh of resignation, I opted for honesty. It was a difficult thing to do for many reasons, not the least of which was because I was ashamed of my ever increasing lack of willpower when it came to her. Also, my instinct was still to shield her from unpleasantness, especially any unpleasantness related to being a vampire. It was a habit I had to break. I needed to learn to share my burdens with her, and now was as good a time as any to start.

"I was wondering why I'm suddenly having trouble with my control again."

She tucked the sheet more securely around herself and moved closer to me. "You're editing," she said, using my own words against me.

Distracted by her proximity, I sounded angrier than I had intended. "Of course I am!" I snapped. "You don't need to hear the gory details."

"You really, _really_ want to rip my throat out and suck me dry," she said brutally. "Is that the gory detail I don't want to hear? Newsflash, Edward: I know. You're a vampire, it's what you do. There's no need to be coy about it."

"Don't say things like that," I snarled, lunging to my feet and striding to the other end of the room. My tenuous control was frightening me, and it was making me increasingly short-tempered. I need to keep some physical distance between us. Unfortunately, Bella wasn't cooperating. _And this is a surprise?_

"Since when have you been having trouble?" she asked, crawling off the bed and walking toward me.

With her messy mane of bed hair and that white sheet knotted over her breasts and trailing behind her like a train, she looked like an _avant-garde_ bride, flashing a sliver of creamy leg with every step she took toward her future husband. All that was missing was the bouquet. Something unconventional; Alice would know exactly what to pick...

I was snapped out of my daydream courtesy of Bella, who had stopped in front of me and was waving her hand in front of my face. Blinking, I looked down at her inquisitive face, glad I couldn't blush, and even gladder she couldn't read my mind.

"I've been having trouble since the day of your accident," I said quickly, successfully distracting her from asking me what I had been thinking about.

She thought for a moment. "Which also happens to coincide with your accepting that my changing was inevitable," she said perceptively. "It could be that anticipation is making it harder; or…" she stopped, looking pensively out of the window and chewing on her lower lip.

"Or?" I prompted her softly, knowing what she was about to say.

There was a fire in her eyes as she looked straight into mine. "Once I'm changed, you'll never taste my blood again."

Even expecting it, I was startled. She sounded older than her years all of a sudden, completely unmoved by the idea of my taking her blood.

"There is probably some truth to both of those theories," I admitted carefully, my eyes dropping to her collar bone, and the curl of dark hair that lay coiled there.

"Was it very difficult for you?" she asked seriously, and I knew I knew she was referring to our recent activities.

I reached for the errant curl and twisted it around my finger. "I wouldn't say very difficult. It wasn't easy."

I was startled when she suddenly pulled away. "I'm sorry," she whispered, ducking her head and hiding behind a curtain of tousled hair.

"Sorry? What…Bella?" I moved swiftly closer to her, turning her to face me and sweeping her hair aside, tilting her face up so I could see her. To my utter horror, her eyes welled up with tears. "Bella, what is the matter? Why are you crying? What are you sorry for?" I looked at her searchingly. I may not be able to read her mind, but her face was an open book to me.

"I'm sorry for pushing you into doing something you were not comfortable with," she sobbed, pulling her face away from my hand and averting it again. "I was selfish, just thinking of my own pleasure. You told me you were having trouble with your control, and I pushed you into it anyway like some common...Edward, I didn't even spare you a thought! I just went after what I wanted!"

"Bella, hush," I soothed her, smoothing her hair away from her face. "Stop it. First of all, there is nothing common about you, so don't say anything like that ever again. Secondly, you can't make me do something I don't want to do."

"Of course I can, Edward," she sniffed, smiling tremulously.

I couldn't help laughing. She was right of course. I found it much harder to hold the line with her than I used to.

She grew serious again. "If I hadn't pushed you, would you have done it?"

Again I was tempted to evade her question or dissemble. I hadn't realized, until I made a conscious decision to change, how much I kept hidden from Bella, because I was treating her like a child, or protecting her. In many was she _was _still a child, especially by vampire standards, and on rare occasions she even behaved like one, but that was no longer my purview. It never had been, and it took a rash act on my part, and a very uncomfortable half-hour or so with Carlisle, to make me see it.

"No," I replied honestly. "I wouldn't have."

I expected fresh tears from her over my answer, but she surprised me again. She looked at me keenly, wiping the tears from under her eyes with her fingertips.

"Thank you," she said quietly.

I looked at her in surprise. "Thank you for what?"

"For telling me the truth, and not trying to spare me."

"Oh. Well, that isn't easy either, but I promised you I would try. And Bella, I wouldn't have touched you if I thought for a moment that I couldn't handle it. I won't lie, it wasn't easy, but the pleasure I gave you, not to mention the pleasure I got from teasing you," I added with a cocky grin, "made any difficulties I had more than worthwhile. You do believe me, don't you?"

"Yes, Edward, I believe you." She leaned in, brushing her velvety lips against mine before kissing me slowly and deeply. I moaned in protest when she pulled away, looking at me questioningly.

"Edward, you didn't see into my mind when…uh…" She came to a sudden stop, blushing deeply.

I brushed the my fingers lightly across the fire in her cheeks, hearing the regret in my voice. "No, I didn't. Not this time."

She caught my hand and turned it, holding the back to her flaming cheek. "I didn't think so," she sighed, sounding disappointed. "I don't understand…" She trailed off, frowning endearingly. Releasing me, she dropped the sheet onto the bed, and picked up one of my shirts, slipping into it and buttoning it up. "I guess I should start packing. I am surprised Alice isn't here by now, directing the operations."

"Actually, she is already champing at the bit. She's waiting for a sign from me that she can come up."

"Well, give her the sign. What are you waiting for?"

"I am not done with you yet," I said, heading for my stuff and rummaging in one of my bags. "I got you a cell phone," I said, turning to her. "I have programmed everyone's numbers in it, and you can call us from anywhere. I put your music on there too, and some of mine as well. And of course you have access to the internet."

I turned to the door suddenly. "Alice is on her way to help you pack."

Right on queue, the pixie in question bounced through the doorway. "Let's get this show on the road! Did Edward tell you? I'm going with you!" she squealed excitedly.

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but Alice just plowed right on. "I'll stay away most of the time, but maybe we could run into each other once by accident or something. Now, let's take a look at your new wardrobe and figure out what you're taking with you!"

She had already started rummaging through Bella's things before she noticed that I hadn't left yet. Pausing, she turned to me, her eyebrows raised. "You may go, Edward," she said with a dismissive wave of her fingers. "Your presence is no longer required."

Chuckling at Bella's resigned look, I left the room.

* * *

Bella had been gone for six days, and I had become, by general consensus, completely unbearable. I couldn't help but agree with my family's assessment, and had taken to disappearing into the wilderness for long stretches of time to give them a break from me.

I was pining for Bella. I was moody, nervous, and on edge, convinced that just as my life was finally coming together after countless decades, something would come and snatch my reason for living away from me. It made almost no difference that Alice was with her. She might be able to keep a watch for dangers of the vampiric variety, but there was nothing she could do to protect Bella from herself and her _usually_ endearing clumsiness. How quickly that clumsiness became an irritation to me when I wasn't around to protect her from it. Alice couldn't he around her every second of the day, and even if she had a vision of Bella tripping and falling in front of a speeding car, she might not be able to get to her in time. Fortunately, Bella would be back by my side in about twenty-four hours, and then I would never be separated from her again. At least not if I had anything to say about it.

My resourceful sister had found a way to go out in the sun in public without becoming the leading story on the evening news. She had been experimenting with heavy-duty concealers, and had found one that actually did the trick. It had to be applied quite thickly, and felt relatively uncomfortable on the skin, but it managed to conceal most of the glittering. It looked like she was wearing a shimmery body powder. It was very flattering on her, as a woman, but unfortunately didn't work for me. It made me look just a little prettier than I was comfortable with. As a result, I was forced to say goodbye to Bella in the shadows of the parking garage at the Albuquerque Sunport, but only after Alice assured me that she saw them arriving safely in Jacksonville.

I caught the scent of a buck, and instinctively dropped to a crouch before realizing I wasn't particularly thirsty. I had fed several times already. Rising out of my crouch, I jogged higher up into the mountains, until I came to a place where I had an unobstructed view of the horizon. I wanted to go home, but had been told in no uncertain terms that I was not to show my face before nightfall, to give Jasper a break from what he called my 'insufferable angst'. Carlisle had also suggested it might be a good time to work on my apology for kidnapping Bella.

I sat down on a rock and stared, unseeing at the horizon. Thinking about my apology had been a fruitless endeavor. Try as I might, I could not bring myself to regret what I did, and I would not be able to give the family the kind of apology Carlisle wanted me to give them. I didn't think time would make any difference, and I resolved to tell him when I got home. I stayed on my perch until the last of the sunset faded and the first stars studded the indigo sky, and then jumped down and loped homeward.

* * *

I came in through the back of the house, through the den where Rosalie was curled up on the couch with her laptop.

"Where's Emmett?"

She didn't bother to look up or answer me out loud. _He left with Jasper a couple of hours ago. They went running. I think he is getting bored._

I grunted in reply, and headed to the front room, pausing in the shadows of the doorway.

My father was sitting in one of the armchairs, reading to Esme, who was curled up on his lap, her head tucked under his chin. The only illumination in the room came from the fireplace, and the warm shifting light made them look very much alive. As I watched my adoptive parents sharing a quiet moment, Carlisle whispered something against Esme's hair, and she turned her head to bury her face into his chest with a shy smile. Carlisle chucked softly, dropped a kiss on the crown of her head, and looked across the room at me.

"Come in, Edward," he said.

Esme shifted and turned, leaning forward in her husband's lap. Her face lit up when she saw me, and I marveled again at the depth of her love for us all.

"Edward! How are you feeling?"

I walked toward them, bending down to place a kiss on her forehead before dropping into the other chair. I shrugged in reply.

"Is something on your mind, Edward?" Carlisle asked me, observing me shrewdly.

I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees. "Carlisle, Esme, I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to apologize for kidnapping Bella and really mean it," I started. "Not the way you want me to, at least."

Esme settled back against Carlisle's chest, and they both gave me their full attention, inviting me to continue with their thoughts.

I considered my words carefully. "For a start, I don't really see it as kidnapping. I know it is by definition," I continued quickly as Carlisle raised an eyebrow, "but I'm not some stranger keeping her locked in a closet. I love her, and she always knew she was safe with me. I wasn't threatening her life or holding her for ransom. I was not treating her the way she deserves to be treated, but I wasn't hurting her. I was doing what I thought was right, misguided though my actions were. Added to that, I cannot regret a course of action that brought Bella and I closer together in the end, and made me change my mind about her becoming a vampire. I have no doubt that it was the events of the past week or so that brought me to where I am now."

Carlisle smiled. "I am proud of you, Edward…you have come such a long way. I accept your reasoning. Do you agree, Esme?"

"I do," she said, her voice soft with emotion. "I am proud of you too, Edward. I love you so very much, and I am so happy for you."

"You can consider the matter closed," Carlisle finished.

I was opening my mouth to thank them for being so understanding, when Jasper and Emmett's thoughts intruded violently into my mind, mentally shouting the name of the one person who could still destroy my life.

_Victoria!_

* * *

They had come across her scent just across the border into Colorado. _Far_ too close for comfort. To make matters worse, she wasn't alone. She had six other vampires with her, thought nothing was known about them. There had been nothing in the news about a rash of violent killing such as there had been in Seattle, and there were no more reported disappearances than usual. Victoria could be with mature vampires, or she could simply be picking her newborns and their food from among the disenfranchised, those whose disappearance would go unnoticed.

"How could Alice have missed this?" I ranted angrily, pacing and clutching at my head. No sooner were the words out of my mouth when Carlisle's phone rang.

It was Alice.

"I only just saw!" she cried. "I am so sorry!"

"Alice, it's alright," Carlisle said firmly, cutting her off, and shooting me a warning glance, knowing I had been about to berate my sister for having missed seeing something so monumental. "We know your power isn't infallible, you have nothing to apologize for. Now tell us what you know."

"The vampires with her are mostly newborns. There is a male with her, not a newborn, but I think quite young. He's her mate. They will come across your scent sometime tomorrow morning, and follow it to you."

"Bella gets back tomorrow afternoon!" I yelled.

"Should Edward take her somewhere safe straight from the airport while we take care of the trash?" Emmett asked, grinning over the top of Rosalie's head.

"No."

We all turned to look at Carlisle.

"No," he repeated. "We stick together. This ends here. Bella's isn't the only human life we need to consider. If we don't stop them here, more people will die. Victoria has proven to be beyond crafty. I want everyone there to fight them."

"What about Bella?" I rasped hoarsely.

"It is Bella's decision, but I think we should turn her as soon as she and Alice get home. It's the only way to ensure her safety. Alice, do you have any insights?"

There was silence from the other end of the phone. Carlisle frowned. "Alice?"

Fear battered its way through me. Alice was having a vision, I was sure of it, and I was terrified of what it might be.

She finally spoke, but she sounded distant. "Yes…she should be changed immediately. I see her…" her voice petered out.

"Alice?" I said sharply.

"I don't understand," she muttered, going silent again.

"Alice, please!" I cried.

"I see her changing, but she keeps disappearing on me, like there is a stutter in the vision, or a short, an electrical short."

I growled in frustration, wishing she were closer, so I could see for myself what she meant.

"Her future keeps intermittently disappearing on me," she continued.

"But you do see her changing safely," I pressed her.

"I only see her going through the…" she faltered, and I squeezed my eyes shut, knowing without needing to read her mind that she was referring to the pain of the change. She was seeing Bella writhing in agony. I inhaled through clenched teeth, and felt a gentle hand on my arm. I opened my eyes to see Esme standing next to me. She smiled at me with compassion, reaching up to smooth my hair comfortingly, but said nothing. We both knew there was nothing to say. We had both been through what Bella was facing.

I turned resolutely toward Carlisle. "So what's the plan?"

"For now, we wait. There is no sense in precipitating a confrontation. We let them come to us. By then Bella's transformation will be underway. We will defend the mountain while she goes through the change. I'm leaving those details up to you, Jasper."

My eldest brother nodded, his face expressionless. He had not moved or spoken throughout our meeting, leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest. He had been way ahead of Carlisle already, drawing on his military background and going over strategy in his head.

Alice voice broke in. "I have to get back to the others. Bella, Renee and Phil were having their farewell dinner, and I had just joined them for coffee when I had the vision. I excused myself to call you. Bella doesn't know yet, and I would rather not tell her until we are on the plane. I don't want to ruin her last hours with her mother, and Bella wouldn't be able to keep her emotions hidden from Renee."

I opened my mouth to agree, but stopped and looked at Carlisle, deferring to him. He nodded his approval.

"I agree, Alice," I said. "Wait until you are on the plane. She deserves to know, and to have some time to get used to the idea."

"I will, Edward. We'll call you as soon as I have told her. See you tomorrow." She disconnected.

I wanted to scream in frustration. The next several days would be the most difficult I'd ever have to endure, I was sure of it. First the endless waiting to have Bella by my side again, and then the endless waiting for her pain and suffering to end, torn between needing to stay beside her, and needing to hunt Victoria down and tear her to shreds.

"I need to run," I growled, lunging toward the door.

Jasper's voice stayed me. "Go south, Edward," he said. "We don't want to draw their attention any sooner than we have to."

I nodded, and disappeared through the door and into the darkness.

**To be continued…**

**

* * *

**

I apologize profusely for the delay in posting. Life very much got in the way, I became engrossed in a couple of incredibly good fics, suffered a crisis of confidence as a result, got writer's block, and finally managed to push my way past it by forcing myself to write.

As I started writing this chapter, I was shocked to realize that this story is coming to a close. Two or three more chapters, and it is over. I want to write about Bella's early years as a vampire, so I will definitely continue this story, but it will be in the form of a sequel, posted under a different title, probably _Bringing up Baby_.

Now to the two stories that have kept me from working on my own:

_Irritable Grizzly Adams_, by **Caligula42**. Summary: AU. Edward left Bella in the woods five years ago. Struggling to make a life without him, Bella finds herself still alone in an entirely different forest. But what happens if they are accidentally reunited? Rated M for language and sexual situations. It is wonderful, and is my current all time favorite.

_Black and White_, by **Vixen1836**. Summary: Edward Masen left his military career jaded and suffering from PTSD. Bella Swan is visiting Forks for the summer from the University of Washington. Both experience intrigue and infatuation before quietly falling in love. RATED M LANGUAGE/LEMONS. AU/AH. This one is LONG (a plus, of course). The chapters are as long as 18K in some cases.


	19. Chapter 19

**Note: **There are a few things I want to clear up:

- I will not be making up a new power for vampire Bella. Bella's being a shield is a perfect explanation for why Edward can't read her mind, and I see no reason to mess with that. Since the events of Breaking Dawn didn't happen here, I had to find a new way for her power to emerge. I just put my own spin on it, and expanded a little on what she can do with it.

- There will be no big battle, at least not "on-screen".

* * *

**Bella**:

The drive home from the airport was completely silent. Edward was at the wheel, darting frequent looks at me through the rear-view mirror to where I sat in the back seat, making sure I was alright. Alice was in the front seat, absorbed in her own thoughts.

I wondered if they could sense the depth of my terror. I was making a superhuman effort to keep my face expressionless, and I think that in and of itself was making Edward suspicious, if the slight crease between his eyebrows when he looked at me was any indication. Over time, my face had become an open book to him, and I think he was not used to seeing it so blank. He knew I was frightened, I just didn't know if he had any idea how much. He would find out from Jasper as soon as we got within range of him, but until then, I didn't want him to know. Ruthlessly suppressing my fear was the only way for me to control it. I was convinced that if I voiced it out loud, if I told Edward and Alice I was absolutely terrified, I would lose it completely.

I thought I was prepared. I made the absolute most out of my time with my mother, and had accepted the fact that I might not see her again for a while, maybe ever. Same with Charlie; I had spoken to him daily, even if at times it was just for a short while. I had made peace with my old life and said my goodbyes. I was ready. But when suddenly faced with the inescapable fact that my hours as a mortal were numbered, that it really was going to happen, and soon, I found myself overcome with fear. Fear of the change itself, fear of how I would adapt to being of a different species, fear of how I would fit in as the youngest member of a large family…It was a huge, irreversible step into the unknown that I would be taking in a matter of hours, and I would have to live with my choice until…well, likely for a very, _very_ long time. When death _did_ eventually come, as I had no doubt it would some day, though likely in a future so distant it was unimaginable, it would probably be extraordinarily unpleasant. Despite my immutable certainty that I was making the right choice, these were all still sobering thoughts.

I had thrown myself wholeheartedly into my time with Renee, spending almost every waking moment in her company, agreeing to all her plans for our time together. Even when we were only reading, we did it in each others company. Phil took us out to dinner almost every evening, but the rest of the time belonged to my mother and me only. We talked endlessly. It was the best time I had ever spent with her. I guess it was made sweeter for me because I knew that this could be it for us. We had even managed to include Alice quite a bit; Renee absolutely adored her. It was a wonderful week, and I was so glad that Carlisle had insisted on it. I called Edward every night after I had gone to bed, but those calls were short as he insisted that I get some sleep so as to be able to spend as much time as possible with my mother, and fully enjoy it.

That wonderful week and the feelings of well-being I derived from it had suddenly come to an end shortly after we had been seated in first class. I had accepted a glass of orange juice, and Alice had taken a glass of champagne, some of which she tipped into my glass once I had finished half of it. I was enjoying my first Mimosa, when I found out it would also be my last.

Alice turned to me, took a deep breath, and told me what had transpired while I was enjoying my last evening with Phil and Renee. When she finished, we sat in silence for a while as I digested the news. Finally, I spoke, my voice shaking slightly.

"What does this mean for me?" I asked warily. I was afraid this would delay my conversion yet again, and I didn't want to run. I didn't want to be hidden away again. I just wanted to get it over with and start my new life.

Be careful what you wish for.

"Carlisle and Edward want to start your transformation as soon as you get back. They feel it's the only way to make completely sure you are safe from Victoria."

The cold fingers of dread wrapped themselves around my heart and squeezed. I mechanically took a sip of my drink, and concentrated on its flavor, helping me focus and not give in to the terror building up inside me. My body was going to die, and although my conscious mind approved of this, some instinctual part of my brain was screaming at me to run and save myself.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I didn't want your week to end like this. It would have been nice if we could have given you a little more time to mentally prepare."

"This is probably for the best, Alice," I murmured. "From what I hear this isn't exactly something you can truly prepare for, anyway. Maybe this way, I won't have time to become truly afraid."

Alice gave me a sympathetic look, and I could tell she knew I already _was_ truly afraid. It was stupid of me to think I could really hide it, but for my own sake I had to put on a good show. Putting in my ear buds, I upped the volume on my music and reclined the seat, hoping to compose myself before I had to face Edward. Despite the fact that he had come to terms with my turning into a vampire, I didn't want to give him any reason to change his mind. If that meant keeping the extent of my fear hidden from him, so be it.

"Bella?"

I dragged my thoughts back to the present, and looked up at the rear-view mirror, straight into Edward's concerned eyes.

"Are you ok?"

Remembering his honesty with me, I decided maybe I could let go just a little. "I'm scared," I confessed. I expected his features to twist in guilt and anguish as usual, but he just gave me a compassionate look.

"I know," he said quietly.

"You are going to be fine, Bella," Alice suddenly piped up. "You'll come through this unscathed."

Edward looked at her quickly. "Did you see this?" There was hope in his voice.

"Yes," Alice said confidently, turning to look at me. "I still see you as one of us. You're laughing, happy."

I found Alice's words more reassuring than I thought I would. I was about to ask her for more details when Edward brought the car to a stop. We had only just turned on the road that led up to his place, so I looked out of the windows, wondering why we had stopped. A second later, Carlisle and Jasper emerged from the trees and out onto the road.

As Alice got out of the car, slamming the door and bounding into Jasper's arms with a cry of pleasure, Edward turned to face me. "Stay in the car, Bella," he instructed me. "And don't open the windows. We need to do everything we can to mask your scent, for as long as we can." He reached for me and pulled me to him, kissing me gently, and then released me. "I'll be right back," he said, getting out of the car himself.

Alone in the air conditioned interior of the car, with only the quiet hum of the engine to distract me, I felt a renewed surge of apprehension. Jasper's head turned quickly in my direction, and I felt a warm, soothing calm wash over me. I gave him a small smile, and waved in thanks, even though I wasn't sure he could see me through the tinted windows. He smile gently back at me before turning back to the others. They spoke a few minutes longer, their lips vibrating like hummingbird wings, and then Edward turned and loped back to the car, getting in quickly. He put the car in gear, and started up the mountain again. Carlisle, Alice, and Jasper disappeared into the trees without a backward glance.

I climbed into the front seat, buckled myself in, and turned to Edward.

"So…is there anything I need to know?" I asked quietly.

He looked at me briefly, and seemed to be struggling with something. He inhaled. "They have caught the scent of several vampires, but none of them are Victoria, so far." He looked at me, as he spoke, concern for me in his topaz eyes.

"Where did the others go?"

"Alice is going back to tracking with the Esme, Rosalie and Emmett. Carlisle and Jasper have gone on ahead to get everything ready." Again, he gave me that quick look of concern, and reached for my hand.

"I'm ok, Edward," I told him honestly, giving his fingers a squeeze. "Scared, but ok. It is time. I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

"Jasper is going to stick around to help you," he said. "For as long as he can, anyway."

I imagined that at some point my emotions would be too much for Jasper to deal with, and he would have to leave. Until that time, I would appreciate all the help he could give me. We drove on in silence, and I looked out at the scenery, knowing that the next time I would see it, it would probably look very different to me.

We got to the house without having spoken again, both of us lost in our separate thoughts and battling our own personal demons. As soon as we got through the door, Edward sent me up to our room with instructions to change into something comfortable. "Not your nightgown," he added. "Something you don't mind…damaging."

My heart skipped a beat, and I nodded wordlessly, heading upstairs on shaking legs. Rummaging through my piles of new clothes, I located a white tank top and a pair of sweat shorts and changed quickly, settling myself on the bed when I was done. I sat at the foot of the bed, facing that wonderful bay window and the breath-taking view, drinking it in as if I would never see it again. I waited for what seemed like hours, finally wondering if I should go down and look for the others.

"Bella?"

I let out a short cry and spun around, my hand over my heart. "Jasper!" I gasped. "You scared me!"

He just looked at me, a faint frown marring his forehead.

"Jasper? What's wrong?" He was starting to make me nervous, and I wondered why he wasn't doing anything to calm me. Surely he must sense my growing unease.

"I can't feel you," he stated, his frown deepening. "I can't help you if you shut me out, Bella."

"But I'm not doing anything!" I cried.

He approached me slowly, and reached out to graze my arm with his fingertips. He gasped when he made contact, and pulled his hand away quickly, looking at me with startled eyes.

"What?" I said with an edge to my voice.

He reached for my arm again, this time wrapping his cold fingers around my wrist, tightening his grip when I tried to pull away. I felt myself go calm suddenly. He released my wrist slowly, looking at me intently all the while. I started to get annoyed, and he smiled, obviously sensing it.

"Interesting…" he murmured.

"Jasper," I snapped, "I swear if you don't tell me what the hell you are talking about…" I stopped, realizing how ridiculous I sounded. Like there was anything I could do to coerce him. Obviously I amused him, because he broke into an absolutely charming grin.

"I'm sorry, Bella, it's just that this is a new experience for me. I couldn't read you when I came into the room just now. When I touched you, I suddenly could. When I let go, I was blind again. I had to maintain contact in order to influence you." He chuckled. "I understand Edward's frustration a little better now. It's a strange sensation, not to be able to read a person's emotions."

"And now?" I asked, interested. "Am I still blocked to you?"

"No. Now that you have calmed a little, I can sense you again." He turned to the door moments before I heard it myself: two sets of footsteps coming up the stairs.

Showtime.

A tidal wave of fear crashed through me. Jasper tensed, wincing, and then relaxed again, looking at me with that same frown. "You're doing it again, Bella," he muttered.

"What is she doing?" Edward asked, walking through the door followed by Carlisle.

"She's blocking me. I have to touch her to have any effect on her."

"I am not!" I protested. "Not on purpose, anyway."

"We don't have time for this," Carlisle interjected firmly, stopping us all in our tracks. "We can talk about it once the change is complete. But for now...Edward, would you like a moment with Bella?"

Edward and I locked eyes, and he nodded. Carlisle and Jasper disappeared, probably only as far as the library. We continued to stare at each other. I shuddered, and Edward was at my side instantly, pulling me into his frigid embrace. "Shhh, Bella…shhh. Remember, it won't last forever. Carlisle and I will not leave you, and Jasper will stay as long as he can."

"Will Jasper feel any of my pain?" I asked in a small voice, not wanting to be the cause of anyone's distress.

"No," Edward murmured, stroking my hair. "He will feel the emotions engendered by your pain, but not the pain itself."

He pulled away from me and cupped my face with his hands, his eyes roving all over my face, throat and chest, as if he were trying to memorize me. In fact, he probably _was_ memorizing me. I blushed right on cue, and his nostrils flared slightly as his eyelids fluttered closed. He was evidently inhaling me, committing my human scent to memory. His eyes opened again, burning into mine intently. One minute we were just looking soulfully at each other, and the next, we were desperately kissing, hands grabbing, touching and feeling frantically. It was Edward – naturally – who broke our embrace, pushing me away and staring at me searchingly.

"I have to ask you this one last time, Bella…Are you sure you want to go through with this?"

I replied without hesitation. "Yes, I'm sure."

"Very well, then. Let's do it."

I tore my eyes from his, noticing for the first time that Jasper and Carlisle were back in the room, standing behind him. Edward stood, and was immediately replaced by Carlisle, who sat on the edge of the bed, holding a syringe filled with a clear liquid. My eyes flew to his.

"What…?"

He smiled reassuringly. "It occurred to me, rather belatedly, that all that is needed for conversion to take place is for the venom to enter the bloodstream. One does not actually have to be bitten for that to occur. I am embarrassed that it took me, a physician, so long to make the connection. It is not going to change anything about your ordeal, but I figured you could do without the added stress of being bitten."

My relief was so overwhelming, I was almost giddy. I had been more worried about that aspect of the change than any other. I knew a vampire's teeth where sharp, but still. The idea of being bitten by them had absolutely terrified me. An injection, by comparison, was nothing. Jasper, sensing my relief, chuckled under his breath.

"Whose…" I hesitated, but Carlisle knew exactly what I was asking.

"All three of us," he replied immediately. "Since the idea of using a syringe only occurred to me at the last minute, I had to get venom from Edward and Jasper as well, in order to have enough. I am hoping that using a larger dose will speed up your transformation time."

I smiled. So Edward would be a part of me after all. That made me very happy. I heard an impatient snort, and turned to see Edward perched on the other side of the bed, looking at me with affectionate aggravation. I raised an eyebrow in query.

"With everything you are going to go through," he growled, "I can't believe you are so happy that a part of me is going to be responsible for killing you."

"Oh, relax," I said, swatting at his arm. I couldn't believe how calm I was feeling, and knew I owed it to Jasper. I also knew it wouldn't last.

Carlisle tossed a length of rubber tubing to Edward, and they both proceeded to tie them tightly around my upper arms, working quickly, slightly faster than human speed. Carlisle used two fingers to feel for a vein in the crook of my elbow.

"Make a fist, Bella," he instructed me. I complied, and using his thumb to anchor the vein, Carlisle uncapped the syringe with his teeth and quickly injected me with about half its contents. He then handed off the syringe to Edward, who quickly repeated the procedure, skillfully injecting the rest of the venom into my other arm and removing the tourniquet. I looked at him in surprise, a question in my eyes.

"Later," he muttered.

"Lie down, sweetheart," Carlisle instructed me, applying a gentle pressure to my shoulder to guide me down. I settled myself back against the pillows, feeling almost drowsy, I was so calm.

My sense of relaxation was short-lived.

Both injection sites started to heat up immediately, and the slow burn spread as my blood started carrying the venom through my body. It felt like I had been injected with acid, and this acid had started corroding the walls of my veins, and was eating away at the inside of my arms. The burn turned into fire, and my breathing started to accelerate. I grunted, bringing my right hand to my left arm, and rubbed the inside of my arm vigorously, hoping for relief even as I knew it wouldn't help at all. The fire amplified tenfold, and I started crying out wordlessly, clawing at my arms, trying to inflict a different kind of pain on myself to detract from the raging inferno that was chewing its way down to my fingertips and up into my shoulders. Cold hands immobilized my wrists and I started thrashing, angry at being restrained. What did it matter if I tore into my own arms? At the end of my transformation, the damage would be healed anyway. I snarled, trying to yank my arms free, but it was as if they had been welded to the mattress on either side of me.

Impossibly, the pain ratcheted up another notch, and my snarls turned to strangled cries. I bent my knees, digging my heels into the bed, trying to get my feet under me to lift myself off the mattress, and felt more cold hands, pressing my legs into the sheets by the ankles. I screamed, pulling so hard on my imprisoned wrists and ankles that I thought my muscles would snap free of my bones. I was overcome by the irresistible urge to try and outrun the pain, even though I knew it would be absolutely pointless.

The pain spiked again, reaching levels that I could not have imagined in my wildest nightmares. I screamed even louder, pausing only long enough to draw breath to scream again, my entire body arching off the bed as I tried to break free of the hands restraining me. I didn't know who was holding on to what, and I didn't care. I could not seem to focus on anything. I always came back to the pain, as my body tore itself apart and rebuilt itself at a cellular level. I heard distant voices, one frantic, and two soothing, but I could not place them, and they soon faded into a scarlet haze of agony. I had forgotten where I was, and who I was with. I had even forgotten who_ I_ was. I was incorporeal, and now existed only as excruciating, agonizing torture.

Time ceased to have any meaning. I could have been suffering only for five minutes, or for five years. I had very few lucid moments, and even when I did, very little of the outside world seemed to penetrate. I heard Edward screaming during one of those lucid moments, but I was unable to break out of my torpor, no matter how I struggled. The pain was so constant that at times, it too ceased to have any meaning, and I could almost live with it.

I drifted endlessly.

The end of my ordeal, when it finally came, snuck up on me so gradually, that I didn't notice at first that the pain has significantly lessened. My awareness of myself increased as the pain began to dissipate, fading faster and faster, until at last it was no more, and never would be again.

Everything swung sharply into focus. My hearing, my sense of smell, my eyesight…all my stunted human senses had suddenly achieved their full potential.

I did not realize it was dark at first. I could see better at night, now, than I could during the day when I was human. I lay on my back, unaware of my body for the time being, simply relishing the new levels at which I could see. I don't know how long I stared at the imperfections in the plaster of the ceiling and the wood of the beams, marveling at how much more imperfect, tenuous and fragile the world really was. I turned my head sideways and looked out of one of the windows, awed at the colors I never knew existed. Remembering that I now had vastly increased strength and speed, I moved very slowly, sitting up carefully and searching the room with newborn eyes.

I was alone. Edward had promised me he and Carlisle would stay with me all the way through, but they we nowhere to be seen. I focused on my hearing, and immediately became entranced by the sounds coming in through the open windows. The infinitesimal breeze sounded like a soft exhalation, and carried with it layer upon layer of sound; the sloshing and sucking of the water gurgling out of the ground into the hot spring, the musical tinkle as it flowed over the stones; the sound of the trees, creaking and groaning as they shifted in distant winds, the rustling and snuffling of the nocturnal denizens of the mountains, the loud, rhythmic jingling of the cicadas…the sensory input was suddenly too much, and with a soft cry, I clapped my hand over my ears, wishing Edward was with me to talk me through these confusing new sensations.I tried again, peeling my hands away from my ears slowly, tuning out those sounds that I had already identified, and searching for any familiar voices.

Fortunately, that proved to be relatively easy. As a human, I was already able to tune out certain sounds in favor of others; the only difference was that now, as a vampire, I had more audial input to deal with. I quickly honed in on the only two voices I could locate, one of which I recognized as Carlisle's. As for the second one…it was a woman's voice, and it sounded vaguely familiar, but I couldn't quite place it. I shifted my attention to the words she was speaking.

"…started with her. It is only fitting that she spend the rest of eternity living with the agony of having lost her mate, and knowing that I killed him."

In an instant, I knew who it was, and who she was talking about. The woman was Victoria, and she was talking about Edward. My mate. _Mine_.

Pure, unadulterated rage boiled up inside of me, and the red haze was suddenly back in front of my eyes. No other emotions had time to develop. I moved, and the next thing I knew, I was standing in the front room, looking down into the glassy eyes of Victoria's severed head. She was strewn around the room in six different pieces, and from the look I saw on Carlisle's face, I guessed I was the one who had put the pieces there.

"Did I…?" I stammered, pointing to the carnage.

"Yes, but…"

I didn't hear the rest of Carlisle's reply.

I opened my mouth and started screaming.

**To be continued…**


	20. Chapter 20

**Note**: O ye of little faith. I can't believe so many people were worried I might kill off Guiltward. As if.

My apologies for the delay in getting this out. I grovel in mortification. I blame it on all the good writers out there. I have been reading fic. Also, I broke my rule of not starting on the next story before finishing this one. Which means you'll get a big, juicy preview at the end of this story. Which, by the way, isn't over yet. Apparently, I lied. There will be another chapter after this, maybe two. I was going to make this an extra long chapter, but since I was taking too damn long to get it done, I figured I'd post what I had now. I have more loose ends to tie up than I thought.

I think am posting this too soon. It feels a bit rushed, but it has been three weeks, and I am am impatient. I hope I don't regret it in the morning.

* * *

**Edward**:

Bella just kept on trying to get up. It figured that she would be the only one of Carlisle's converts who simply refused to stay confined to the bed. I cursed inwardly. She never had been one to do things by the norm, why should she start now?

"Should we tie her down?" Japer asked tersely, keeping a light grip on Bella's ankles. Carlisle and I had a hold of her wrists, and we were also carefully pressing her into the bed by the shoulders. She was grunting and gasping, twisting so violently she was in danger of dislocating something.

"It might be best," Carlisle replied. "We could be here for a while, otherwise. Edward, could you find us some rope, or something to bind her with?"

Bella's cries grew louder, and she let out an ear-splitting scream, the first of many. I flinched, staring down at her in anguish, suddenly feeling very small, and not at all sure I could go through with this.

"Edward?"

Bella's screams intensified. I flinched again, looking up at Carlisle, my face stricken. "I can't do this, Carlisle," I moaned. "I can't take it. I can't stand seeing her in so much pain."

"Then leave," he said heartlessly. "It's up to you."

I just stared at him. I am not sure what he saw in my expression, but his face softened.

_Edward, you are going to have to find the strength within yourself to deal with it_. Carlisle's mental voice was firm. _She needs you now, and your brother will have enough on his plate dealing with her, without having to take care of you as well_. _Now pull yourself together, and go and find something we can use to tie her down with._

He shifted his hands to her upper arms, taking over from me and holding her securely in place. I stood, but made no move to leave, unable to tear my eyes away from the agonized grimace that distorted Bella's features.

"Edward!"

I jerked my head away from Bella's anguished face to Carlisle's stern one.

"Rope. Go!" he snapped, with a jerk of his head.

I was pretty sure I had no rope, so I tore a bed sheet into strips and braided them into something just as efficient. Carlisle and I secured her limbs, while Jasper stood back against the wall, hands balled into fists at his sides and tension in every inch of his body as he tried to cope with the intensity of the emotions battering at him.

* * *

Ten hours into Bella's transformation, Jasper finally broke, and had to leave. If dealing with her emotions and mine combined weren't bad enough, he also had to put up with Bella's emotions shorting out intermittently, and for varying lengths of time. The anticipation, the stress of not knowing when he would suddenly be hit by them again, made it impossible for him relax enough to generate any feelings of calm. He'd been hunched over, clutching at his head, when Carlisle finally sent him away to join the others in the hunt.

As for me, I was a wreck. A helpless, useless wreck. I was so accustomed to having control over almost every aspect of Bella's life that I didn't know how to handle it now that I had none. There was nothing I could do but wait and watch while the love of my existence screamed and writhed in pain. It was humbling, frustrating, and it nearly drove me mad.

The hours dragged on. Jasper came and went a couple of times, bringing us news on the hunt for Victoria and the newborns, but I was too focused on Bella to pay attention to what he was saying. I lay on the bed with her, on my side, my cold body pressed against hers, one leg draped over her, nestling between her knees, hoping it would bring her some relief from the fire that consumed her. Her temperature was skyrocketing as the venom burned through her body. Carlisle sat in the armchair, reading for the most part, but occasionally checking on us, taking Bella's vitals, and making notes.

Just shy of twenty-four hours into her transformation, the most excruciating pain ripped through my body. With a strangled cry, I jerked and rolled away from Bella. I must have fallen off the bed, because when the pain subsided, I was staring up into Carlisle's anxious face.

"What happened?" He asked, helping me sit up.

I scrubbed my fingers through my hair. "I'm not sure," I said weakly. "I think I may have been connected to Bell..." My words were cut off as pain clawed through every cell of my body again. This time, it lasted longer, and this time, I screamed. And screamed. And screamed.

I was getting inside her again. Of all the times for…whatever it is that this was…to happen, it had to be now, while she was in agonizing pain. I would have welcomed the pain if I knew I was suffering it _for_ her, but that wasn't the case. I was simply feeling it, along with her fear, confusion and extreme stress.

After what seem like an age, it all stopped as suddenly as it had started. Bella continued to writhe and scream periodically, and I lay on the floor beside the bed shuddering in the aftermath and groaning soundlessly. It took me a while to realize that Carlisle was speaking to me.

"What?" I gasped hoarsely.

"You need to get out of here, Edward. Go with Jasper, and get out of range. I will stay here with Bella. I'll take care of her."

"No. I'm fine. I need to stay with Bella."

"Edward, this isn't a suggestion. Go."

"I said no, Carlisle. I told Bella I would stay with her all the way through. I am not leaving her. I can handle it."

"Well, I can't," he said, his voice cracking slightly.

I looked at him, surprised at the emotion in his voice.

"It's bad enough having to watch Bella go through this kind of agony. I can't handle seeing you go through it as well, especially not when you don't have to. Please, Edward. Trust me to take care of her, and go."

_Please…go of your own free will…don't make me have Jasper get Emmett and remove you forcibly… _

I could tell he wasn't aware that I had caught those particular thoughts. I am not even sure he was aware he was having them. I did know he was deadly serious. If I didn't leave willingly, he would send Jasper to get Emmett and they would both carry me away from here, whether I cooperated or not. I was just debating whether it was worth putting up a fight, when the decision was taken from me. My connection with Bella flared to life again, but I barely had time to draw breath to scream before I blacked out, my brain presumably unable to deal with the sensory input and the stress it was putting on my mind.

When I came out of it, I my nose was bumping against Jasper's lower back as he ran through the trees carrying me slung over his shoulder.

"Jazz, put me down," I slurred.

He stopped immediately, bending forward slightly and setting me down on my feet, gripping me by the arms until he was sure I was steady. "Are you ok now?" he asked, scrutinizing my face carefully.

"Yeah…" I said, scrubbing my hands over my face and through my hair. "What happened?"

"Bella blacked out, so you did too. Carlisle told me to get you out of there before you came out of it. He says you are not to go back until it is over, or we finish with the newborns, whichever comes first."

"I have to. I have to be nearby, at least. I promised." I turned to head back toward Bella, but Jasper moved to block my path. When I tried to move around him, he shifted to block me again.

"Get out of my way," I snapped, shoving him.

He rocked back on his heels slightly. "No," he said quietly, refusing to retaliate. "You are not going back. Carlisle wants you out of range of the backlash, and he told me to do whatever it takes to keep you there. I aim to be doing as I'm told."

He was calm and determined, and I knew him well enough to know that he wasn't going to be moved on the subject. He would get physical with me if he had to, but I would not be going back to the house. Although I knew it would be pointless, I decided to beg.

"Jasper…please…that was…I don't remember it being that bad. It was…unbearable. She's absolutely mindless with pain. I can't let Bella go through that alone. I want to be nearby so I can be there when she wakes up. Please…You have to let me go back. Carlisle doesn't have to know. Please let me go back." My voice was breaking as I pleaded with my older brother.

"Edward…No," he said, his voice firm. "You can't bear the burden for her, and there is no sense in you suffering needlessly. It serves no purpose, and I won't let you do it. Carlisle will be there for her. You and I are needed in the hunt for Victoria. We can either help the others together, or you can waste your time trying to get home, and I will have to waste mine stopping you. It's your choice. Choose quickly."

I hesitated, torn between my heart, which was telling me to get back to Bella as soon as possible, and my head which agreed with Jasper.

"Come on, Edward," he coaxed me, giving me a small shake. "Let's finish this. The sooner we get Victoria, the sooner we can get back to Bella."

"Where do we stand?" I asked, still hesitating.

"Alice and Rosalie got the one Alice thought was Victoria's mate. Five newborns have been destroyed, but there are more than Alice originally saw. So far, only four more. And of course there is Victoria, who seems to be evading all attempts at capture."

I nodded, reluctantly giving in. "Well, we had better get going. Let's get this done. I want to be home before Bella wakes up."

"Now you're talking," he said, slapping me on the shoulder. "Let's go."

We broke into a run and shot into the mountains.

* * *

The newborn female's piercing scream was cut of instantly as I tore her head from her body with a vicious twist. I tossed her head into the fire, sending a shower of lavender sparks spiraling skyward. Jasper tore the rest of her into pieces, and threw them into the fire on top of the already crumbling head. As we watched the flames consume her, Emmett emerged from the shadows.

"I think that's it," he said, walking over to stand with us. "The girls are going to run a final patrol to check, but I think we got everyone but that redheaded bitch."

"We should go home and regroup," Jasper interrupted. "Bella's not going to be safe for another day, and we need to find a way to stop Victoria before she gets away and tries this all over again. This ends today."

"Let's go, then," I said, eager to get back to my love.

"You guys go ahead," Emmett said. "I'll put out the fire and scatter the ashes. I'll be right behind you."

Slapping him on the shoulder, I tore out of there, Jasper close behind me. I needed to get back to Bella as soon as possible. I wanted to be the first person she saw when she woke up to her new life. I ached to hold her without the fear of hurting her.

Very faintly, as we were still a good distance away, I heard Bella screaming. I faltered, breaking my rhythm briefly before finding it again. She would still be undergoing the transformation; it had only been about 24 hours. I picked up speed, anxious to get to her side as soon as possible. I could not relax until I was at her side, not with that red-headed harpy still on the loose. Carlisle was an extremely powerful vampire, and a formidable opponent, and I trusted him to fight to the death to keep Bella safe, but I had to be there. It was if I was driven by instinct. I would not stop until I was back by her side where I belonged.

* * *

I burst through the door into a scene of carnage. Victoria's remains were spread haphazardly across the room, and in the middle stood Bella, her eyes wide and darting back and forth, unfocused, as if she was in the grip of a hallucination or a waking nightmare. Carlisle was holding her face in his hands and trying to force her to focus on him.

"Bella…_Bella_! Look at me! Into my eyes, Bella! Look into my eyes!" He spoke sharply, urgently, watching her eyes like a hawk.

I looked to his mind for answers, and in a flash, I understood what he was so worried about.

His mind was racing, frantic, and therefore the images I got were jumbled, but I was able to piece together than Bella had come out of the transformation earlier than is usual for newborns, and she had come out of it all alone, because he had been downstairs facing Victoria. In seconds, and without being fully aware of what she was doing, Bella had come downstairs, and torn her to pieces. Carlisle had no idea what had set her off. Upon coming back to awareness again, Bella had seen what she had done and gone into hysterics, and then quickly slipped into shock. Carlisle was trying to bring her back.

My heart sank, and I froze. Of all the things that could have gone wrong, I had not expected _this_ being a possibility.

Although it was very rare, some human beings did not survive the transformation unscathed. For some the pain was too great, and the shock to the mind simply too much to come back from. These poor souls quickly spiraled down into madness and needed to be destroyed.

Carlisle sensed that Bella was teetering on the brink, and he was afraid he might not be able to bring her back. On top of the shock of the transformation, Bella had no one with her to guide her through those first moments when her newly enhanced senses made it seem like the whole world was exploding into her, battering her with sounds, smells and tastes, many of which she would be encountering for the first time. She would have been frightened, overwhelmed and confused, and with no one to rein her in and help her control herself, had killed for the first time ever. The shock of having killed so easily without even being aware of doing it, was threatening her sanity. At his wits end and unable to get through to her, Carlisle released her, drew back his hand, and slapped her.

Bella's head snapped to the side, and then slowly turned back, awareness returning to her face. She blinked, and her eyes suddenly slipped into focus, fixing on her new father's face.

"Carlisle?" she whimpered.

"It's ok, Bella," he soothed her, cupping her chin and observing her closely as he smoothed her tangled hair away from her face. "You're all right. It's over. You made it through."

Inexplicably, her face crumpled, and she sank slowly to her knees. "Edward…" she cried out in agony.

I moved, and was kneeling on the ground in front of her, pulling her into my arms before she finished speaking my name.

"I'm here, Bella," I crooned, rubbing circles on her back with my hand. I was so relieved to finally be holding her that it took me a moment to realize that something was still off. My words did not seem to be getting through to her. She appeared to be unaware of me. She didn't look up at me. She didn't wrap her arms around me. She just clutched at her midsection and rocked and trembled, crying out my name.

"She's grieving…" Jasper murmured, his tone full of emotion.

"Grieving? What for? " I asked, surprised.

Jasper shook his head, but before he could speak, Bella was crying out again.

"She killed him…Edward…Victoria killed him…" she moaned barely coherently.

I was temporarily stunned into silence. She thought I was dead? I looked questioningly at Carlisle. He wore a perplexed frown, his thoughts running at high speed through the events of the past half hour, starting with the moment he caught Victoria's scent.

Bella had progressed far more rapidly than he had expected even with the use of the extra venom, and had entered the final stage of the transformation, essentially her last sleep, when Carlisle realized that Victoria had somehow gotten through their defenses, and was in the house, downstairs. He had gone down to confront her rather than wait for her to come to him, extremely concerned for Bella, who was currently unconscious, and therefore completely defenseless. Victoria had behaved strangely, taunting Carlisle and not coming to the reason for her presence until he bluntly asked her what her intentions were.

"_I have come for the human. A mate for a mate. Your family owes me."_

Naturally, Carlisle had informed her Bella would be staying with us. Victoria just smiled, and said nothing, making no move toward Carlisle or the stairs. She just watched him, and waited. This bizarre stand-off ended when Bella cried out upstairs. Carlisle tensed and dropped into a slight crouch, expecting to have to fight Victoria to keep her away from Bella, but Victoria just looked triumphant and didn't move. Finally Carlisle spoke.

"_You are too late. The transformation is complete, she is one of us." _

Victoria bobbed her nose up, testing the air, checking it for Bella's scent. Her face went blank with shock, and then twisted in rage when she realized that Carlisle was telling the truth. Bella was, for the foreseeable future at least, out of her reach.

"_Then I will take your son. I am no longer willing to wait for revenge. Let his mortal pet suffer the agony of losing _her_ soul-mate instead. May she endure the unbearable pain of it for all eternity. Someone must pay. Someone has to suffer as I do, if not him then _she_ will. If it weren't for her, I would still be whole. I am broken because of her. All of this started with _her_. It is only fitting that she spend the rest of eternity living with the agony of having lost her mate, and knowing that I killed him."_

Carlisle's thoughts cut off abruptly, and our eyes locked, mirroring our dawning comprehension.

That had to be it. That had to be the source of the misunderstanding. Bella must have heard only the tail end of Victoria's rant, and assumed I was already dead. It would also explain why she had so suddenly and viciously torn Victoria apart.

Bella was grieving for _me_.

She was starting to shut down, and no matter how hard we tried, neither Carlisle nor I could get her to hear us, or see us. We could not pry her out of the little ball of misery her muscles had locked her body into, not without tearing her apart. We were simply no match for her newborn strength. I could not lift her chin to force her to see me, and I couldn't pry her arms away from her midsection so I could step into her embrace, so she could feel me and hold me. I was terrified she would withdraw so deeply into herself that we would never be able to pull her out. She could very well stop moving and eventually petrify.

We were so close to losing her, I was incapable of coherent though. I had no idea what to do next. "Carlisle…help her, please!" I cried out, turning to him in desperation.

He stood quickly, turning to Jasper. "Can you do anything?"

"I'm trying, but she is blocking me." He swiftly moved over to us, crouched behind Bella, and put his hand on her shoulder. "I've got her. I'm in," my brother said. His face crumbled as he shared her agony over having lost me, but he quickly pulled himself together and began generating a gentle wave of calm. He built it up gradually, so as not to startle Bella. It took endless minutes, but finally we were able to get through to her. Her arms loosened, and Carlisle was able to coax her into lifting her chin and looking up. Her eyes went from his face to mine, and darted to my eyes, widening in disbelief.

"Ed…Edward?" she stammered, reaching a trembling hand to my cheek.

"I'm here, Bella," I murmured, pulling her into my arms and holding her head against my chest. "It is over, my love. It is finally over. You are safe. No one will ever hurt you again."

"Oh, Edward," she cried softly, slipping her arms around me. "I thought…"

"Hush, Bella," I said firmly but gently, taking a hold of her face and looking into her blood-red eyes, only just managing to conceal my reaction to their color. "Don't even say it. It didn't happen. It was a misunderstanding. I am fine. I'm here, and…"

I stopped. Perhaps now wasn't the time to remind her that Victoria had been destroyed. Scanning the room, I noticed that her body was gone, and Emmett, Alice, Rosalie and Esme were gathered around us. They must have disposed of Victoria's remains. I looked at each of them one after another, making sure they were all unharmed. I finally locked eyes with Alice, who smiled serenely, and nodded at me.

_Everything is going to be alright, Edward. _

I finally allowed myself to relax, seeing again in her mind the image of Bella and her, arms around each other, looking over their shoulders and smiling. It was the vision Alice had right from the beginning. Out of habit, my mind drifted toward guilt again, as I wondered how differently things might have turned out if I had trusted in my sister's vision right from the start. But I stopped myself immediately.

Because for the first time since I met Bella, I actually believed things might just work out for us.

**To be continued…**


	21. Chapter 21

**Edward**:

Bella was snuggled up to me, her legs pulled up on the sofa and her cheek pressed against my shoulder. She had not moved, or said a word since we had all gathered in the den to re-hash the events of the past few days. She felt strange against me, no longer burning like a flame, but not feeling cold to me either. Her body had gone silent and still, the myriad different sounds and movements that it produced while going through the processes of being alive having been silenced forever. Being only hours old, she wasn't even trying to pretend to be human yet; she was still adapting to her new environment. She sat, as still as stone, only her eyes and occasionally her head moving, as her attention wandered between us and the sounds she was hearing outside.

It was now clear to all of us that Bella had some kind of a blocking talent. It explained why I was unable to read her mind. It explained why Alice was currently unable to see her future. It also explained why Jasper was unable to read Bella's emotions, unless he was in direct contact with her; which is why he was sitting next to her, holding her hand, his fingers lightly threaded through hers. She had looked up at his eyes with frank curiosity when he sat down next to her and picked up her hand, then back down at their interwoven fingers. She seemed to think nothing of holding his hand, stroking the ball of his thumb gently with hers. She was facing away from me, so I watched her through Jasper, drinking in the quiet wonder in her face as she scrutinized their joined hands through newly turned eyes.

_She's calm_, Jasper thoughts intruded. _Overwhelmed, but taking it all in her stride_.

I blinked, going from looking at Bella through Jasper's eyes to looking at Jasper, who was wearing a look of quiet wonder himself as he looked at her intently. It occurred to me that he was enjoying the unique privilege of sharing her emotions right as she was discovering a whole new world, just in their clasped hands alone. As I pondered the fact that he could share Bella's emotions while I was locked out of her mind, I felt a sharp stab of jealousy. It faded as quickly as it had come, but of course Jasper noticed it. His eyes shot to mine.

_This isn't about me, Edward. She is just fascinated with the texture of my skin._

"No, Jazz…that's not it," I said quietly, seeing he was about to pull his hand out of hers. "I wish I could feel what she is feeling too, that's all." It had never occurred to me to envy him for his insights into the world of Bella's emotions. Having been able to share not only her emotions the way Jasper did, but her physical feelings and sensations too, had changed that. It was galling that I should be completely shut out, while all Jasper had to do was touch her to gain entrance into that mysterious universe. I knew it was neither his fault nor hers; she was new to a power she had no idea she had, let alone was able to control.

"Hello!" Emmett suddenly interjected, waving at us. "Could you guys stop playing with the baby for five minutes and listen to the epic tale of my heroic battles?"

"Emmett, dear, I think we've heard quite enough from you," Esme laughed softly, laying a gentle hand on his arm. "Right now, I am more curious about the way Victoria was acting. I wonder why she didn't just go straight for Bella."

Carlisle had filled the rest of the family in on Victoria's unusual behavior when he confronted her in the front room, and had mentioned that in retrospect, it appeared that Victoria was attempting to distract him, but to what purpose, he couldn't fathom.

"I think I can help you with that," Alice said quietly. Everyone turned to look at her, except for Bella, who was still lost in her own world and probably wasn't listening.

"I had a vision as Rose and I closed in on Victoria's mate," she continued, "who, by the way, she was only using to help her get to Bella. He was supposed to snatch her while Victoria distracted Carlisle. The newborns were created to keep most or all of us busy running around the countryside while the two of them worked on getting Bella. It was a job she couldn't use a newborn for, since she was expecting to find Bella human. She…"

"Don't," I said sharply, seeing what Alice was about to say, and heading her off at the pass. Bella did not need to know what Victoria had been planning to do to her, at least not just yet. I knew I was being over-protective and walking on eggshells around her, but Bella's transformation, and almost losing her to it, had shaken me to the core, and I did not want to risk upsetting her even a little. Not until she had stabilized. Carlisle thought I was worrying too much, but he saw no harm in being careful and did not interfere.

I felt Bella tense against me all of a sudden. I thought she was going to take exception to my interrupting Alice, but before I could say anything, I caught Jasper's eye.

"It's time. She needs to hunt fairly soon," he said with quiet urgency.

I looked at him in surprise. While it wasn't unusual for a newborn to need to hunt so soon after transformation, the fact that the thirst had increased so quickly, was. I shifted, disengaging myself so I could turn toward her.

"Bella?" I said, tilting her face up so I could look at her and be sure I had her attention. "We need to go hunting now, ok?"

She looked at me with that wide, unwavering stare that she'd been wearing since she came out of her transformation, and then blinked, a reflex left over from her human life. "Ok," she replied, so quietly, a human couldn't have heard her. She'd eventually learn to adjust the volume of her voice to be audible to humans, and she would learn it by imitating us: though we had no real reason to move and speak at human speeds anymore, we continued to do it for Bella's sake. It would help her adapt quicker.

Bella's first hunt ended up being a family event. I kept her close, holding on to her hand. Jasper was able to read her again without needing to maintain contact, but he loped along beside her just in case, prepared to reach for her once again should she close herself off or need restraining. The rest of the family formed a loose circle around us, ready to intervene should they be needed. With her newborn strength and speed, Bella could easily break free of us and be gone before we could react, and then not even the fastest of us could catch her should she not want us to. Even Rosalie came along, though she came mainly because Emmett did. Emmett was looking forward to seeing how shy, unassuming Bella Swan handled the hunt. What none of us expected, was for Bella Swan to pick hunting, of all things, to get stubborn about.

Bella's first hunting experience did not conform to the norm; then again, almost nothing about her transformation had been normal.

We followed the scent of a pair of deer, and found them grazing in a meadow. Bella was following my lead as I slowly moved us into a sheltered position within the trees and underbrush. The rest of the family hung back to watch, spreading out silently. I quietly explained the basics, instructing her to pick one animal and to not allow herself to be distracted by the other, or anything else for that matter. I focused my attention on the deer, watching for Bella to lunge at one of them out of the corner of my eye. When nothing happened, I turned toward her, immediately noticing the indefinable expression on her face as she watched them grazing peacefully in the sunlight.

"Bella?" I whispered almost inaudibly.

She looked at me wide-eyed. "I can't," she breathed. "I can't do it." She looked at the deer once more, and then slowly started backing away.

I reached for her arm to stay her. "You have to, Bella! Don't you feel the thirst? You have to quench it! You need to feed!"

She should not have been able to resist the lure of the blood, especially given the strength of her thirst, but against all logic, she had; she simply observed the deer from her hiding place, and stubbornly refused to move in for the kill.

"I do feel the thirst. But I can't do it. I won't," she reiterated stubbornly. "I don't want to kill them. I can resist. Isn't that a good thing?"

She tried to free herself from my grip gently, not even using close to her full strength, simply indicating that she wanted me to release her. I tightened my hold on her, knowing full well I couldn't stop her if she really wanted to wrench herself free. The ensuing scuffle alerted the deer. They raised their heads in unison, looking toward us, and then bolted in the opposite direction, disappearing into the trees.

"Dammit, Bella," I hissed. "What are you doing!?"

_Edward? What's going on? _

I turned with a frown, to see Carlisle walking toward us.

"She refuses to hunt," I growled, rising out of my crouch and pulling Bella into a standing position alongside me.

Carlisle looked surprised. "Bella?" he inquired, looking at her. I turned to observe her as well, eager to understand her reluctance.

"I..." she stammered, "I don't want to kill. I can't bring myself to do it." She seemed surprised, as if she hadn't been expecting to react the way she had.

"You must, Bella," Carlisle said firmly. "You have no choice in the matter. I won't allow you to starve yourself. Now let's go, we need to find you something, and quickly."

"No."

The entire family turned back toward her as one, surprise etched on their faces. No one refused Carlisle, not over something as important as this. Jasper leaned toward him, and whispered in his ear. Bella and I weren't standing close enough to hear, but I picked it out of their minds.

_She's getting agitated, _Jasper was saying. _I don't think she's responding well to being told what to do, even by you. Try reasoning with her instead_.

With a subtle nod at Jasper, Carlisle moved to stand in front of Bella. She straightened her back and shoulders, radiating resolve.

"Bella," he said calmly, "If you won't hunt animals, what do you propose to do for sustenance? Bearing in mind that humans are not an option - at least not until you're capable of being out on your own and making your own choices - and that you won't gain your independence until you aren't a threat to the human population? Starvation isn't pleasant, and it won't kill you. You will, however, go insane."

"Can't I drink donated blood?"

"There is no such thing as donated animal blood," he explained patiently.

"I meant donated human blood," she whispered, hanging her head. I heard Alice and Esme gasp, but I kept my eyes trained on Bella.

Carlisle sighed. "I thought we had an agreement, Bella. You promised to defer to me in all matters pertaining to being a vampire. Are you going back on your word?"

"No, but..."

"Then you have to hunt, and you have to do it when we tell you to. Once you're out on your own, donated human blood is something you can look into if you wish, but since you are a part of this family, and this family interacts with humans, that's not an option for right now. Do you understand me?"

She kept looking down, and said nothing.

"Bella," Alice interjected, catching her eyes and giving her an encouraging smile, "if you could tell us why you're unwilling, perhaps we could help you. Put things into perspective for you."

"I...it's silly."

"If it's making you feel conflicted, it isn't silly, honey," Esme added. "Please tell us."

"Well, I know I eat...ate meat, but..." She stopped, considering her words, and then resumed. "I always said that if I had to kill my own meat, I'd be a vegetarian."

"So you object to doing the killing yourself?" Esme continued, trying to understand.

"Yes. I know it's hypocritical, but...I just can't do it."

"Would it help if one of us did the killing for you?" Alice offered. "It makes it a little harder to draw out the blood, but not impossible."

She shuddered, a look of distaste on her face. "No! No, it wouldn't...something would still die for me."

"Animals have been dying to feed you for most of your life, kid," Emmett threw in. "It's the natural way of things."

"I know that!" she snapped. "I'm just not used to...uh...meeting the animals that I eat. I know it sounds ridiculous, but...I can't help the way I feel. They looked so beautiful and peaceful, and they're just going about their lives; I don't want to be the one to take that away from them in such a horrible, painful manner. And if we are so concerned about the natural way of things, why aren't we sucking on some Grade A human? Isn't that the natural way for us?"

_She's remarkably obstinate. I don't think I have ever come across a newborn with such a strong will._

I looked at Jasper, wordlessly inquiring about her emotional stability.

_Her thirst is increasing and it's making her cranky, but I don't think she's going to give in. We're going to have to give her a little push._

I raised my eyebrows in question.

_Carlisle knows what to do. If she won't hunt, he'll bring an animal to her, and expose its blood to the air. That should be all it takes._

Carlisle continued trying to reason with her; we all did, but to no avail. Finally, when all arguments were exhausted, he ordered her to hunt, but not even that could move her. She continued to calmly and steadfastly refuse, betraying not a hint of the agitation that Jasper was sensing from her.

"And I thought she was stubborn _as a mortal_," I muttered darkly, earning a dirty look from Bella from beneath her lashes. She was standing, her fists balled at her sides, looking sullenly at Carlisle's feet as he stood in front of her and tried to convince her to see reason and hunt of her own free will.

"You leave me no choice, Isabella," he said at last, his voice cold as ice and full of warning. "You can either hunt…look at me." She flinched and reluctantly complied, lifting her face to stare him in the eyes. "You can either hunt willingly, or an animal will be brought to you and you will be _forced_ to feed. I will _not_ let you starve yourself. It's dangerous to you, to any humans you might inadvertently come across, and by extension to the whole family. I will not allow you to become a liability to yourself, or to us. Now make your decision quickly, or I will decide for you."

Her gaze hardened and she tensed, causing the whole family gathered around her to tense in reaction, but did not move, or speak.

"Bella, honey, you _must_ hunt," Esme, pleaded soothingly, reaching for one of her fists and trying to relax her fingers to hold her hand. Bella shot her an anguished look, and then averted her face again.

Carlisle waited a beat, and then turned to Emmett.

"Go and find a large buck," he ordered curtly. "Bring it back alive." He turned to me and Jasper. "You two, restrain her if she tries to run. Jasper, the minute she shuts you out, grab her, and if necessary, calm her down.

"Bella…why?" I asked her quietly as we waited for Emmett to return. "Why can't you just do it?"

She looked up at me, resolute. "I don't know," she replied. "The idea is so repellent to me; I just can't bring myself to do it. Please don't waste your time trying to make me."

"Bella..." I said gently. "You can. You will. When Emmett gets back with a deer, he's going to open up its jugular. You won't be able to resist the scent of exposed blood, but if by some miracle you do, Carlisle will likely force your mouth to the source, and you _definitely_ won't be able to resist the taste."

"I will," she insisted obstinately. "From what you told me, I expected even animal blood to be difficult to resist, but honestly, it doesn't smell that great, and I'm betting it won't taste that great either. _Ergo_, I will be able to resist."

"It doesn't matter that it doesn't smell or taste that great. It's blood, and you are thirsty. You won't be able to resist."

She was about to continue arguing with me, when Emmett returned, a young buck slung across his shoulders. It was very much alive, but unable to move much as Emmett had a firm grip on its legs. Needing no further instruction from Carlisle, he dropped it to the ground, kneeling and easily holding the thrashing animal in place.

"No…please…" Bella cried softly, as Emmett bent down and tore open its throat. Taking a step back, she bumped up against Jasper's chest. His hands fastened around her upper arms, holding her against him.

_She shut me out again. But we don't have to worry much longer. She's almost there. A little push from me and she will feed willingly._

"That little blocking ability of hers could turn into a major problem," I murmured, sighing.

_Big time_, he thought back at me, grinning wryly before turning his attention back to Bella. "Bella, darlin'…" he spoke soothingly and persuasively. "Let go. Stop fighting it, sweetheart," he cajoled. "You knew you were going to have to do this. You agreed to it. It's time for you to let go, and do what comes naturally." He walked her firmly forward, whispering words of encouragement. Sure enough, whether on her own, or due to an empathic nudge from Jasper, Bella let go of her unwillingness, and threw herself at the animal's throat with a reverberating snarl.

In seconds the animal lay dead, drained of its life-force. Bella knelt beside it, wiping the back of her hand across her mouth and then resting both hands on its body, a look of resigned sadness on her face. Her lips moved, but I could not make out any words.

"Bella?" I said gently, crouching down beside her and rubbing my hand soothingly across her shoulder blades.

She looked up at me. "You were right, I can do it," she said wanly. "I didn't believe you. I really didn't think _anything_ could make me…do that."

"It'll get easier," I tried to reassure her. "I promise."

She looked back at the buck, absently stroking its cooling body a moment longer, and then stood and turned to face us. "I want to go home now," she said, her voice strong again.

* * *

I had been so focused on Bella that I didn't notice that another set of thoughts had intruded into my mind until we were almost home.

"Wait," I said, coming to a sudden stop. The rest of the family froze, instantly on alert and casting out with their senses.

"Edward?" Carlisle said. "What is it?"

"There's somebody…" I frowned, analyzing the tenure of the mind, my puzzlement turning to surprise when I recognized who it was.

"Eleazar?" I shot a look at Carlisle. "Were you expecting him?"

He smiled widely, pleased at the news. "No, I wasn't. I called him about Bella's blocking abilities, hoping he might have some insight. He didn't have much time to talk, but he was _very_ interested. We were going to speak again when he had more time, but as you know, things got in the way. I am guessing he was curious enough to come out here and see for himself."

When we emerged from the trees into the clearing in front of the house, he was there, a tall, dark figure standing quietly with his back to the house, his face turned up to the sun. He had obviously heard our approach from a long way off, but didn't look in our direction until we stepped out into the clearing. He broke into a huge grin, and strode toward us.

"Eleazar, it's good to see you!" Carlisle greeted the former member of the Volturi guard warmly as they embraced. "I assume you are here to see the newest addition to our family?"

His face fell. "She has already been turned? That is disappointing. I would have liked to see her before the change. If I am correct, and her blocking ability is a manifestation of a particular gift, this would have been the first time I would have had a basis for a before and after comparison. It is a great pity that I arrived too late."

"Unfortunately, that was unavoidable, my friend," Carlisle said, filling him in on the events leading up to Bella's transformation and Victoria's destruction.

He listened in attentively, frowning and commenting occasionally. "It seems like you have all had quite an adventure," he said when Carlisle had finished his story. "But forgive me, I have been remiss in greeting the rest of your family." He went to Esme first, kissed her hand formally, and then pulled her into a friendly embrace. A series of hugs, handshakes and kisses later, he finally moved in front of Bella, who was standing slightly behind me, biting her lower lip.

He took her hand, drawing her out from behind me, and slowly pressed it to his lips, never taking his eyes from hers. "This must be the lovely Bella," he said, his tone a little too low and intimate for my liking. "It is a great pleasure to meet the woman who captured Edward's heart and soul." He scrutinized her intently, rubbing his thumb across the back of her hand in a decidedly sensuous way. Bella looked absolutely mesmerized.

I was beginning to get annoyed by his continued pawing of my mate, and I was about to take a step toward him when I caught Carlisle's eye. He gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head, and threw me a warning glance.

Still holding on to Bella's hand, he finally looked at Carlisle. "It is as I suspected: she is a Shield. I am eager to hear more about her abilities." He turned to me. "You were unable to read her thoughts even when she was human, Edward, is that correct?"

"Up until about two weeks ago, that's true," I said politely, extracting Bella's hand from his. "Since then, there have been incidents during which I not only was able to read her mind, I was able to sense her feelings too. Ironically, a few days ago, right before the change was initiated, she started blocking Jasper too. She's completely unaware of doing it. There were also a few instances in which Alice was unable to see her future."

Eleazar grinned at my little show of possessiveness, but wisely refrained from commenting on it. "She displayed all these abilities _before_ the change?" he asked, his eyes alight with amusement and fascination. "Have there been any changes since?"

"No, just more of the same," I replied, a little stiffly.

He thought for a moment. "Well, based on her abilities so far, I would say she is a very powerful Shield. With proper practice, she should eventually be able to completely block not only Jasper, but Alice too, at will."

"When you say completely..."

"I mean she will not only be able to prevent Jasper from sensing her emotions, but also from influencing them. Alice would become unable to see her future at all, unless Bella allows it."

_I don't think I like the sound of that_, Alice and Jasper both thought in unison.

I laughed. "Now you know how I feel," I muttered.

Eleazar raised his eyebrows in query.

"It's nothing," I said with a wave of my hand. "Alice and Jasper are finding that they don't like the idea of their powers being useless on her anymore than I do."

"It'll make her harder to control," Jasper said in his defense.

"Hey, I'm standing right here!" Bella piped up, annoyance in her voice, and in every line of her body. "And I don't need to be 'controlled'. Plenty of vampires have had to deal with newborns without the benefit of your powers, and they do fine. Carlisle did, didn't he?"

"Yeah, but it sure makes it easier if I can calm you down the moment you get a little feisty," Jasper countered, taking a step toward her.

Carlisle didn't need special powers to see a sibling spat in the making, and put an end to it before it even began by suggesting that we continue the conversation inside. Bella was still eyeing Jasper confrontationally as we gathered in the library, but was distracted when Eleazar continued his assessment of her gift.

"At this point, it would appear that Bella's Shield is of the mental variety..."

"There is another kind?" I interrupted, earning a pointed look from Esme for my temporary lapse in manners.

Eleazar grinned at me. "I don't know it for a fact, but it makes sense that there should be. Bear in mind, I have never met anyone with my gift, so I had no one to explain to me how it works, but it seems to be largely based on intuition," he patiently explained. "It is certainly not an exact science, though my intuition when it comes to other Vampires' gifts has been correct far more often than not. Right now, my gift is telling me that there could be more to Bella's power than she is currently displaying. It would not surprise me in the least if she were to manifest physical shielding abilities eventually."

"You mean she could someday be able to block physical objects?" Emmett said, his surprise laced with tinge of envy.

Bella shot him a slightly smug look. Emmett had made no secret of the fact that he was looking forward to getting into physical fights with Bella, to pit himself against her newborn strength. The fact that she might someday be able to prevent him from even getting close to her seemed to please her quite a bit.

"That is correct," Eleazar replied. "The fact that she is able to shield her thoughts from Edward, while simultaneously letting Jasper sense her emotions leads me to believe it is possible. The few I have come across that had similar gifts were not able to selectively shield themselves the way Bella can. It was either all or nothing."

"That's just it, though," Bella interjected, "I'm not _able_ to do _any_ of those things. They just happen. I've tried to let Edward in several times and it didn't work. I've never been able to _make_ it happen."

"You will, in time," he told her with a slow, lazy smile. "With Carlisle's permission, I will even teach you, when he thinks you are ready." The look in his eyes was practically a caress, and if I didn't know he was blindly devoted to his mate, I would have punched him in the face. As it was, I had to keep reminding myself that Eleazar was a Latin male, and Bella was a breathtakingly beautiful woman. How could he not stare?

"I'm ready now," Bella said forcefully.

"Unfortunately, I don't have enough time right now," Eleazar chuckled, saving Carlisle from having to tell Bella it was out of the question. Carlisle's thoughts told me he was planning on taking full advantage of Jasper's gift in particular, to aide him in keeping Bella in check. It would not do for her to get so upset that she might overpower any of us and run, potentially putting our secret and therefore herself at risk, and any humans that might cross her path in grave danger.

I agreed with him. Bella would not deliberately endanger anyone, vampire or otherwise, but I knew from personal experience that when strong emotions get in the way, mistakes are made, and some mistakes can never be undone. Bella would be devastated if her temper and something she did as a result put anyone in peril. Whether she agreed or not, she needed to be protected from herself. We all knew this, as would anyone who had experienced being a newborn and survived unscathed.

She knew this on a rational level, but I don't think she truly understood it yet, and it was an argument we all preferred to delay as long as possible.

**To be continued**…

* * *

**Note**: I am stopping here, because it's been nearly a month, and you have waited long enough. The discussion about Bella's powers isn't over yet, much to my surprise, and will be continued. Also, I have a feeling that Jasper and Emmett are going to be dispensing a little vampire justice to Edward. He's had to face Carlisle and Esme over what he did to Bella, but he has yet to really face his brothers. We shall see. Oh, and I didn't research Eleazar much, so I have no idea how off I am on portraying him

I had not intended to go into Bella's first hunt as deeply as I did. I had planned to gloss over it, because it really was too important to ignore completely, but as I wrote it began to grow, and finally took over most of the chapter. It also needs to be told from Bella's point of view, but that isn't going to happen in this story (because I am desperate to be done with it. God I hope it doesn't show in my writing). Right now I am planning on going into Bella's point of view of her first hunt in a flashback in the 'sequel'. If Bella's reaction to hunting seems strange, it is probably because I imagined myself in her situation, and just wrote how I would react if I were faced with the necessity to hunt in that way. It is one thing to know what you need to do in theory. I imagine (never having done any hunting of any kind) that it would be much different when you are faced with the actual reality of it.

Only one more chapter left, and this time I mean it. I think. Oh please, let it be the last chapter.


	22. Chapter 22

This is the last chapter, and it is short. It should have been part of chapter 21, really, but I didn't think I would get it finished so soon, and didn't want to make you wait any longer. Also, Vampire Justice, Jasper and Emmett style, never made it in. It just didn't fit in with the rest of the chapter, and would just have been filler, sort of hanging there. I may write it as a flashback as part of the sequel.

* * *

**Bella**:

I was starting to have trouble keeping my focus on Eleazar's words. The world around me was a constant, roaring distraction. Admittedly, almost everything was easier to deal with now that I had quenched my thirst; I was better able to filter out all the background noises and focus in on only a few particular sounds or voices. This did a lot to calm my anxieties, but still, it was unsettling. I had never had to work so hard at paying attention.

Though I would never admit it to _anyone_, there was a moment there, when everyone was pressuring me to hunt, that I almost – but not quite – regretted becoming a vampire. It was only Edward's presence in my life, and Jasper's ability that kept me from completely losing it. It was then that I understood for the first time how precarious the newborn state was. _This_ was what they had all warned me about, what they told me I would not be able to understand until I lived it. No wonder they hovered around me like I was filled with liquid nitrogen. I made a decision right then to try harder, to never think I new better than they did, and to truly listen and take their advice to heart. I sensed this would prove to be difficult for me, but I never wanted a single one of them to regret taking me in to the family.

I turned my attention back to Eleazar, which wasn't exactly a chore. He was the quintessential hero of romantic fiction; tall, dark, and devastatingly handsome, with dark amber eyes, and tousled black hair. Though nowhere near as beautiful as Edward, his presence nonetheless made coherent thought a little difficult. Not helping either were the fact that I could still feel his touch, light as a cobweb, where he had drawn his thumb sensuously back and forth across the back of my hand, and the intense, searching way he looked at me every time his eyes met mine.

I shook off his spell, and made the effort to focus on what he was saying. It isn't every day that a girl finds out that she has shielding powers that sound like they belong in the realm of science fiction. I couldn't believe my luck when he offered to help me develop them, and was extremely disappointed when he said he did not have time right away.

Forgetting to be intimidated, I put my hand on his arm. "When will you have time?" I asked, not even trying to hide the eagerness in my voice.

He looked down at me, laughing quietly and chucking me gently under the chin. "Patience, _querida_," he said softly, unleashing his lazy grin on me. "Take your time getting accustomed to your new body and senses. I will be there for you when the time is right. You have an eternity to develop your skills, there is no need to rush into it."

"Can you give me a time-frame?" I insisted impatiently, almost pulling an Alice and bouncing on my feet.

"Bella!" Esme chided me gently while Eleazar chuckled at my enthusiasm. "Don't be pushy. He will help you when it is convenient for him, and that should be enough for you."

It should be, but it wasn't. I felt three distinct emotions at that moment: irritation at not getting an answer to a simple question, profound embarrassment at having been rude and publicly reprimanded for it by Esme, and relief that I couldn't blush anymore. Because I would have been beet red by about now. I snuck a sideways glance at Jasper, only to see a knowing look on his face as he sensed my shame.

Now I was annoyed on top of everything else. I kept quiet though, remembering my earlier resolve to try harder. There was no sense getting into a fight with him over something neither of us had any control over.

I had never particularly liked the idea that Jasper was privy to my every emotion, but I hadn't let it bother me too much. Not that I had ever interacted much with him; his difficulties with me as a human kept him at a distance, which made it easy to for me to forget that he new exactly what I was feeling at any given time. Now that I was a vampire, he had no reason to keep away from me. Unfortunately, now that I was a vampire, I was also experiencing emotions that I would rather keep completely private - an immortal catch 22. For that reason alone, I really wanted to learn to block him at will; I wanted it even more than I wanted to let Edward in.

I had been so busy wishing I could just make it happen that I almost didn't notice the very subtle shifting in the air around my body; a tightening akin to being slowly enclosed in a vacuum. I shot another glance and Jasper and caught the look of confused annoyance on his face. By that look, I deduced that I had probably just blocked him again, and he was perplexed and irked by it. I realized this just might mean that the tightening I felt had something to do with my 'activating' my shield, in a manner of speaking. I was incredibly excited; now that I had pinpointed an actual physical sensation to go along with the raising of the shield, it might become easier for me to turn it on at will. I decided not to mention it to anyone until I was sure, and turned my attention back to the conversation.

"…Jasper can sense Bella's emotions because of his gift. How do you explain the fact that Edward can sometimes sense her emotions too? He has never been able to do that with any one before!" Alice said, squirming in Jasper's lap in her excitement.

Eleazar thought for a moment. "That is an interesting question, and the one that I am the least certain about. I don't believe it is related to her gift. If I were to hazard a guess, I would say it has something to do with her being his Singer. Since vampires rarely resist those who sing to them, let alone have a relationship with them, it is impossible to say. I know of no existing relationship between a vampire and his _Cantante_. It is possible that as his Singer, Bella may have the ability to project her emotions onto Edward."

"So Bella has two powers?" Emmett said, sounding almost dejected. I guessed he was thinking that my skills would make me harder to pick on. He had been so excited to have a little sister to tease that I almost felt sorry for him. I shot him a wry grin, shrugging my shoulders and leaning further into Edward, who hadn't let go of me since he had removed my hand from Eleazar's.

"No, it is not a gift in the way that her shield, or Alice's ability to foresee the future, or Edward's mind reading is. It is something different, solely related to Edward and the fact that she is his Singer. Possibly some sort of connection we know nothing about. We are in unknown territory here."

Eleazar fell silent, having reached the end of his knowledge on the subject of my new-found power. The rest of us seemed to have run out of questions, which was probably a good thing, as I was already mentally over-stimulated as it was.

"What are your plans for the immediate future?" Eleazar asked, addressing his question to Carlisle.

"We will withdraw from the world for a time, before slowly reintroducing Bella to humanity. I have property in Upstate New York that will meet our needs. It's the largest of my homes, and is in a remote location. There are enough cloudy days to make it tenable, and the hunting is excellent. We will stay here for a couple more weeks while I make arrangements for travel and to prepare the house for our arrival. You are welcome to stay with us as long as you wish.

"Thank you, but I must get back to my mate. Carmen not only sent you her regards, but also instructions to send me back to her as soon as possible. I will take my leave tomorrow at sunset. But I hope to visit you in your new home, once you are settled in. I would like to see how your daughter's talent develops."

"Our door will always be open to you and your family, my friend." Carlisle said.

* * *

"How are you feeling, Bella?" Edward asked softly against my lips, his hands wandering sensuously across my back, under the wet ropes of my hair. "Are you happy with me?" He pulled back, looking at me searchingly, absolute adoration shining in his eyes. "Are you truly happy with your new life?"

Now that the danger had passed and Eleazar had left with promises to be in touch, Carlisle had allowed Edward to take me down to the hot spring for some alone time. Since they were so close to the house, he felt that an exception to his rule about having at least two people with me when I went outdoors could be made. I was relieved; I had underestimated how hard it would be, going from being an only child with one parent at a time, to being the youngest of a family of eight. It was both wonderful and difficult at the same time – and I had only been a vampire for a few days! It really was hard to be truly alone in a family of vampires, especially a family with the talents these guys had. It was even harder if you were a newborn and not allowed to go off on your own – so I relished my time alone with him. I knew these times would be few and far between, for the next year at least.

We were sitting in the growing twilight, Edward kneeling on the floor of the springs, water up to his shoulders, with me sitting on his lap facing him, my legs wrapped around his hips. We had finished making love only minutes before, and he was still buried inside me, holding me against him as if he were afraid I would disappear if he let go.

It hadn't been our intention to make love in the springs; at least it hadn't been mine. I had expected our first time as two vampires to be a gentle event, taking place in bed, in a candlelit room. At least that is what Edward's treatment of me as a human had led me to expect. Instead, it happened suddenly and unexpectedly, a short, rough coupling that would have been brutal by mortal standards.

I had just waded into the water, marveling at how different it felt now that I was no longer human, when Edward grabbed me from behind and spun me around to face him. After a searing, territory-marking kiss, he had fallen to his knees in the water, pulling me down by the hips astride his thighs and fitting me onto him with dizzying speed and accuracy, forcing a drawn-out moan from between my parted lips. He was all rough hands and possessive snarls, one arm eventually snaking around my waist to trap me against him, the other hand finding its way into my hair. Arching my head back and to the side, he fastened his teeth over the juncture of my neck and shoulder in an animalistic show of domination. A few bucking thrusts later, we both climaxed in a splashing spray of water, crying out to the indigo sky. It was quick and frenzied, and better than anything I could ever have dreamed of on my own.

"Bella?"

I brought my attention back to the present and the naked hope on my love's face, and did him the courtesy of carefully considering my answer. I did not want to automatically reply in the affirmative; I wanted my voice to ring with sincerity. Since changing, I had been so mired in a sea of powerful emotions that I hadn't taken the time yet to see if happiness with my new life was one of them. I did it now, looking simultaneously deep within myself, and into Edward's fathomless golden eyes, finding true happiness in both places.

I smiled a slow smile of discovery, and touched a hand to his cheek.

"Yes, Edward," I murmured, my voice thick with emotion, "I am."

* * *

**Very short epilogue**:

_Somewhere, USA._

**Bella**:

"What is this?"

Alice and I were standing in front of the washing machine, preparing to wash a load of clothes we were going to be donating to a women's shelter. I was sorting the lights from the darks, and Alice was going through the pockets before placing the clothes in the washer.

I looked over at her. She had a pair of my old jeans in one hand, and a small rectangular card in the other. Curious, I plucked it from between her fingers and looked at it. It had clearly been through the wash a couple of times, but it had been somewhat protected in the back pocket, so the writing was still just about visible.

It was a domestic abuse hotline card.

I frowned, casting my mind back to my human life. The thing about vampire memory was that it was so vivid, so accurate, and so complete, that human memory paled in comparison. It wasn't that we forgot our mortal lives; it was more like our mortal memories seemed fractured, gray and washed out compared to our vampire ones, and thus were hazy and appeared to be fading from our minds. As time went by, I was told, human memories became harder to recall. Which is why shortly after I had been turned, I decided to keep a mental journal going of my human life. I didn't have to maintain a written journal; I knew that everything I remembered as a vampire would be permanently etched into my memory. I spent a lot of time dredging up as many memories of my mortal life as I could, so as to fix them in my vampire memory and never forget them. I did it now, quickly searching my mind for the memories associated with this card.

When I finally located them, I experienced a powerful sensory flashback. Suddenly I was back there. I remembered it all: the garishly lit parking lot by a bank of phones where Edward had discovered the bruises on my arms, the kind-hearted woman who had misunderstood what she had seen, and a small card given to me in a spirit of caring concern. I remembered the ghastly pallor of Edward's tortured face, and the faint smell of exhaust and gasoline carried on the cool night air.

"Bella?"

I shook my head, shaking off the past, and looked at her. "It's nothing, Alice," I said, locking the memory away again. Tearing the card into four pieces, I threw it into the waste basket. "It's just a remnant of another life."

**The End**

* * *

**But**...click on the next chapter for the sequel preview.

Well. This has been an interesting experience, fun and frustrating at the same time. I can say with confidence that if it weren't for the fact that there were people reading, this would have never made it past chapter 14, if even that. I couldn't have done it without you. Cliché, but true.

So long, and thanks for all the reviews. And adds.


	23. Chapter 23

**Note added 6/21/09:** I have gotten a lot of story alert adds to this story since it has been tagged as completed, leading me to believe that maybe I wasn't clear about where I would be continuing it.

**I will not be posting the sequel here.** I am posting it as a separate story, and the first chapter is already up.

* * *

**Note**: One of the things I liked about _Breaking Dawn_, was that Stephenie Meyer _went there_. Meaning we actually got to see not only Bella turned into a vampire, but Bella living as one too. None of my favorite vampire series ever crossed that taboo line, and that is why I have always been interested in reading and writing fan-fiction that explores the main character's new life as a vampire. My main beef with _Breaking Dawn_ was that Bella had it _way_ too easy. She essentially emerged a super-vampire, with no learning curve, no growing pains, or any difficulties whatsoever.

I aim to fix that.

In this story, Bella won't have it so easy. She will struggle with almost every aspect of being a newborn vampire. Don't be fooled by the fact that she was able to resist animal blood. Human blood may turn out to be a different ballgame altogether.

Bella is out of character, although I do try to make her 'logically' out of character, if that makes any sense. What I mean is that since she is not going to have it as easy as she did in _Breaking Dawn_, it automatically follows that she will evolve differently, and become a slightly different person. Hopefully, if I do my job right, realistically within the parameters of her existing character.

This will not be a plot driven story. It will be more relationship driven, I think. Every chapter will be a stand-alone short story (probably around 10K words, give or take a K or two), forming an overall look at Bella's life, relationships and experiences as a vampire. I do it this way for two reasons. One, you will never, ever have to deal with a cliffhanger again (except with this preview. It is incomplete, being a preview, so yeah…cliffy). You won't have to wait for a conclusion or answers, or wait to find out what happens next. This also benefits me, because I won't be feeling the (entirely self-imposed) pressure to get out another chapter. It will also allow me work on another story on the side, should I feel the need to write something else.

That is the plan, anyway. As we all know, plans can change.

* * *

**Bringing up Baby** - Preview

* * *

**Bella**:

_It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair..._blah, blah, blah.

I felt a surge of annoyance, and not just because Dickens was a morose, depressing whiner whose books irritated the hell out of me. It was mostly because everything I came across these days reminded me that my life was schizophrenic. I was struggling daily in my new existence, and yet I was happier than I had ever been before. My emotions were heightened, which made the good times wonderful and the bad times pretty desperate. They were also all over the place. One minute I was enjoying my new life to the fullest, and the next I was throwing a tantrum to end all tantrums, and the next, I was in the depths of despair. And I couldn't seem to control it.

It was confusing and annoying, and I couldn't even open a book without being reminded. My irritation spiked, and I threw the offending tome against the wall.

"Hey!"

I jumped, startled, and turned toward Jasper, who was sitting at his desk glaring at me.

"If you want to throw books go to your room and throw your own," he snapped. "Now pick it up."

I hid my embarrassment at my childish outburst by glaring back at him defiantly, not moving.

"_Bella_…"

I had become quite adept at recognizing the limits of Jasper's patience by the tone of his voice. I could tell he had just reached those limits, and he'd reached them far quicker than he usually did where I was concerned. He must be in a bad mood. Deciding that now might not be the best time to test them or him, I stood and walked over to the far wall, bending to pick up his book. I was getting better at controlling my strength, so fortunately it was mostly undamaged. One of the corners was slightly dented, but I managed to carefully squeeze it back into shape. Smoothing my hand over the cover, I opened it to the copyright page. It wasn't a first edition, but it was close. It was probably valuable, it didn't belong to me, and I had almost damaged it in a fit of pique. Feeling slightly ashamed, I turned, only to find Jasper observing me intently.

"Drop your shield, Bella," he ordered softly.

Shame was obliterated by outrage. "What?!" I yelled. "Why? All I did was throw a book!"

"You know exactly why," he said firmly. "Now drop it."

Yes, I knew why, dammit. I remembered. How could I ever forget? They would never let me. _I_ would never let me. I battled a roiling surge of anger, trying valiantly to smother it. If I dropped my shield now, Jasper would find exactly what he was looking for; he would find exactly what _hadn't even been_ _there_ until he made his unreasonable request. Until he'd ordered me to submit to his invasive _probing_, I had been doing fine. A little testier than usual, but I was _fine_. Now, however…I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, and fought harder.

"Isabella. Do it. _Now_." His voice turned sharp.

I flinched and opened my eyes. Jasper was standing now, his eyes burning into mine. If I didn't let him in immediately, he'd come over here and make me, and then he'd find out that I was rapidly losing control of my temper. Then he would forcibly calm me down, like I was some hysterical head-case in need of sedation. Then, when the others got home, I'd get a lecture from Carlisle while the rest of the family gathered around the living room to dissect Bella's latest hissy-fit.

I wasn't in the mood for all that. I was tired of this incessant prying into my mental and emotional state. I couldn't let Jasper touch me until I had a handle on my rage.

So, stupidly, I bolted.

He must have seen me tense in preparation, because I never made it further than the hallway before he tackled me face down to the ground. Before I could blink, he had straddled my hips, bent my arms behind my back and had secured them by pinning my wrists together between my shoulder blades. They were bent and stretched to the limit of my vampire physiology, and as a result I could not contract my muscles enough to exert sufficient strength to free myself. My 'babysitter' certainly knew what he was doing. Without leverage, and faced with Jasper's decades of experience, my already newborn strength was useless. That didn't stop me from struggling with every ounce of strength I had. "Jesus…" he muttered, as my emotions battered at him. I barely had time to shriek before my anger dissipated, leaving behind an all-enveloping calm. The fight drained out of me, and I went limp.

"You can let me up now," I mumbled into the carpet. "I'm _all_ better."

He loosened his grip on me slightly. "Your shield had better be down when I let go of you," he said warningly. "And you are leaving it down until Carlisle tells you otherwise. Clear?"

I said nothing, waiting for him to let me up.

"Answer me," he ground out, tightening his grip again.

"Yes. Clear," I replied quietly.

He got off me, wisely refraining from helping me up, despite the dictates of his upbringing. I hopped agilely to my feet, and busied myself with straightening my clothes as he watched me appraisingly.

"Why did you run?" he finally asked.

"Because I was fine," I muttered, refusing to meet his eyes.

He sighed. "Bella. Look at me."

Reluctantly, I did.

"I thought you understood that it wasn't your determination to make."

I shrugged, deliberately looking down so my hair fell into my face, shielding me from his scrutiny.

"Dammit, Bella," he snapped, "look at me when I am talking to you, and get your hair out of your face."

My head snapped up and I swiped my hair out of the way. "Jesus, Major Whitlock, relax," I sniped. "You're not in the army anymore. What crawled up your ass and died, anyway?"

He frowned and squeezed his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose, a gesture I seemed to inspire in quite a few people these days. I wondered if I had pushed him too far. If he noticed my brief twinge of fear, he didn't show it.

"I can't talk to you when you are like this," he said. "Just go to your room, and stay there until Carlisle gets home."

"Seriously, Jasper?" I goaded him. "You are sending me to my _room_?" Hilarious.

"Bella," he said wearily, "I don't care where you go, as long as you stay within the walls of this house. So pick a room – or a closet, if that is what you want - get your ass in it before I do it for you, and stay there until Carlisle comes to you. I don't want to see you, hear you, or talk to you until then. And keep your shield _down_."

We faced off for a moment, glaring at each other. Jasper took a step closer to me, his height making it necessary for me to crane my neck back. It is a little hard to glare effectively at someone when they are towering over you, so I capitulated first.

Heaving an exaggerated sigh, I spun on my heels and went to my room.

* * *

Closing the door with a little more force than I had intended, I retrieved my laptop from beneath the day bed, and powered it up. Sitting down cross-legged on the mattress, I checked my email. Finding a new one from Angela, I dashed off a quick reply to her and then settled down to compose a message to Charlie and Renee. That took a little more concentration, as there where things I needed to conceal, such as anything that would clue them in to our exact location. Once I was sure I had been vague yet chatty enough to satisfy their need for information, I hit send, switched off my computer, and set it on the table next to the daybed.

I lay back and stretched out, my hands resting on my stomach and looked at the textured ceiling, looking for the familiar shapes that I had picked out over many hours of lying here with nothing better to do. I located the rearing horse straight above me, the woman's three-quarter profile by the wall and the wolf's head by the door before allowing myself to be distracted by the sounds the almost empty house made. I still marveled at how much more my vampire hearing could pick up. The house was alive with sounds as it and its contents shifted and settled; the hissing and groaning of the pipes, the creaks and pops as the furniture and floors shifted and settled, and beyond all those layers of sound, the crackling of the fire in Jasper's study, and the muted clicking of the keyboard as his fingers moved across keys, interrupted occasionally by the whisper of turned pages, and the soft scratching of pencil on paper. As I listened to the comforting sounds of his presence, I felt myself relaxing even more, and I was pretty sure it was without his interference.

I sighed, already beginning to regret my loss of control. Why didn't I just drop my shield when he told me to? I'd probably still be curled up in an armchair in his study, keeping him company while he worked, instead of bored in my room waiting to get bitched out by Carlisle.

Well, I had no one to blame but myself. I had agreed to these restrictions, after all. Not that I really had a choice; they would have been imposed upon me regardless. Nevertheless, I had acknowledged their necessity, and therefore had agreed to them.

If only I hadn't gone off on my own. If I hadn't gone out on my own, I wouldn't be in this position.

That was my first mistake.

* * *

Bella might come across as unusually bitchy here. That will only be an occasional occurrence, not a full time gig.


	24. Chapter 24

I AM SO FREAKIN' RUDE. In my excitement, I forgot to thank the people who voted for me and got me there. My parents brought me up better than that. My apologies.

THANK YOU SO MUCH! You really made my week.

Another self-promoting faux update to let you know that _**Captive**_** made it through to the final round IN ALL FIVE CATEGORIES! **(Summer 2009)**  
**

I had hoped for one or two, but five? Maybe I actually have a shot (ETA: turns out I didn't, but just getting nommed five times (nom nom nom nom nom) was great).

Final nominations go up tomorrow, and voting starts 7/22/09. Please go vote, even if it isn't for me (although that would be the preferred option), and show under-appreciated authors some love. The web address (since I can't be arsed to figure out how to turn it into a link) is on my profile.


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